Fiancé didn't invite me to his 30 year high school reunion

[LifeOnMars]

Opinions vary on whether or not a person should invite their spouse/partner to their high school reunion. Some feel that a person should go it alone, since they will likely have more fun catching up with old friends without having to worry about their partner being bored. Others feel that partners should be invited, whether it's because they want to show them off, or just include their partner in an experience from their past. I can see both points of view.

 

My fiancé who I live with, recently bought a ticket to attend his 30th high school reunion. He bought the ticket without even asking me if I might want to go. I admit my feelings were a bit hurt, but I figured I'd just suck it up and let him have his night catching up with old friends. He's an introvert and typically hates these kinds of things. I think it would actually be somewhat healing for him to go and I want to support him going. Fast forward to last night and he randomly asked me if I'd like to go with him. I lit up inside, happy that he was asking me finally! Before I could answer he blurted out, 'too bad you can't! Tickets are expensive and aren't available for sale anymore anyway and it's at some fancy country club'. I tried to brush it off, but it just seems so rude in retrospect. I told him it upset me and he apologized and said that he shouldn't have said it that way. Now I feel even more hurt. Maybe it's silly to be distraught over something like this.

 

Anyone have similar experiences?

[Gary Snyder]

Ooo, that was mean, sorry about that. But he may not have meant it that way, perhaps it was just an off-handed remark, or a poor attempt at a joke. As long as it's not a habit, I guess it's not a major infraction.

[LifeOnMars]

He did say it was supposed to be a joke. It just felt like an 'in your face!' slam without inviting me, and then pretending to invite me after it's too late.

[Seraphim]

Wow, that was mean, what he said recently. I think though for the most part reunions are boring. I never went to any of mine. I kept up with who I wanted to and the rest eh, whatever.

 

That is just my take though.

[moodindigo91]

I think it was rather rude. Why did he ask you if he was just going to tell you you can't go? Has he told you why he didn't want you to go? I mean, with social media and stuff, it's not too hard to keep up with your old friends and their lives so not wanting you to go so they can catch up seems silly to me. When my reunion comes, I'd invite my S/O (if I had one) along because it would be a good opportunity for him to meet my family and see where I grew up, the reunion would be more of an excuse to make the trip. I don't particularly care for most of the people I went to high school with and I keep in touch with the ones I do care for, I guess I don't get that point.

[abitbroken]

If it was very pricey, i can understand why only he would go.

But the fact that he asked you when you couldn't go was mean and rude.

Is he that rude normally??

[LifeOnMars]

He's not normally rude that way. The tickets were $60 originally and I would have even chipped in if necessary, especially since it's at a nice place. I went to my ex-husbands high school reunion years and years ago and had a blast hanging out with people and even made some friends. The fact that he didn't ask me at all is causing me to have trust issues, which may not even be valid.

[Wiseman2]

Agree, that taunt was kind of nasty. Kind of childish, nanananana type thing. Is there any prior history of humor at your expense or was he just being a jerk about this?

 

On another note, it's really a matter of preference. Some people bring their partners, some partners think it's a bore and a chore, so it really varies.

 

Next time be crystal clear about things such as when he first brought it up saying "do you want me to come along"? Make sure he invites you to your wedding.

He bought the ticket without even asking me if I might want to go. last night and he randomly asked me if I'd like to go with him. he blurted out, 'too bad you can't!

]

[Seymore]

That was pretty rude.

 

Class reunions...oh JOY...

 

]

 

If I had a fiancé I'd either bring her to show her off or not go. Most likely the latter.

[DancingFool]

...meh....so many people have so many issues and hang ups that they carry forward in life from high school, that I would just let this thing go if I were you. Assuming that this is a one off type of a thing and kind of out of character for him. From what you've written, it sounds like it is. However, if he starts being rude to you about other things like that too, then I'd seriously reconsider staying in the relationship, let alone marrying him. Sometimes people don't show their true colors until they feel that they have you locked in and not likely to dump them. So keep an eye out for other incidents and be sure to examine how he treats you at large before you do down the isle and say I do.

[j.man]

I honestly didn't even know people even took their partners to their high school reunions.

 

I also have no idea why anyone would want to go to one that wasn't theirs (or even if it was, for that matter) unless they were insecure about their partner checking out previous crushes.

[IAmFCA]

Almost nobody brought their spouses to my 30th year reunion. And it was two nights of being in bars, basically. I remember a man's gf being there. It was awkward. A man drove six hours, didn't bring his wife of 25 years. A woman with a chronic illness that makes standing difficult didn't bring her devoted husband. On and on. And people stayed out late, went for food after just like we did in high school. Nothing untoward.

[LifeOnMars]

I honestly didn't even know people even took their partners to their high school reunions.

 

I also have no idea why anyone would want to go to one that wasn't theirs (or even if it was, for that matter) unless they were insecure about their partner checking out previous crushes.

 

I know many people don't bring anyone, but it's not uncommon at all to bring your partner.

[Hermes]

I never heard either of people taking their spouses or partners to secondary-school reunions. In any case the spouses/partners would be bored out of their heads listening to the reminiscing and chat about those times, and about people (school-mates) they'd never heard of before or even known!

[LifeOnMars]

After much thought, I don't think he meant any harm. Many commenters seem surprised that partners go, but I know that most people going to this one are bringing a spouse/partner. There are several other events over the weekend where I don't think people will bring partners, but this one seems to be for all. I would actually be interested in meeting his former classmates, as I'm entirely new to this area where he grew up and don't know many people. He still runs into people he knows, so it would just be nice to get to know some familiar faces and to also hear some funny stories about him.

[DancingFool]

After much thought, I don't think he meant any harm. Many commenters seem surprised that partners go, but I know that most people going to this one are bringing a spouse/partner. There are several other events over the weekend where I don't think people will bring partners, but this one seems to be for all. I would actually be interested in meeting his former classmates, as I'm entirely new to this area where he grew up and don't know many people. He still runs into people he knows, so it would just be nice to get to know some familiar faces and to also hear some funny stories about him.

 

Perhaps that is precisely why he doesn't want you going. For many people high school was not a great experience - lots of bad memories, old feuds, old hurts, etc.

 

Also, you really shouldn't be seeking to connect to his friends and old acquaintances. Please seek out your own. Join some clubs, volunteer for something, start creating your own social circle. What might be a funny story to you, might be a painful humiliating memory to him. Stay away from bringing that kind of drama into your relationship.