Jump to content

It took only one night in Paris of all places to ruin the best woman in the wrld


Recommended Posts

I apologize for this is long but I need to paint the whole picture so one might understand and give me some good feed back.

First some back story. I am 29 and I have been single for a couple years with the occasional hook ups here and there. I never seemed to be attracted to anyone except on the sexual level. No girl ever seemed worth my time or trouble after a history of crazy ex’s in my life.

Currently I have a job overseas making a six figure salary. I do 3 and half months on and 5 weeks off. My second time around though I ended up doing 6 months instead of the usual 3.5. At the time I knew I needed a vacation badly and home wasn’t going to cut it so I decided on Cancun. It was just me and a friend from back home who went for a week. This was toward the end of my time off before I was to head back to work. After just a couple nights there I met this beautiful 32 year old Swiss/Albanian girl. She didn’t speak the best of English but out of her two other friends with her she spoke the best. We instantly hit it off, we exchanged FB contacts and ended up talking the remainder of our time there. After knowing her for 3 or 4 nights on our last night together we ended up having sex for our first time which was amazing. Albanian woman are ladies in the streets and freaks in the sheets let me tell you!!

So she flies home back to Switzerland and I fly back home before I have to head back overseas for work. She messages me about how crazy and amazing our last night together was and wants to continue to talk to me so I think why not. As I continue to talk to her we talk about how we can facetime when I get overseas and that is exactly what we end up doing. Every day we talked, messaged each other on WhatsApp, sent each other pictures, facetimed for 1-2 hours a night. During this time we talk about how special it is how we met and continue to talk. I tell her I will come visit her in Switzerland next time I come home on break. She is excited and I end up planning a two week trip there as soon as I leave work. All along I send her flowers and wine for her birthday and mother’s day. She took up and English class once a week to better communicate with me since her speaking was maybe 70% at best. She wanted me to send her a resume so she can find me a job so I can stay there with her. I told her I wanted to go to Switzerland first before making and hefty decisions in case I didn’t like it there. We even talked about getting married in the future and having a child. She was totally in to me and she even seemed like she wanted me more than I wanted her. So as you can see things were pretty serious between us even though we physically just for 4 days/nights but after talking to here for her for 3.5 months daily we got to know each other real well.

Now to give some back story on her. She is a single mother of a beautiful 4 yr old daughter. She has been single for the last 2 years since the father was no longer in the picture. She walked in on her baby’s daddy cheating on her and for the last 2 years he is 100% out of the picture, not even wanting anything to do with the daughter. This woman seems to have been through a lot but still was funny, good character it seemed and the most amazing woman to me. As time went on I have talked and got to know her daughter real well and she was not shy with me when we finally met in person.


So finally my work has ended and I go see my beautiful Swiss miss. I get there on a Thursday and Friday morning we drive to Italy for a three night stay, me, her and her daughter. I had a great time bonding with her and her daughter. At night we have the amazing sexual experience and all I can say Is European woman are something different in bed. So all is good for the first week and half together. We are driving to Paris on the second weekend starting on a Friday but Thursday she had a cold sore pop up on her lower lip but toward the edge. So now I can’t kiss her which sucks and takes some passion out of our relationship. So we drive to Paris anyway and the first night is great, we go sightseeing a little bit and end up having amazing sex again. This whole time it appears we are getting a long pretty well. The second night we go see the Eiffel tower, and a lot of other main attractions. We are having an all-around great day, we did a lot of walking around and sightseeing. Our plans on the next morning was to check out of the hotel and still sight see.

At the night we were deciding on somewhere to eat near our hotel. There are tons of options but I was deciding between an Irish pub/grille type restaurant and Hard Rock Café Paris. Well I haven’t had a good American burger in 4 months so I decide on Hard Rock (which to this point was the worst decision I could of made) since I knew for sure what I would be getting. Our waitress is young, outgoing and skinny but not so attractive in the face (maybe early 20’s). The young girl is being like a usual American waitress and being super friendly since they work on tips. So like I would talk to any waitress/waiter who is friendly and outgoing I interact back as I am not shy and am friendly as well. My girl was on her phone and after a few moments she says “you have talk to a woman”.

At first I was very confused thinking maybe someone from back home posted on my Facebook or something because I didn’t know where she came out with this. Then she goes and tell me I was flirting with the waitress. I don’t know why but I got a little upset and was like what are you talking about. She says I am not stupid I have see this. At this point this is blowing my mind that she would think such a thing as she is sitting right there in front of me. This waitress is unattractive and my girl is downright beautiful. So after this goes on for a minute or two I say ok we leave early in the morning. Again I was upset/irritated that she accused me of flirting with this girl so my way of ending it was saying lets leave early in the morning. Well then she goes off saying I drive here, I have left my daughter at home for you, planned this trip for you, all this other stuff. I didn’t look at it this way until she has say this and I knew she wasn’t wrong when she said this. So it went from me being upset to her really being upset.

We go back to the hotel, before bed I try apologizing to her, letting her know I do appreciate what she has done for me, not wanting to leave in the morning as I had said out of frustration but she won’t budge and tells me you have say this so we go. Morning comes and I try to apologize again but then she tells me she had cried at night when I fell asleep. I really felt guilty I never meant to hurt her. I didn’t take into consideration of her past and didn’t realize how insecure she was. After breakfeast I try one more time to apologize and she was not budging, did not have a good vibe coming off of her. So stupidly I ask do you want me to get a hotel. She was extremely upset and I just didn’t know how to take it. That seemed to make matters worse, it made it look like I wanted to leave. She says no I did not say this.

This is a Sunday,the first half of the ride home was not the best but eventually we get back to our normal selves and laughing together. I didn’t even try to have sex wither her that night since her daughter hasn’t seen her for a few nights so wasn’t going to push it. The daughter liked sleeping in the bed with us so sometimes we couldn’t get her to sleep in her own room so those nights I knew no sex anyway no big deal.

On Monday we go to the Swiss Alps me her and her daughter. Had a great time again, everything seemed to be back to normal. That night she still lets me kiss up on her a little bit, not the lips but you get it, and she even had me massage her feet from walking around Paris made us sore. That night she was on the phone for about an hour with her friend. They speak Swiss German and I didn’t know what was being said but I never thought anything of it. That night no sex again but her daughter was crying about sleeping in bed with her so ok I respect that she has a daughter to care for.

Next day my then gf goes to work while sight see in the city with one of her sisters. We remain in contact throughout the day like we have been and she gave me no sign that anything is up. I leave on Thursday and this is Tuesday night. We have dinner at her sisters place which was a pleasant experience overall. The customary Swiss experience. At night she specifically makes sure she sends her daughter to her room. Instead of coming to bed wearing a shirt and panties like she has been she wears a long gown and I knew this was trouble. She tells me that she is breaking up with me, that if we cant get along our very first weekend together alone and what happens if we get in a real fight a year later and I just leave. She throws in some other crazy reasons and I am hurt I try to persuade as in asking for a second chance. She still let me sleep in the bed with her and we end up cuddling at some point in the night.

Next day she goes to work again, and I write her a text saying how much I care and we mean a lot for each other and it deserves a second chance. She replies too much has happened and you know this. I went in the city again while she worked and bought her daughter a Pikachu stuffed animal because she loves pokemon. As I come back from the city she is already home from work and I give her daughter the gift. This woman has tears rolling down her eyes, not full out but you can see them. I ask her whats wrong and she won’t tell me. We go out to dinner and again in bed just me and her she wears this full out gown. I ask her why she cried earlier this is what you want not me and she says I had such an imagination (talking about us). I try to tell her it doesn’t have to be this way but she wont budge.

She drives me to the airport in the morning. Her herpes/cold sore on the lip finally is away and we kiss a little bit before I go in the airport. I text her when I go home to let her know im safe since she asked me to and we both wish each other a good night/day. A couple days go buy and I ask if I can call her to which she replies why what do you want to tell me. I tell her I miss her and want to talk about how her and her daughter are doing. NO response.

Unfortunately we booked Vegas before all of this, same hotel different room . Her and her friend and me and my friend. We booked it with the plans of spending all the time together. When Vegas comes at the end of my time being home I message her and she says we only see each other just friends. I am hurt but I still have hope we can fix this. She barely spent any time with me when we were there and the one day at the pool I ask if she missed me. She tells me that doesn’t matter. She was being very cold. She ended up only seeing me one other time for dinner with the four of us and she made no effort to party together but I tried with her.

When I come back from Vegas I fly out the next day back to work. None of this hit me until I got back over here. It has now been six weeks since I have been back and cannot stop crying over her. Some days are harder than others. When my grandmother passed away I shed a tear and was surprised that I was capable of doing so. After this situation with my ex gf I never knew I was capable of such emotions. I cant stop thinking about her 24/7 and first thing I do when I wake up no matter what time of night or day is her and the last thing before bed. I have looked all online about this subject and nothing seems to help. I don’t want to have these feelings but its like I cant help it. I had a chance of a lifetime to be with a woman from Switzerland and have a stepdaughter who I ended up really liking. I don’t know what I did to deserve all of this, was I completely in the wrong? I just don’t understand how someone can be so lovable and after one night of our first argument she wants to throw it all away and be so cold hearted afterward. I found out about a week ago that between Vegas and me leaving Switzerland hse had a new man. That’s 2 weeks in between. She was alone for so long and then two men right after another. The pain in real and I don’t know how to cope with it. I never felt a connection like this before and I cant stop blaming myself for that night in Paris like its all my fault. Even if she accused me of flirting I could have been more mature about it and just explain that it wasn’t or if I never said do you want me to get a hotel.

Its almost embarrassing/pathetic because I see people have gone through so much worse and im supposed to be a man and not cry. The problem here is I have a lot of time to myself, too much time to think. Going to the gym didn’t help as I would constantly even think about her as im running on the treadmill or hitting the weights. This Is pain I didn’t know was possible before this woman. I know I will never find a woman like her, between how we met and going to Switzerland to see her. I briefly thought about suicide but I ruled that out since I know that is really stupid but this pain is almost unbearable. I almost thought about quitting my job so I can be home and be with my friends/family to be busy. I would hate myself later for that so I cant do that. Im just looking for some thoughts, opinions, insight, and suggestions. I appreciate anyone that actually reads all this and can help out.

Link to comment

Firstly, sending you a huge hug. I'm so sorry to read this. X


What happened in Paris is NOT your fault. This is solely about her. So what if you were being friendly or maybe slightly flirtatious. This is about her insecurities - and massive ones at that. I really don't know what else to say at the moment except that I feel so sad for you. It sounds idyllic - or maybe that's partly the problem. You both fell into a bit of a dreamworld and for her, when you were chatting the waitress, the spell was broken and she could see nothing else but that you were flirting with her and her past was happening all over again. No matter what, it was a COMPLETE over-reaction on her part.


I don't know what else to say at the moment... I will think a little more. Hugs X

Link to comment

Sorry to hear all this. Sounds like way to much way to fast. I got in a huge fight once for the tone of my voice. Yes I guess sometimes I speak lower in public situations. I don't even notice this. She said I was trying to turn the lady on checking us in. Yeah OK I said I don't even remember her color hair. It was insaine. I know it's not easy but if she got bent out of shape for the waitress thing and you really didn't do anything. I think u doged a bullet here. The honeymoon phase was over. This was on her. BTW if she's already seeing a guy 2 weeks later her story of 2 years was probably BS.

Link to comment

She sounds like a drama queen to me. I think there were some red flags from the start....miscommunication due to language barrier is one of them. This was doomed from the start. Suicide? Quitting your job? Get a handle on yourself. This was bound to end sooner or later.

Link to comment

Unfortunately, what you built up in your mind with this woman was a fantasy. Much of your fantasy was based on novelty and physical attraction. This woman was far from ideal though and very uncompromising. In the end, the fantasy broke down and now all that hope you felt for your future is gone.


Remember though, there are any women in this world with a wide range of qualities. There are many paths your life can take and this could have just been one of them. Now, a time will come where you find a new path.


Right now, you need to continue with your normal activities as much as you can and plan something you have to look forward to. It is ok to be in pain. It is ok to hurt. When it gets to be very bad, watch a show you like or come and post here. You will eventually realize that this relationship was not as significant as you currently feel. When you get further away from this, you will look back and feel different.

Link to comment

It sounds like a fun adventure with a sexy foreigner, but she wanted a more serious relationship than just great sex all the time. Unfortunately you got to know each other a bit and she doesn't see you as relationship material. how old is she?


Agree with her that if you can't even get along on a supposedly romantic weekend it's just not going to work. Your post really does go on and on more about her lip, sex, what she wears to bed, will there be sex, etc and perhaps she picked up on this considering she has a daughter and may want a more serious man.

were pretty serious between us even though we physically just for 4 days/nights but after talking to here for her for 3.5 months


She tells me that she is breaking up with me.She replies too much has happened and you know this. She barely spent any time with me when we were there and the one day at the pool I ask if she missed me. She tells me that doesn’t matter. She was being very cold.

Link to comment

NightLily is spot on, you have built this woman up in your head and heart, when the reality is that she is far from "the best woman in the world", she is extremely insecure, jealous and probably never wanted more than a fling with you. The thing is, you didn't know her all that well, and what you think of as a "romantic connection" was based on mostly cyber messaging and lots of great sex whenever you were able to see each other in person, and plagued by language barriers which, while they made everything seem more romantic than it really was, also made communication very difficult and led to misunderstandings. Everything else was just your mind and heart filling in the gaps, so you fell in love with a person who didn't exist.


For your sanity, you need to stop blaming Paris or yourself for the demise of this fling. You did nothing wrong, the waitress incident was just a combination of her having issues (trust issues? jealousy issues? who knows...), and a bit of a cultural difference - what to you was just polite, friendly banter with the waitress was interpreted by her as flirting, and this is because Europeans are a bit more conservative in that way and don't go to great lengths interacting with the staff the way Americans do. At least that's what I noticed, having lived both places.

Bottom line, you didn't do anything to warrant the change in her behavior or her being this "hurt".


In my opinion, she cooled off because the fling had gotten stale for her and she had someone else she had her eyes on, as you came to find out. You saw what you two had as a serious relationship, that was going to give you a ready-made family, while she saw it as something fun and exciting but temporary.


It will be hard for a while, but eventually you will just have to see it for what it was, and move on like she has.

Link to comment

If one night is all it took then no, she wasn't "the best woman in the world" at all. You need to step back and gain some perspective is all. She simply showed you who she was and there were a ton of red flags already there when you got to know each other a bit better and her true colors showed.


I'm sorry, but you have dodged a major bullet and hopefully with some time and distance you will see that.

Link to comment

Sorry but stop fooling yourself with this idea that she is this amazing woman. You didn't know her and who she actually is at all. In fact your entire long post can be summarized and boiled down to, she is a great lay, sex, sex, sex, sex, herpes, herpes, sex, sex, she has raging jealousy issues and dumped me over flirting with waitress. No more sex. I am sad.


Europe is full of women soooo....next time get to know her before the sex sex sex so you know if she is at least sane before you get so attached to the sex part that you start losing your own sensibility.

Link to comment



thanks for your response...thats just it is, she wanted more than just a fling with me, she wanted me to send her my resume so she can find me work, she took up an English class to better communicate with me, we talked about getting married, having a child between us, amongst other things. This was as real as it gets even though it sounds crazy. Being with her for two weeks was amazing, she took time off of work for me, she planned these trips and in Paris i let her down my acting in such a way. My problem of letting go is if we didnt have that fight that night in Paris we would still be together right now.


This night was the reason for it to be over and i base it on the way she acted toward me via text and everything else which was consistent the whole time we have talked leading up to this point. We had a romantic day and not all of us being together was about sex, I was just trying to paint the whole picture and give it as much perspective to the situation as possible. She was kind, appeared loyal, and wanted the life together. She cried the last night i was there and actually saw this and when she said it was because she had such an imagination i do believe this to be true. I just wanted a second chance to prove i was who she thought i was and not base it on one night even though it was our first real weekend together. Since we fought she didnt see the future which is why I blame myself for this night. I could have played it much better knowing what she has gone through in the past and understand that we are culturally different so i would not react in such a way.


I promise you it was more than that to her, this night just ruined it.

Link to comment



She just turned 32 and i just turned 29. We both wanted a serious relationship and i was very serious about a serious relationship. The whole time i was with her it was more than just sex, we had great chemistry leading up to that night in Paris. Even during that day she layed her head on my lap and napped while holding my hand. It was romantic in a sense. I just think why put all this effort and throw it away after one argument even if it was the first weekend together. I didnt mean or know I would get her so upset, I apologized the best i could. If this night never happened the way it did we would have been fine which is why i have been beating myself up about it every day. I didnt like that she accused me of flirting but i could have approached it much better and everything would have been fine. You dont just meet someone like that everyday and have this relationship, even for how short it was, as serious as we did. Ill never have anyone or anything like that again in my life which hurts the most just thinking about it.

Link to comment
thats not all it was about, I liked her for her and how she treated me up until that night. She liked me up until that night. She wouldn't have let me stay with her for two weeks with her and her daughter if she wasnt serious about it.


Some people have strict boundaries as to whom is allowed to meet their kids and when, some are looser in that regard. I have heard of women who see no problem in bringing their one night stands to their place with their kids there! I wouldn't read anything into her having you meet her daughter so soon, and I would definitely not take it to mean that she was serious about you. For all you know, her daughter may have met all the previous men in her life, and she may have met her current lover already.

Link to comment
thats not all it was about, I liked her for her and how she treated me up until that night. She liked me up until that night. She wouldn't have let me stay with her for two weeks with her and her daughter if she wasnt serious about it.


That's just it. You don't get to know anyone in just two weeks and some fun trips. She sounds pretty easy going about who meets her child and when. That's between her and her daughter and nothing for you to read into. Many Europeans do not feel that their lives should revolve around their kids or that their kids should be sheltered from the realities of life. Kids are taken care of, but parents have an adult life and do not just live for their kids. That's a big cultural difference.


Most of what you are thinking about her is fantasy land created by your mind for lack of real information. The one bit of real information ended what you had cold and you are refusing to see it right now. I hope you look back soon and realize that it was nuts and that someone has to be pretty unbalanced to have such a reaction. Sorry dude, but it is what it is. You lost good sex, not the love of your life and most certainly not someone amazing. More like you dodged a truckload of crazy.

Link to comment

Thankfully! A healthy outlook.


"Many Europeans do not feel that their lives should revolve around their kids or that their kids should be sheltered from the realities of life. Kids are taken care of, but parents have an adult life and do not just live for their kids. That's a big cultural difference."


It is good to be loved as a child not "hovered" and suffocated.....


Joe, you remarked:


The problem here is I have a lot of time to myself, too much time to think.


Over-thinking and ruminating is never good, and perhaps you need to fill your days with other activities. I know it's hard, but this will seem in a year's time as just another life episode.

Where are you living now?

Link to comment

You'll be able to tell your friends about your great European adventure with a hot "Swiss miss" one day. Maybe she hates american chain food, it seems that's where all the trouble started?

I liked her for her and how she treated me up until that night. She liked me up until that night


Link to comment

Hi broken joe.

I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this pain, sounds to me like it your first heartbreak and that cuts like a knife, but in time it will get better.


I understand that you feel you need to be around family and friends now, but, based on you mentioning a six figure salary I think quitting a quite successful job and career would be too hasty. Are you due any annual leave or holiday? Maybe you could see about getting some time off work and go and spent time with your family and friends until you get over this.


I have been cheated on, and I understand why she would be insecure of you talking to other women, that doesn't mean she's right, she's just been damaged and is always going to have trust issues with men she dates.


For you to say she's been single for so long prior to meeting you and now she's with someone else, would suggest maybe he's a rebound from you.


Could you not reach out one last time and see what happens and if it doesn't work try learning from it.


It's very easy to rush in too soon when you are so physically attracted to someone and we often confuse lust with love, I'm not saying you don't love her but sounds to me as if you had the best sex of your life with this lady and maybe your missing that too.


But fear not, there's ways of dealing with that, you're a young man with no ties, shop around, the right one will come along eventually and you'll soon see why this one didn't work out.


There's an old saying we have here in Ireland for heartbreak.....the best way to get over someone....is to get under another one lol. So maybe have some no strings fun to try and ease the pain for now, casual dates and so on. If you're working away from home join some dating sites, chat with other girls to help keep your mind occupied to avoid thinking of her 24/7.


I wish you all the very best and hope this is your one and only heartbreak as heartbreak sucks.

Link to comment

Joe, you seem to think that everything would have been peachy keen if only you had not provoked her by your interactions with that waitress in Paris. The reality is that if she is that touchy, it would be something else that would have set her off, sooner or later. It is that simple concept that you are not grasping..... chi

Link to comment

I really appreciate all the feedback


I used to date a stripper a few years back so you can say that sex was probable the best. It was more than just lust, and it was not a fantasy/my imagination going wild. What we had was real. In this night in Paris I acted in such a way that turned her off to me. She had every intent to be with me during this time or she wouldnt have gone through the trouble of booking vegas with me, the english class, etc. When i was away for 3.5 months we video chatted every day, talked about all things in life as in what our future holds, what each other likes and what not. When you talk to someone every day you can get to know someone fairly well. Of course being with them is a different story. Even while i was with her it was all very special.


Everyone has flaws, oviously she was not perfect but I could deal with her being jealous or insecure. I would not have broken up with her because of this. What i cant seem to get over is how i reacted to the situation in Paris. I cant stop playing that scene over and over again in my head, what or how i could have done differently. I can understand why she would be jealous between what she has been through in the past and the cultural difference part. I did not need to act in such away to push her away. Telling her good we can leave early in the morning was stupid and not the right thing to say at this time. From my point of view this is what ruined our future together. To further dig myself deeper in the morning i asked if she wanted me to get a hotel. Again absolutely no need to say this. She did say later that if i didnt say that she wouldnt have been so upset and done with me. She said what happens a year from now and we get in a real argument and you leave. These are things i cannot forgive myself for. Whether she was insecure or jealous it doesnt matter i had the power to approach it a better way and save our future relationship without escalating things.


Its been 6 and a half weeks and I have cried everyday. Before this happened I would have never believed i was capable of such feelings and emotions toward someone. I get that sick to my stomach feeling all the time when i think of her, my heart races, you name it. I can barely contain my self that i ruined this for me. The future looked promising. I cant stop thinking about how we were and how the hell i let it get to this point. Ultimately seeing her in Vegas killed me, we were supposed to spend all that time together or i would have never went with just my buddy. All this is killing me, and i wish it would just stop. Ive read all types of blogs stories much worse than mine but it doesnt help my pain. It was like winning the lottery but then loosing the ticket before i can cash it in. She really was an awesome woman and im trying to figure out how to forget and forive myself for ruining it. I just want to stop crying and i cant even do that. Its embarasing and pathetic. I really have no one to talk about my feelings other than on here.


There is no chance for us what so ever. After i learned of her being with a new man between me leaving in switzerland and vegas i said some things i shouldnt have out of anger and let my emotions get the best of me. She went from being the one to just completely destroying my happiness. Its just so funny because she was pushing the idea of a future together more than me. She was happy being with me up until this night in paris. I am a complete fool

Link to comment


There is no chance for us what so ever. After i learned of her being with a new man between me leaving in switzerland and vegas i said some things i shouldnt have out of anger and let my emotions get the best of me. She went from being the one to just completely destroying my happiness.


So does that not tell you that maybe she really wasn't ready to settle down with you afterall? It was pipe dreams for the two of you..... people can say all the right things and convince themselves that it's for real when really it's literally pleasing the other person because it's what they want to hear.


So you have two choices....


1. Wallow in your own self pity for an eternity, renege on the chance to find happiness with someone who is true to you,wants to love you, spend their life with you and make beautiful babies with you.




2. Get over this episode in your life.... get out there, meet new people and find happiness with someone who is true to you, wants to love you, spend their life with you and make beautiful babies with you.


Only you can make that decision. Be well, look after yourself and be happy. Life is too short X

Link to comment

@brokenjoe, from your story without a doubt it is clear how much you loved her, and how much you care to be with her. But the real problem here is you are seeing her the you way you like to see her. And you are being blinded by failing to see that the reason she broke with you is so silly. It is actually good for you that it happened early. Else you would have suffered even lot if it had happened late cuz then you would have grown even more fond of her. What you should understand here is love is too strong a thing to fall out of it just by acting friendly with the waiter. Yes I understand she has had a bad past doesn't mean you she should suspect you just for acting friendly with waitress. With this incident you can realise that once you were hooked up you had no chance of acting friendly with any of your lady friends. Trust plays a big role in any sort relationships and she didn't have that on you because you acted friendly with waitress. How big deal is that. Get over your past man. You deserve a girl who doesn't give up on you for silly reasons. It's not beauty that matters more but the person and the heart. Good luck

Link to comment

She didn't break up with me just because of the waitress situation but the things I said after would about leaving early in the morning (which I guess her ex acted close to the same) and me asking about getting a hotel room. If I didn't say these things we would still be together and it still kills me everyday just thinking about it. If I chose my words wisely we could have moved on from this night, instead my whole world has crashed down on me with no end in sight of recovery.

Link to comment

Mate, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not sure what you're looking for with this thread. Sympathy? Someone to say your ex was in the wrong? I could offer tough love and agree with you that yes, you handled things after being chatty with the waitress all wrong. You already know that though and what's important is to take it on board so you handle disputes with future girlfriends better. All I can say is what everyone else has said: she overreacted. And I can say this as someone in her shoes. I've been cheated on, too. I have trust issues, too.


But she did not voice her concerns or problems in a mature way or in a way that they could be dealt with. She just shut down and let you try to grasp at straws to fix it. While in some ways you were intimate, having spoken for hours over the phone and text and having lots of sex, in other ways you two were distant. This is not really your fault. She laid out her baggage, her problems, but offered no advice on how to tame the beasts in her head. It shouldn't be on you, but in the future if you date a woman with such severe baggage, you will now know it's not enough to know about it. You must also know about or come up with coping strategies should something arise to trigger an old bad memory. Learn the things to say and not say and what actions can help.


These things are usually felt out over the source of months, if not years. My boyfriend of nearly two years is still learning how to deal with my stuff. But the difference is I don't shut him down if he makes a mistake. I accept him and love him and realise he did the best he could given what he knew. Your ex didn't give you that luxury, so this is a huge red flag. She may be loving, but she does not extend the same amount of love and support to you in every way that you do and did to her. So she is not worth your time and energy and would only drag you down.


She is definitely not worth your tears, your lost time and energy pining over her, wrecking your career, or losing your life over her. I suggest corralling your friends together and taking a vacation somewhere. Somewhere where you never talked about going with this woman. Make it as electronics-free as you can in 2016. And definitely delete all her contact info. No backups. Just purge it all. And on this trip, try to focus on the fun times and reconnect with your friends. If you gotta mope, mope, but try not to let it consume the trip, it's not Forgetting Sarah Marshall. 😉

Link to comment

I agree with watermeloncity completely. She could have let the things work out and let you know how you could not repeat the same mistake again and you said she was with another guy later. Don't you think it is too fast to be with another guy right after she broke up with you. Or it could also be possible that she found a way out of this relationship just to be with that guy. No matter how you see this whole scenario she just wasn't the one to cope and try to work this relationship out although you were more than willing to. It couldn't have gone longer like this. If a relationship is to work than 2 people in it should put efforts to do so and people do it only if they truly love one another. And I don't know what things you said to her that night if you had really said something very hurtful then it is your contribution in ruining the relationship. Which I believe you already apologised to her for that. It is about time you moved on bud. Learn from this relationship all you can, it is gonna be helpful in your future man. I wish you be stronger and the better person you can be. Good luck

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...