Choccy28 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Hi all, I was hoping you could advise me. I work in an office with a group of both men and women. There is one guy in particular I really like as he's really mature and calm ( I am older than him). I have been kind to him and helped him with work and some things outside of work. I am quite shy and I find it hard to trust people because of some really bad experiences in my past. I find it hard to talk to this man in particular as I find my nervousness gets in the way and do the classic clumsiness and talking crap thing. I have caught him looking at me and he has hinted at inviting me out but I thought he was a group thing not an individual thing. On a works night out I found it hard to talk to him because everyone was there and watching and I wasn't drinking so felt unsure about approaching him. A while back a work colleague of ours pulled me and joked that this guy wanted to ask me on a date which turned into him saying it was a joke and a load of crap. Very confusing. Ever since then it's been a case of him either completely ignoring me or asking me if I am okay. The office banter has had me believe he talks about other women in a sexual way . Although I know that the office banter can be bad and things can be turned into gossips I don't want to believe it as he's very charming and polite with me. I am not too sure what to do with this situation. I would like to get to know him but I feel I am going to be friend zoned soon. There have been times when I have sensed jealousy when I talk to other guys. Shall I just bite the bullet and ask him out? Thanks for your advice. Link to comment
Zippy2000 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 You could of replied: "Lets do it. lets go on that date"! when the others were joking around. Find a way to ask him out or this will go on and on until the fried zone. Link to comment
greta96 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Hi all, The office banter has had me believe he talks about other women in a sexual way . Although I know that the office banter can be bad and things can be turned into gossips I don't want to believe it as he's very charming and polite with me. I am not too sure what to do with this situation. I would like to get to know him but I feel I am going to be friend zoned soon. There have been times when I have sensed jealousy when I talk to other guys. Shall I just bite the bullet and ask him out? Thanks for your advice. Don't dismiss the 'office banter' completely, because where there is smoke there is fire usually. I have worked in offices all my adult life and I have yet to hear office banter/gossip started for no reason. You sound to me like you are willing to invest in this man's potential, and not who he really is. The real him hasn't seriously asked you on a date or made any significant conversation with you leading to a date. The fact that you caught him looking at you doesn't mean much, there could be a thousand reasons why someone looks our way and none of them are romantic. I wouldn't ask him out, at least not as long and he's blowing hot and cold and sometimes ignoring you. Why would you reward bad behavior? He ignores you and you ask him out on a date...how does that make sense? Plus, are you sure dating someone at work, especially a guy that your coworkers are already talking about as being rude towards women, is a wise idea? If I were you, I would just mind my own business and I would look out for more tangible evidence that 1. he is in fact interested in me and 2. that he is not the type of guy they say he is. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 He may not want to date coworkers or make a pass at females at work. Does he have a gf? See if he wants to go for a coffee break together.There is one guy in particular I really like. he has hinted at inviting me out. Link to comment
James516 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 "Friendzoned?" You aren't in any zone. You are really reaching to find anything from how you describe things. He probably views you as a quiet person in the office, anyone smart doesn't banter with coworkers they don't know well because that definitely can easily lead to HR problems. There are people in my office who I don't have much connection with, I don't ignore them on purpose, there just isn't much to talk about that isn't work-related. Anyway, since you are interested and if there isn't a policy about dating coworkers and you don't mind the potential awkwardness of being rejected by a coworker, you will have to start some random conversations to see what his interests are and if there is a conncetion. Pressure off, this isn't to date right away, this is just to try to establish something first. Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 If you did get involved and things go south, it's going to be terrible working conditions. There is a saying........ don't poop where you eat. That said, if you still want to pursue this....... I guess you'll just have to see if he asks you out on a date. Link to comment
Choccy28 Posted October 18, 2016 Author Share Posted October 18, 2016 Thanks for the advice guys. He's definitely a friend to me as he confides in some personal work stuff that no one else knows. Like he trusts me. I think you are right about him not wanting to date co workers . I think part of me just wants to walk away to save any hassle of crappjng where I eat so to say. It's just hard as he seems such a lovely guy and I have had some right dirtbags. Some others call him a player but that's because he has been single for so long and he's not been involved with anyone. He's definitely single as he's talked about online dating. I think I will just have to see how things go and if it came to the point I was leaving the company I would probably ask him out. You are all great for giving me advice. Thank you very much xx Link to comment
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