Am I her rebound? And why won't she acknowledge me as her boyfriend on Facebook?

[KyleFrancis]

I added a 29 year old woman on facebook through a dating website a few months ago. Im 32. I add women on facebook from dating websites here and there. Briefly after adding her on facebook (we really didnt have much communication at that point yet,) I see on facebook that she's dating this guy. Every night she was tagging him in statuses on facebook about dates they were on. She would basically gush over him on facebook. I could tell just by looking at his picture that he was one of those "prettyboy bad boys", all tatted up and everything. It was obvious from her facebook posts that she was attracted to him. A few weeks later, she made a facebook status about how she can't believe what happened and asking where are all the good guys at. I assumed he betrayed her and they broke it off.

 

I thought she was attractive, so I sent her a message. We talked back and forth and then about a week later we met up on a date. I was Liking alot of her posts on facebook. When we went on our first date, we opened up about ourselves and she told me how she wants stability for herself and her daughter and how she wants to eventually get married, and how she kind of gets a little jealous when she sees her friends on facebook posting pictures of their happy lives. Her last "official" relationship was a year ago and it only lasted a month because that ex betrayed her too. She said she's always attracted the wrong guys in the past. Which I later found out was true, because she showed me pictures of a couple of her ex-boyfriends and talked about how they betrayed her. I could just tell by looking at their pictures that they were the rebellious-looking "bad boys." So I had a feeling thats what shes attracted to. Im quite the opposite. Im not "clean cut", per se, and I'm not rebellious. Im more of an upstanding gentleman. I guess you can say I'm slightly more of a beta-male than an alpha-male. Which seemingly looks like something she's never had in the past (and maybe even, never cared to have.) She said how she always attracted punks who ended up bringing her trouble, which is funny because I've had a tendency myself to attract crazy psycho women. I recently broke up with my last crazy/psycho girlfriend 4 months ago. This woman comes from a broken home and has her fair share of issues, but I cant help being attracted to her.

 

Well, 2-3 weeks after we met on our first date, we ended up being in a relationship together. It just happened in the blink of an eye for both of us. Im a little bothered and insecure over the fact that she doesn't acknowledge me on Facebook a whole lot as her boyfriend. And no, she's not one of those "private" people who doesn't like putting her info on Facebook. She's on facebook several times a day... I made a relationship status thing, putting her as my girlfriend, and she accepted it. But her relationship settings on Facebook are set to private. Which means nobody can see that she's in a relationship. It's just blank. It's been a couple of weeks now and she hasnt unprivated it. Her relationship settings were private before I met her, but Im wondering why she hasnt made it public to allow all of her friends to see she's in a relationship. I dont really want to bring this up to her because I dont want to sound clingy. She also hasnt posted a picture of us. I thought she wouldve been THRILLED to be in a relationship with me, afterall I was so different, according to her. I know if she was in a relationship with Brad Pitt, she would make damn-sure it was public. Right? She recently changed her cover photo to a picture of her daughter and my son, which I thought was nice, but still nothing about US. She tags me in some statuses, most of the time the statuses are only about when I did something nice for her like fixed her window, bought her flowers, or listened to her vent. But I keep remembering only 2 months ago, when she was dating the attractive "bad boy", she would make statuses practically gushing over him because she found him attractive. But it's not the same with me. She only tags me in statuses when i do something NICE for her. Outside of faceook, the relationship isnt bad. She's not OVERLY affectionate with me, but she's not a cold fish, either. My son and her daughter get along well. I haven't met her friends at this point, except one that I met on her birthday.

 

I would like HONEST opinions please. Is this a rebound relationship? Which direction do you see this going?

[IAmFCA]

Rebound. I think she likes you, but isn't available yet.

[thornz]

OK, well a little perspective, my last relationship was an initial physical attraction and infatuation, I was friends with him on fb, tagged him all the time and had my relationship status showing us together, I was unhappy in the relationship and left him.

 

Since then I have matured a lot and don't spend much time on fb and have my relationship settings to private. I told my current partner I wouldn't add him on fb to avoid any drama and apart from the occasional post about things he has done for me my fb friends wouldn't even know he exists. I think the world of him and I am generally very happy with him. Just like your partner I have had too many experiences with crazy or bad boy exes and was looking for someone stable to settle with.

 

The amount I post about him on fb has no bearing whatsoever on my feelings for him.

 

I do find it strange though that she was showing you lots of pics of exes and lamenting to you.

[Wiseman2]

Have you had the exclusive talk and asked her to be bf/gf? Don't worry about fb, just have this convo in person. Don't worry about her bad boy thing or all that alpha beta stuff.

 

Either she's into you or she's not and that happens in person in real-time on dates,etc. is what counts

I could tell just by looking at his picture that he was one of those "prettyboy bad boys", all tatted up and everything. I could just tell by looking at their pictures that they were the rebellious-looking "bad boys."

 

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[KyleFrancis]

OK, well a little perspective, my last relationship was an initial physical attraction and infatuation, I was friends with him on fb, tagged him all the time and had my relationship status showing us together, I was unhappy in the relationship and left him.

 

Since then I have matured a lot and don't spend much time on fb and have my relationship settings to private. I told my current partner I wouldn't add him on fb to avoid any drama and apart from the occasional post about things he has done for me my fb friends wouldn't even know he exists. I think the world of him and I am generally very happy with him. Just like your partner I have had too many experiences with crazy or bad boy exes and was looking for someone stable to settle with.

 

The amount I post about him on fb has no bearing whatsoever on my feelings for him.

 

I do find it strange though that she was showing you lots of pics of exes and lamenting to you.

 

Thanks. How long did it take you to get into a relationship with your current boyfriend? She was heartbroken at the end of august, into early september. which was when i met her. i've only known her for about a month, and we've been official for about 2 weeks. I do realize now how fast this all happened, and I just wanted to know if this was setting us up for failure.

 

And im curious from a females perspective, why not show that you're in a relationship? I figured females would want people to know they're happily taken

[Lisii]

I never put a relationship status on my profile and I only tagged my exbf into selected photo's, I also have it set to a certain audience, (close friends and family who had met him in person).. It's not that I wasn't proud of the relationship, but more I wanted to keep it to myself..

 

Facebook is the mother of all evils, it can squash esteem.

[Wiseman2]

Facebook is the mother of all evils

 

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[Capricorn3]

Maybe it's just me, but I find there is way way too much, too soon on both sides. Only dating 2-3 weeks and already "in a relationship" and posting pictures of her daughter and your son etc etc. Add to that, both of you are recently broken up from a previous relationship. Me thinks this is major, major rebound on BOTH sides. This has disaster written all over it (imo).

[Tinydance]

Um sorry but while I was reading that, I was actually surprised that you care so much about Facebook and tags and statuses and stuff like that. I know as a society we are consumed by Facebook but at 32 and being a father you seem to have some "teenage" views about it. Sorry if that sounds judgemental, I'm just trying to put things into perspective for you. Firstly I do think you rushed into a relationship with this woman too fast. But secondly, you've only officially been together for two weeks. Do you really think it's a good idea to be saturating Facebook with your statuses and pictures about each other? I mean you're still getting to know each other and you met online, so you are starting from scratch as far as knowing the person goes. Also remember she just had a bad experience with the other guy and she was overkilling it on Facebook with posts about him. So maybe now she wants to be more careful and not do that too fast too soon. But anyway who cares about Facebook it's not real life.

[Naomi99]

It's incredibly selfish to expect her to do XYZ because that's what YOU want. Have you ever thought about how she feels? After being in relationship after relationship, tagging and posting zillions of things about her boyfriend, then only a few months later to do the same with you, how would that look to all of her friends? Like she's a floozy. I can totally understand why she's hesitant. Her FB friends are probably watching this mess of a situation, tossing popcorn into their mouths, laughing and going "There she goes again," throwing bets on how long this next one, you, is going to last.

 

Be honored she isn't acknowledging you on FB.

 

FB is out. Instagram is in, anyways.

[Tinydance]

It's incredibly selfish to expect her to do XYZ because that's what YOU want. Have you ever thought about how she feels? After being in relationship after relationship, tagging and posting zillions of things about her boyfriend, then only a few months later to do the same with you, how would that look to all of her friends? Like she's a floozy. I can totally understand why she's hesitant. Her FB friends are probably watching this mess of a situation, tossing popcorn into their mouths, laughing and going "There she goes again," throwing bets on how long this next one, you, is going to last.

 

Be honored she isn't acknowledging you on FB.

 

FB is out. Instagram is in, anyways.

 

Instagram? Lol What makes Instagram better than Facebook? Just personally I think social media is making us behave in superficial ways. People want attention and to parade everything they do. After a few dates already put up "in a relationship", then it doesn't work and they remove it, with all their friends wondering what happened. I'm very reluctant to start putting things up unless I'd been with the person for at least a couple or a few months and we've spoken about where it's going and everything like that.

[thornz]

Thanks. How long did it take you to get into a relationship with your current boyfriend? She was heartbroken at the end of august, into early september. which was when i met her. i've only known her for about a month, and we've been official for about 2 weeks. I do realize now how fast this all happened, and I just wanted to know if this was setting us up for failure.

 

And im curious from a females perspective, why not show that you're in a relationship? I figured females would want people to know they're happily taken

 

I got with my current partner about a year after my break up, my first mention of him on fb was about 3/4 months in, I've only mentioned him about 3 times on there. My relationship status is still set to single but hidden.

 

I think if you are so anxious and seeking validation about her feelings so soon then that will set you up for failure. Just try and relax and let her lead the pace so she doesn't feel pressurised. I imagine after the last one she is feeling a little bit more reserved about posting all over fb and "jinxing" it. PLUS she may have concerns about what people will think about her jumping from one man to the next. I know it's 2016 but some people are still very catty and judgemental about those who aren't "pure". Please!

 

From my perspective I couldn't give a flying f*ck about what people on fb think. I don't need to brag about how happy I am on there, the people I love know about him and have met him (only just I might add). I have made mistakes in the past where I jumped into relationships and had to many expectations and was left hurt when it didn't work out. Try and go with the flow, be honest about what you want and enjoy your time together.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. Real life dating is the barometer for how things are going.

From my perspective I couldn't give a flying f*ck about what people on fb think.

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