Broke up with partner after 5 years but he is promising to change

[Suzie23]

Hi, first time here. The short story is that my guy is great in many ways, but he's unavailable due to work commitments so we only see each other about one night a week, sometimes two (but that's rare) and sometimes it's even one night a fortnight. He has never stayed over and then stayed the entire next day - he always leave. I have an 8 year old daughter full time. He is divorced too and has 3 kids. I have broken up with him several times usually due to his lack of open communications, lack of availability, and lack of interest in spending time with me and my daughter. He is very good at winning me back - makes promises of change, and to some degree he does improve a little bit after each break up, but it seems crazy to me to get this sort of improvement by going through the stress of a break up. This time around he didn't communicate his plans (which would cause a big impact on his availability) so I broke up with him. He's now saying he can change those plans, and he'll try harder, and change and step up more etc, so my question is... After so many years, if our relationship hasn't evolved beyond a lovers relationship, he's not communicating with me about big decisions, and the only time we spend more than a day together is the few times we have had a holiday together, is there really any hope for a healthy solid committed relationship? While things may improve slightly, wouldn't it be that the same issues will always be there? I feel resolved this time to part ways, but its a big decision. I appreciate your help. Thanks

[SkellyWoozle]

If he hasn't changed after all these years, that in his life nothing has changed - work, family, commitments, etc - then what makes you think that this time he'll be any different? I can't help thinking you're his security blanket - the safe option to go home to at the end of a long week. It's all got very comfortable and easy for him.

 

For the sake of your daughter you need to break the cycle and step away. Sorry X

[lancelot873]

yup, first thought was about the daughter too. she is entering into a critical age where she needs stable parenting. be it yourself alone or with someone more caring and devotes more time to you but not this wobbly dude. you admitting that he is great at winning you back shows that you have a soft spot for him which you need to get rid of for the sake of your daughter and yourself. stay resolved and focus on having a stable relationship with your daughter, she is priority #1

[pippy longstocking]

If this was just the first time and you had called him out on it all and he had made the promises , then I would be saying , hey give him a chance to prove himself ...but 5 years of this ..no .. he isn't going to change and by now I don't think he even believes it himself ..he just knows by now if he makes the right noises you will forgive and forget !

 

what a crap life for you , where is the sharing , the togetherness , the life building ... he doesn't deserve another chance darling .

[Suzie23]

Wow, you guys are awesome. Thank you for your support.

[lancelot873]

good luck! you are most welcome. stay strong and persevere.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately after 5 yrs and several breakups the relationship sounds stalled out. Why does he keep you at arms length? Is he trying work things out with his ex or prefers to be home with His kids when he has them? Do you ever go to his place?

 

I have broken up with him several times usually due to his lack of open communications, lack of availability, and lack of interest in spending time with me... After so many years, if our relationship hasn't evolved beyond a lovers relationship, he's not communicating with me about big decisions, and the only time we spend more than a day together.

[Knot2loud]

As with the others... After five years - nothing! You truly deserve better. I wish you the best.