Don't know what to do

[Bob carter]

I have recently broken up with my ex we have one child together I was really down in the relationship as I had put some weight on and was unhappy with myself I was also a very funny eater only eating certain foods this isn't the first time we have broke up I have put her down by the way I was and made her unhappy she now has next to no contact with me only speaken to me when about our daughter I have started training and am starting to loose weight and eating a lot better healthy wise she says she is completely done with me and says that's us done for good but I love her and need her back in my life what do I do ?

[ThatwasThen]

Are you in therapy to help you be more happy with yourself? Perhaps if she sees a psychological change in you and not just a physical one she'll trust that you're just not the same person in a different wrapper.

[Wiseman2]

You will have to remain in contact because of the child. Do you live together? How long were you in a relationship? How are the food and eating and weight related to these breakups? Are these arguments or breakups?

I have recently broken up with my ex we have one child together. this isn't the first time we have broke up

[SkellyWoozle]

Firstly, you need to be a dad to your daughter. Even though you say she says she's "done with you" if you want to even attempt to get her back then you have to work on what ended your relationship in the first place - there's no point losing weight if you're still going to be a g1t (if that's what it was about)! You don't really explain what either of you said or did, so I have little to go on, but are you absolutely sure it's over this time?

 

Whatever, you will, until your daughter is much older, have to remain in contact with your wife because of her.

[Bob carter]

We did up until we broke up she wonted my to leave we was together almost 7 years and because I had put weight on I was embarrassed with my self and when we went out she could tell I didn't really wanna be there we could never really sit and have a proper family meal as I was really picky with what I ate and I think with how upset and down I was it was draining her I am begging to change things round loosing weight and eating better but she wonts no contact with me when I do try to start a conversation I'm met with a "leave me alone"

[ThatwasThen]

Then, leave her alone and keep working on yourself. Be the best you that you can be for the next woman that comes into your life and for your little one that wants a Dad that is happy in his own skin. A man who has his joy back and it shows in the positive male role model that you have become.

[Bob carter]

i really won't my family back I won't chance to show her I am changing and I can be the person I know I can be but I don't know how I can get that chance to show her

[SkellyWoozle]

i really won't my family back I won't chance to show her I am changing and I can be the person I know I can be but I don't know how I can get that chance to show her

 

By doing just that - getting yourself sorted out and respecting your wife's request to leave her alone. If you nag, beg and annoy her you'll push her away even further. Most important of all, you need to be there for your child and show that you are being a good father and a positive role model. Right now, you need to leave your wife alone and give her some space.

[Bob carter]

I said that to her I told her I am focusing on sorting my self out and spending all my free time with my daughter and told her I'll give her space until she was ready which then she replied do I not understand it's over for good no space do I think that is her saying things because she's hurt or she meens it and how long is giving someone space I'm scared if I leave it to long she will just drift away

[SkellyWoozle]

Only your wife knows that, I'm afraid. Are you sure there isn't more to it that you just being picky with your food and putting on weight...? I find it hard to believe that someone would be that adamant they're not interested in working things out just over that, or maybe I'm wrong.

 

Whatever the reason, your wife seems to have been quite specific about the fact that at the moment she doesn't want anything to do with you..... Who knows what will happen in the future but at the moment you need to leave her alone but be there for your daughter, which your wife should honour.

[ThatwasThen]

I said that to her I told her I am focusing on sorting my self out and spending all my free time with my daughter and told her I'll give her space until she was ready which then she replied do I not understand it's over for good no space do I think that is her saying things because she's hurt or she meens it and how long is giving someone space I'm scared if I leave it to long she will just drift away

There is nothing you can do but keep working on yourself and hopefully she will see a difference in you that she will be attracted to. In the meantime, do not pin all your hopes on reconciliation and instead get help with your self-worth and confidence and work on being the best you that you can be. If you don't eventually get back with her then you will at least be attractive to others and if you've learned to be happy in your own skin then you'll be a good man to someone new.

 

For a relationship to work, BOTH couples can't have given up on the union. She sounds like she's given up so start to work on your acceptance of that and put your focus on your daughter and you and off of her (at least for now).