Trouble getting over ex gf

[Wordsleftatsea]

Hey everyone thank you for reading this.

 

It's been a month since my ex gf ended our relationship. I am struggling, I know this is normal as 1 month isn't a whole lot of time, but it just feels like it's getting worse.

 

I'm trying to keep busy by seeing friends, doing things with the dog, going to the gym and playing music. I want to shed this dead weight and not hurt so badly anymore. As hard I try and forget about it, push it down or tell myself it's gonna be alright, I always come back to the fact that I miss her and I wish it had worked out.

 

Every breakup has its loose ends, things you'll always wonder about, things you wish you could have done differently, but there's nothing you can do except let go. I've been on the giving and receiving end of breakups, both sides are just as ugly. But this breakup feels very emotionally scarring. So much in fact that I am regularly seeing a therapist.

 

Therapy has helped in the sense that I am coming to understand myself more and more each day. I have talked about this ex gf with my therapist. The therapists advice was that everything my ex said about the reasons for breaking it off I should take at face value, not twist the words into something more. The therapist also said I should grieve and organically take time to get over this. This is definitely the most painful breakup I've been through.

 

I realized it's because of all the things she said. How I was everything she ever wanted in a man, she wanted to get married and have children together and start a life. It all felt surreal, I loved her so much, but she lost all respect and affection for me I guess and ended it all. She said she needed to work on her life and become happy because she didn't love herself.

 

We've been no contact since the breakup. One of the last things I said to her was that I can't be just friends and that she should only contact me if she wants a serious relationship, and I'll see if I can do this again. My therapist said the kindest thing she can do right now is leave me alone and let me heal. I agree. I wouldn't even know what to say if she did contact me.

 

I want her to miss me. Want her to be standing at my doorstep when I get home from work and tell me she's made a terrible mistake. Maybe for her to realize that it will take her dating an ass****, or maybe I'll never see her face again. I just feel like she's not really sad. I balled my eyes out when she broke it off. She didn't cry at all. I've never cried so much in front of someone. I couldn't help it. I adored her and the thought of not having her in my life was painful.

 

I guess the point of this post is to ask the question, what can I do to feel better? Any advice? Will it take months? Years? I have my good days and my bad but it's just not getting any easier.

 

I want this feeling to go away. I wanna meet the love of my life and move forward, but I also need time to be single and work on being okay with being alone. For all of you out there going through the same thing. Just know there's someone out there who feels your pain.

[mfrankie1]

I got dumped almost 4 months ago now. The pain has finally gone away and I was in a lot of pain everyday waking up, like physical pain and I would cry myself to sleep. He ignored me and has not spoken to me since and changed his number. In Feb this year he had given me an engagement ring and said he would love me forever etc etc.

 

However, there were warning signs he had like talking to other girls before that. You can't know what goes on in someone's head and it is hurtful when they leave but once 3 months pass or maybe 4, the memories fade with emotion and it just all fades eventually. The body just gets sick of putting itself through the stress of going over and over on a rollercoaster especially if the partner you were with was hot/cold, cheating, had issues, general pain in the ass....it prolongs the agony.

 

Now, I find it hard to be sad about my break up and I'm wondering where my feelings have gone! But in space of those feelings and pain, it is a lot more peaceful and you can concentrate on yourself...good luck. Remember there are lots of lovely girls who actually want commitment out there

[Marie83]

Thank you for writing this. It really brought some light and hope to me.

[jah123]

You will be fine.You're just loving the image of her from the past, you remind yourself those moments with her, but I'm pretty sure last weeks of your relationship showed that there was something wrong. There's a guy on YouTube Mehran Dadbeh. Watch those videos and you'll be fine.

[catfeeder]

It all felt surreal, I loved her so much, but she lost all respect and affection for me I guess and ended it all.

 

How long were you together, and why do you believe she lost respect for you?

[Wordsleftatsea]

We were together for 6 months. Towards the end she started acting cold and distant. Not as physically affectionate. On top of that the sex stopped. I'm not sure why. Maybe I was TOO good to her, too nice, too much of a pushover. I did treat her very well.

[jah123]

OP, you've got your answer. Insecurity, being "too good", too nice, usually pushes people away. Happened to me and I was crazy about those girls I wouldn't let them go, I would beg, cry, etc.. but it pushes them away even more. Time heals. Only time. Its also good to find a new hobby and focus on it, get really interested in something, but don't force yourself do to stuff that you don't want.

 

And a magical pill for me was always another, better relationship with somebody else. If she left that means she doesn't want a relationship, so why force her or think of it? You need to work on keeping distance in relationships, never get too close or too attached to somebody, because there are always problems.

 

And this is quite funny, because there have been a few girls who I wasn't interested in and I would always tell them cleary that I'm not interested and I wanted to be left alone, but it didn't push them away - just the opposite. Girls like sort of.. "bad guys" and by that I mean not clingy, insecure. One day I'll write something more about insecurity in relationship.

 

and btw, did you watch the video I wrote about in my previous post?