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Ex was sleeping with a couple


cryingalways

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Hey! So it's just become my birthday and I got some terrible news yesterday.

 

My ex was sleeping with a couple (threesomes) when we were still together. We were "on hold" at the time but when I asked if that meant we'd be seeing other people he said the whole point was he wanted to be alone for a bit and if I met anyone I was to tell him before I did anything.

 

On the day of this decision he slept with this couple (friends of ours) and did stuff with other people. Then he continued to be involved with them, go to an s and m club out of town (I suspect he was doing this before because he would very often go out alone for nights, weekends, weeks...and I wouldn't know where he was) and sleep with others too by the sounds of it.

 

I don't know how to process any of this. It sounds like he's been lying to me from the start. I just want to forget about it all and move on.

 

He messaged me a lot today saying I had "misunderstood something " but admitted to sleeping with "someone" when we hadn't broken up. I can't believe how much he's lied...so I replied a nasty message telling him to enjoy his threesomes and s and m nights but no one will ever love him, he's a sex addict and I would be getting an HIV test soon (I'm fairly certain I'm ok, we used condoms all the time towards the end).

 

Anyway. Screwed up or what!!

 

Happy birthday me

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I'm sorry you're hurting but what about this made you think you were with a man that loved and valued you?

(I suspect he was doing this before because he would very often go out alone for nights, weekends, weeks...and I wouldn't know where he was)
Anyone with good self respect would have blocked and deleted Mr. Disappears faster then grease can slide through a goose.

 

I think that if you sit down with yourself and a nice glass of red wine you'll be able to reflect and pick out ALL of the red flags that he showed you that you chose to ignore and carry on with him with your head in the sand about how unloving and dysfunctional your time with him was.

 

It IS a happy birthday. You're now free of a sex addicted sociopath that doesn't love anyone ~ not even himself.... so Happy Birthday. Learn the lesson that staying with someone who shows you all those red flags is detrimental to your emotional health and get yourself enough self-worth to tell guys like him to go bleep themselves and leave you alone.

 

Happy birthday. Enjoy your liberation from him. It's a good thing.

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Firstly, happy birthday!

 

If I were you, I'd probably want to talk to your ex and find out the whole story. Especially if he's said you misunderstood something. Ask some questions and get the answers I need so I can set my mind at rest without just filling in the blanks.

 

But, if you're able to move on without getting that closure, then I agree with everyone else - no contact is the way to go.

 

Hopefully you can recover from this. Try to enjoy your birthday.

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Thanks guys. I blocked him a while back and I found all this out from the guy he was in this "couple" with. He wanted to tell me cause my ex had run off with his gf, but when we chatted he said he had no idea we were still together at the time they started this threesome relationship and the lies just kept coming. My ex then messaged me saying he realised I had found out he was involved with someone when we weren't "properly broken up". So everything aside he's admitted to cheating on me. I just don't want anything more to do with it, I'm going to get counciling. It's all too much, I can't sleep it's driving me insane. I also sent him a mean message in reply to his messages bringing up the threesomes and bondage nights and he hasn't replied. So it's probably true.

I didn't think anything about him going off alone because he told me he had depression and just needed time alone. He was always saying he just wanted to be alone. I had NO idea he was sleeping with anyone else. Anyway. I just want to feel normal again, I can't stand all this.

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I found all this out from the guy he was in this "couple" with. He wanted to tell me cause my ex had run off with his gf

 

This makes me wonder even more if you're getting the whole story here and if this other guy is a reliable source. It might be good to get your ex's side of the story before completely cutting him out.

 

Once you're happy you know all of the facts, no contact is the best way to go. Your ex sounds like a bit of a mess that you could do without. And yes to counselling. It's always a good step.

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Pardon my contradiction but encouraging you to contact this crieten yet again IMO isn't in your best interests: You don't need to get ANYTHING from this guy. It doesn't matter what HIS story is. The very fact that he disappeared on you for weeks at a time is enough of a red flag that he's NOT A GOOD partner. So: Don't be contacting him again for anything. You will get your closure from within and from reflecting on the red flags you ignored so that you don't ignore anything like them ever again. He's garbage so go cold turkey withdrawl from him with zero contact.

 

Good for you for getting therapy. It will help you to form your personal boundaries so that when a guy leaves you hanging for weeks on end you'll know he doesn't value you and you'll dump the chump so that you can free your heart and mind and be ready to meet a decent guy who doesn't "suffer from depression." A sufferer of depression who is not getting professional help to guide them over it with therapy and appropriate meds is a poor choice for a partner to begin with never mind one who cheats.

 

Zero contact. It's how you will start to rehab from your addiction to him and start to feel less destroyed.

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