Worried he still has feelings for his ex

[ladystark91]

I've just started seeing a guy who I've known for a very long time (10+ years). We had coffee for our first date yesterday afternoon and then we went back to his place to watch a movie and some funny youtube videos. All we've done so far is hug and have a short kiss. Not got as far as making out yet...

 

He left his Facebook open as he was in the kitchen making coffee, and a message popped up from his ex girlfriend. They had been together 3 years and he was the one who ended the relationship, as he didn't have romantic feelings for her anymore. They broke up about 6 weeks ago... I know that's quite recent, but the fact he did the breaking up and lost romantic feelings made me presume he was over it.

 

I wasn't intending to snoop at all, the idea of doing such a thing horrifies me, but my curiosity got the better of me and I started scrolling up. The conversations were pretty long, but there was nothing sexual or romantic in them, they were just being friendly. In fact I'd say she was the one being more friendly - she was using a ton of emoticons, but he wasn't.

 

However, he was the one who initiated all the conversations... The past week they had spoken every day and he initiated them all. I don't understand why he would do that if he broke up with her because he'd be giving her false hope, wouldn't he? Especially since he told me she was very upset when he first broke up with her and she struggled with his decision a lot.

 

Although I'm glad there wasn't anything romantic in the conversations, at one point he did tell her she was an amazing and wonderful person, and he was thanking her multiple times for her 'kind words'. She even asked him for coffee and he responded saying that it would be nice.

 

I'm a bit concerned to be honest and wondering whether I should continue seeing him... What do you guys think? Do you think he might still have feelings for her?

[sensitivegirl0]

there is a fresh break up, and there is a guy who still talk to his ex gf. There is a possibility he still has feelings for her. I would be cautious with him. If I was you, I wouldnt start anything with him right now because it might be a rebound relationship thing.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like they are still sorting things out and he's not done with his ex since he contacts her continually and still meeting up with her.

 

He may just be looking for a type of fwb comfort from an old friend, but not ready for dating/a relationship. Notice the 'first date' was at his place for Netflix and chill.

 

It may be best to stay just friends and not get involved or better yet back away so you don't get hurt or get used as a rebound.

I've just started seeing a guy who I've known for a very long time (10+ years).All we've done so far is hug and have a short kiss. The past week they had spoken every day and he initiated them all. at one point he did tell her she was an amazing and wonderful person, and he was thanking her multiple times for her 'kind words'. She even asked him for coffee and he responded saying that it would be nice.

[Andrina]

He was in a really long term relationship, and it would be beneficial for him to remain single for a minimum of 6 months, and longer if he needs to. Even if the split was his decision, he will be mourning the relationship, and may have unresolved issues he needs to work through.

 

I can only speak for myself. I have the boundary in my relationship that we don't stay in contact with exes. To me, people are in my past for a reason and that's where they stay. If I dated someone and they weren't on the same page, I'd have to move on. Since you are upset that he's in contact with the ex, you obviously have the same feelings I do.

 

What would I do in your situation? I'd tell him: I'm not comfortable going into a dating relationship with you right now. I'd feel better about it if we stay friends for now, and would rather try again a good six months to a year down the road since your breakup is so new. I also want you to know that I don't stay in contact with exes, and if that's your style, we won't be able to date.

 

No person is worth ignoring your own wants and needs for. Know what your must haves and deal breakers are in a relationship, and stick to them. You're driving the bus and you decide who can get on and who to boot off.

 

If he doesn't go with your plan, then he's not the right person for you. If one of you has chosen another partner in the next year, the relationship between you two wasn't meant to be. If you do stay friends, avoid going to each other's homes for a while. If you have strong chemistry, you don't want to give in to your willpower and get intimate. Take care and let us know how it goes.

[kamurj]

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.