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I thought I was over her


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I'm student, 21 years old, male


hobbys: general interest in everything - new things(!), play football(soccer), longboard, study, travel, socialising (with the right people!!) and some crazy like sky diving and bungee, which is sadly to expensive to do on a regular base


Generally spoken I'm a semi outgoing person, who connects very fast with people of both genders but also kinda has strong introvert tendencies (which I love). I'm not a trashtalking person and I value deep and informative conversations. Compared to others I certainly live my emotions more intense, which has some big disadvantages like impulsivity, lack of endurance and I fall in love extremely fast ... I'm very picky though, my friends sometimes call me crazy because I literally refuse girls others would give a finger to date, but they just don't interest me. I'm not needy at all

I think I'm pretty readable too, my face gives away (too) much.


A year ago I moved to a big city and I live in a studentshome. Last year was in some aspects a mess, I wasn't able to find focus for my studies and wasted days/weeks/months by literally doing nothing or hanging around with false friends,

On the other hand I met countless new people and had definitly a lot of fun


About her:


Student, 20 years old, (first)boyfriend for years (4)

I met her when I moved in and we started spending time together, she has a beautiful character, looks good and she studies medicine which connects with my field of study (biology).

About a year ago we spent the most time together and I started really liking her. There was certainly a tension between us, but I wasn't able to make my move and go for a deeper relationship which includes certain body activities (definitly!!). I didn't partly because of her boyfriend, partly because I kinda missed my "now or never - go for it" - instinct when she was around. She definitly softened me, which I hated because it made me feel vulnerable.

Because of this circumstances I wasn't able to live my emotions, this went on for weeks and I didn't feel good, I felt jealousy too which was totally off point, after two sleepless nights I made the hard decision to totally break up contact.


I avoided her for months and I definitly hurt her by doing so, but I simply wasn't able to spend time with her anymore. I told myself that she is a false person (she cheated on her boyfriend at least once), which made it even worse because I felt underneath this guy, who I know and who has some personality traits I lack, like really shown dominance (classic one night stand guy) I helped myself with dating other women to get over her, which worked. I didn't lose a thought about her the whole summer.


Now the semester starts again and we see each other again and the feelings obviously didn't change and it hurts almost like back in the days when I see her.

She is still in the relationship, she has still this cute appearance and this amazing character.


When I see her I (try to) play it cold and in some way ignore her or cut down conversations to a minimum. She gets very close and hugs for greet, which is hard for me to do ...


Love is a chemical reaction, which is obviously put off (or at least gets weaker) if there's time (+other women) inbetween I'm aware of that, there are plenty fish in the sea too, but:


I want to enjoy my life as a free, young and active person again and not fall into this hole again, but:



Now I question myself: Should I go for it? Is she worth it? Did she treat me right? She spent time with me and showed interest despite her having a boyfriend, who she loves (quote a year ago), can I trust her? Was it only physical attraction from her point of view? Is it possible that I was in the friendzone all the time and my ego didn't tell me?


I certainly value myself high and she didn't treat me right, but I can't handle my feelings when I see her,



I'm looking forward to your answers, peace


ps: I'm not an english native speaker, but I chose this forum because it's very interactive and I don't like to express my feelings in German some grammar and vocabulary mistakes included

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Does she still have a bf? If so then it's a waste of time.

I wasn't able to make my move and go for a deeper relationship which includes certain body activities (definitly!!). I didn't partly because of her boyfriend, partly because I kinda missed my "now or never - go for it"
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