Im very confused...

[unknow]

I am a 20 year old male, and currently in a long distance relationship with my gf. So far we have been dating for 8 months of today, and things have gone south very quickly.

At the beginning of the relationship we were very happy together and always made time for each other almost everyday of the week, through video chats and throughout the day messaging each other.

 

However for the past month everything has slowed down very fast, she started to create the distance between the both of us and began avoiding me, i confronted her about this a number of times and each time it lead to no change. She did ask for some space and i happily agreed and was respectful of her choice. However the space began to increase more and more, we rarely ever video chat anymore and just communicate through messages.

 

Two nights ago i confronted her directly and asked her whats going on, her response was "I dont feel like i am ready for a relationship at this stage of my life as i have a lot going on right now, and im just not ready", she said that with no remorse however we talked about exactly where this was coming from and still i am unsure where this is coming from she said "she felt like this for the past month and wanted to find who she truly was". I was completed shocked and after sometime talking i said "you either fix whats going on with me, or i want to break up". This resulted in her crying and not wanting for me to leave her and asked for me to give her some time and she would eventually come around.

 

But i said "well the last time i respected this decision you decided to push me away completely" and she said "this time it will be different".

KEEPING IN MIND I WAS PLANNING TO FLY TO HER NEXT MONTH.

I eventually decided to stay by her side and see whether she will fix the issue, but i dont know whether this is the right decision, and i am very confused as to whether i am still her boyfriend or a guy waiting on the hopes she will come back.

 

I currently hate the situation i am in and i just dont know what to do, and i am afraid of asking again as i dont want to sound to pushy or needed at the same time.

 

Thank you

[nutbrownhare]

Sorry, but she's just not that into you, or a relationship with you. You can ask all you like, but she's unlikely to tell you what you want to hear. Given that you will be making considerable efforts to maintain this relationship even if she was really committed, the best thing to do would be to cut your losses and move on.

 

You will remain in this painful, unresolved state until YOU decide it's time to move on. While she has you hanging around in the wings but not making any demands of her, she's not going to resolve the situation for you. She's got nothing to lose by maintaining this scenario - but you have.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately she is using the 'need space/need to find myself/confused' excuse to breakup but keep you in the friendzone. It sounds like she got tired of never meeting and decided to try dating locally but does not want to lose your friendship or support.

her response was "I dont feel like i am ready for a relationship at this stage of my life as i have a lot going on right now, and im just not

[Capricorn3]

However for the past month everything has slowed down very fast, she started to create the distance between the both of us and began avoiding me,

 

Two nights ago i confronted her directly and asked her whats going on, her response was "I dont feel like i am ready for a relationship at this stage of my life as i have a lot going on right now, and im just not ready",

There's your answer. She's letting you down easy. It's no longer working for her and she wants out. Time to accept that it is over. Move on.

[limichelle]

It sounds like she is keeping her dating options open while still keeping you in the wings in case anything falls through. I would just leave if I were you. It's frustrating going in circles with someone not interested.

 

Lisa

[Jibralta]

I think you should make your exit. She is not ready for a relationship. She's having a hard time pulling the trigger on the relationship, probably because she cares for you. But that doesn't change the truth, which is that she wants out.

[Sportster2005]

She's just not into you. Time to move on.

[unknow]

well i still dont know where things are going so far... last night i called her and asked so where exactly are we in this relationship and what is our status? and her response to this was idkk idkk somewhere in the middle at the moment, i really really like you, but she kept saying that she had to go as she was busy which was undertstandable,. But i brought up the question are you trying to friend zone me, her response to that was omg that is a such an ugly word and NO im not trying to friend zone you. I thought i said i asked for sometime and i was like well i dont know how much time you want.

At the end i was like i know you can't express yourself as freely through talking but can you plz just type everything out and send it to me so i can read in the morning, she failed she said she would do it but never ended up doing it, i am disappointed greatly at the moment.

 

I dont know whether you guys above are right on whether to break up and call it a day, because at this stage i dont know what is the right thing and the wrong thing to do.

[Wiseman2]

That's so funny. She thinks friendzone is a bad word but when you asked point blank whether there is a relationship or just friends her response was "idkk idkk somewhere in the middle at the moment".

 

Sorry to say but it sounds like she continues to string you along with nebulous answers. Since you never met, this may be the time to throw in the towel, get on some dating apps and start dating local girls.

her response to that was omg that is a such an ugly word and NO im not trying to friend zone you.

[unknow]

That's so funny. She thinks friendzone is a bad word but when you asked point blank whether there is a relationship or just friends her response was "idkk idkk somewhere in the middle at the moment".

 

Sorry to say but it sounds like she continues to string you along with nebulous answers. Since you never met, this may be the time to throw in the towel, get on some dating apps and start dating local girls.

 

Is there anyway of salvaging this relationship?? should i try making her jealous... would that even work?

[katrina1980]

 

Is there anyway of salvaging this relationship??

 

Yes walk away. Which means wish her well and then 100% no contact.

 

Often times when your partner is ambivalent.... walking away is the best thing.

 

Gives them a chance to wonder about you and miss you. And to think about what life would be like without you.

 

No don't play games by "trying to make her jealous." That is immature and silly.

 

But yes to start dating other women and moving on with your life.

 

Either she will feel the loss and pain of having lost you, and miss you, or she won't.

 

But hanging around while she "figures herself out" is serving you no good purpose whatsoever.

 

In fact, no offense but it makes you look like a bit of a chump (for lack of a better word).

[Wiseman2]

Be long distance friends who will never meet and date local girls for real-life relationships. Best of both worlds.

Is there anyway of salvaging this relationship?

[katrina1980]

 

Be long distance friends who will never meet.

 

 

Hmmm... just went back and read original post.

 

OP, have you ever met each other in person?

 

Is this a cyber relationship?

 

With you planning to fly to meet her next month for the first time?

 

Not judging, just asking.

[katrina1980]

I am so confused about these cyber *relationships* specifically how and why people refer to it as "dating" and he/she is my "bf/gf". I read that a lot and it continues to baffle me.

 

I "interacted" with a guy on line for a bit who lives half way around the world .... and yeah I liked him, but I would hardly call it *dating* or that he was my *boyfriend*.

 

In fact I was still dating other guys in real life and so was he (dating other women). We had great conversations though, and as I said I really liked him.

 

I wanted to meet in person eventually but when it did not appear that was ever gonna happen, I stopped *interacting* with him, he followed suit, and it just faded out.

 

Until you meet IN PERSON, jmo but it is not a *relationship* it is a fantasy.

 

Perhaps sometimes it can't be helped, but I would advise someone to not even allow yourself to become emotionally invested *until* you meet *in person*.

 

Whatever you're feeling could all change once that happens.

[Capricorn3]

should i try making her jealous... would that even work?

It won't work because she's not that into you - so, that means...indifference.

[SoulTaker]

Is there anyway of salvaging this relationship?? should i try making her jealous... would that even work?

 

What you have to understand is that people at that age (both of you), are still trying to find out who they are, what they want in life, who is the best person for them,.... They don't want to be tied down with responsibility at this stage of their lives. Adding a LDR to it, makes it even more problematic.

 

The best thing you can do is back off, leave her alone, and eventually start dating other women. She ain't the only woman on this earth who you can be with. If she eventually realizes that you are the best one for her, then she will re-connect down the road. If she doesnt, then you weren't the right person for her. And you could end up with someone better than her. C'est la vie.

[katrina1980]

Still waiting for OP to clarify whether or not they have ever met in person.

[unknow]

No we had not met yet but i was confirmed to meet her in December. However all of that no longer matters as we have now broken up, it believe it was quite a ruff break-up towards the end. We were perfectly fine all day yesterday and felt things were coming along, but today was a complete opposite, i messaged her today morning like always saying good morning and after that she read the message but never replied. So i wait until 6pm and messaged her saying "heyy, where have you been" her response was "school" and i continued say "has something happened, why are you being like this", i said the because she continued giving me very short answers. She then took her time and messaged saying "i feel i am getting forced into this relationship and i dont like that anymore" i said Ok i understand i dont want to make u do something you are not comfortable doing. And she was like are you sure, because u tend to twist my words around at times making things seem more offensive then they are.

 

And i realised that this was it, when she said i dont want you to expect so much out of me anymore, and i began to say my goodbyes by wishing her happiness in the future and become the doctor i dreamed she would be. I mentioned she put me through an emotional rollercoaster and i couldn't handle it anymore and had become a wreck. She then mentioned if i am ready to be in a relationship and you are still there it will work otherwise it was not meant to be... But continuing talking i told her goodbye and she was in disbelief and mentioned "i can't believe that all you cared about all this time was the title of me being your gf and nothing else mattered, i see what type of person really are", and this hurt me in ways i couldn't believe she was pinning the blame on me when all this time i waited and tried to win her back, all i ever did was try and make her happy and in return all i got was misery. i replied back saying what i just typed previously. But as it went on it got more ruff and she said "i knew this relationship would not work out" and i couldn't bare to see her write things like that... i said it would have worked it really would have, if you weren't acting like this. and she was like if i knew this was going to happen i wouldn't have waited weeks.. and she was like u think that this isn't hurting for me also? and i replied back saying something but can't remember clearly now. She knew that i would not contact her after breaking up because i told her before i would block her because it would be too difficult to get over you if i didnt do this she emotionally blackmailed by saying "if you do this ill remain as a bad memory to me, and a bad person", i was like well ull have to live with it, and she said "i dont think ull be able to live with it" my response was ill have too. She did try and stop me once but she didnt try again... her response to not doing this sooner was because i used to break down in front of her and she couldn't bare to see my hurt and she got scared so she said "just wait give me some time" but i didnt know how much time she really wanted and these were her true feelings towards me... We ended immidiately by saying bye and goodbye and that was the last time i think i will ever talk to her.

 

I dont want to get over her because i love her so dearly and always thought that she was the perfect girl for me because she was exactly my type of girl before... but im going to have to force myself into getting over her. The worst part is her birthday is in 2 days and i was planning to have a nice evening with her and show her how special she meant to me... maybe that might have patched over relationship up maybe it wouldn't but now i will never know.

 

I really wanted this to work out, i tried everything i could i was never forceful or pushy i always respected her for who she truly was and even after she told me the darkest things about her i still held her hand wanted to be only with her.

 

Hope you guys out there can give me some great advice, thank you for all the support and you were all right from the beginning end it, but i didnt want to listen because i just love her to much.

[katrina1980]

OP, should you ever find yourself interacting on line again with a woman who lives long distance, refrain from getting too emotionally invested UNTIL you meet in person.

 

If I had to guess, the reason she has backed off/broken off is because you were scheduled to meet *in person* in December and as that time grew nearer, she realized she did not want to meet, may have had no intention of ever meeting you.

 

She led you on for eight months, and you allowed it.

 

This is just so common, just go on line and read about it.

 

Thrse cyber *relationships* are becoming an epidemic.

 

I would say 75% of these couples never had any intention of meeting in person.

 

Or if they did, as the time to meet grew closer.... one or both started freaking out about the reality of it and ended the interaction/relationship.

 

This is evidenced by her saying she feels *forced* into this relationship. When all you were planning on doing was meeting in person! Which apparently she couldn't handle so she bailed.

 

You do realize this *relationship* was all a big fantasy don't you?

 

It only becomes reality AFTER you meet in person.

 

Stop allowing this woman to jerk you around.

 

Take your power back, wish her well, say good-bye, block delete.

 

Sorry.

[unknow]

Hey people,

After the breakup it was hard for me and still is quite hard right now which is understandable.

But one thing is confusing me I did not message her even though I really wanted to, she messaged me and said I hope you are good and better in the future. After that I said the asked if she was good but and she said yes I'm doing good and better in chemistry... I didn't ask how she was doing in school wanted to know about her... But I didn't ask I just replied saying oh nice I'm happy for you.

 

I then wished her happy birthday and she replied saying "thank you this is the best birthday I have ever had, and I see the most people who love me this year" I said I'm glad u deserve all the happiness in the world

 

After that I didn't intend to talk to her but she tagged me in a music video and was like this is good and after that made a video to show me what she did on her birthday. I don't know how to reply to that

 

I am confused as to whether these are signs or she is trying to be friendly...

I still do want her back and work things out but I don't know what her intentions are