Extreme Third Date

[Naomi99]

New guy. Communicating off/on for three months via email…

 

First date mid-September: Late-night dessert/tea at a small cafe. I thought it was really romantic for some reason. The ambiance..

 

Second date early October: Snacks/movie.

 

Then he left the country for a month. Tonight he called me from abroad and asks if I want to go on a trip with him when he gets back in a few weeks. I told him sounds fun, let me think about it. (So of course, I post it here.)

 

I'm stumped. So extreme…dates are so far and few in between, there's ZERO texting, just emails, we've never kissed or even shared a real meal together, but then we go on vacation????

 

I kinda want to go though. Thoughts, please?

 

 

P.S. Also with regards to my other thread that was locked re the sensitive guy/friendzone issue, he texted me the night of the first presidential debate and has been in touch since then. There was a second date planned but was cancelled. No reschedule yet. I feel a lot better and will be choosier with my words next time. Lesson learned. I thank everyone for their input.

[Jibralta]

I'm stumped. So extreme…dates are so far and few in between, there's ZERO texting, just emails, we've never kissed or even shared a real meal together, but then we go on vacation????

 

I kinda want to go though. Thoughts, please?

 

It is kinda extreme. Are you comfortable with this idea? Where would you be going? How long would you be there? Do you have an escape plan?

[Naomi99]

I am comfortable only because we've communicated for so long prior to meeting; other than that, we really don't know too much about each other, but I do want to get to know him. What better way than going on a trip together?

It would be a four-day scenic road trip by the ocean. I have not thought of an escape plan since this was just presented to me about an hour ago. It's too late to call my girlfriends.

[missmarple]

A four-day road trip with a guy you've only been on 2 dates in 2 months (no matter how long you had been communicating before) is a recipe for disaster and potentially dangerous, too.

I would tell him thanks but no, thanks..let's get to know each other first and then we can go on all the trips we want.

[Naomi99]

A four-day road trip with a guy you've only been on 2 dates in 2 months (no matter how long you had been communicating before) is a recipe for disaster and potentially dangerous, too.

I would tell him thanks but no, thanks..let's get to know each other first and then we can go on all the trips we want.

 

I thought exactly what you said and even crossed my mind he's going to murder me and toss me into the ocean.

Then there is a part of me that's so tired of playing it safe, never taking any risks, always having my wall up, not trusting, being guarded, blah blah blah.

 

When I was in France, I spontaneously cancelled my flight home and extended my trip with ZERO plans for accommodations and little euro left. Totally unlike me to be unprepared, yet those last few days ended up being the best ones of the trip, the ones I treasure the most.

[Jibralta]

What better way than going on a trip together?

 

Putting the issue of personal safety aside for a moment....

 

I think it's a lot. It could easily become too much. And why does it have to be a road trip? Why can't he stick around your town for a few days if he wants to get to know you? You can both retire to your own quarters each night. Or not. But the choice will be there for you.

 

If you don't go on the road trip, will he go anyway? Will he call you from the road, or will he bring someone else with him and forget about you.

 

You can also get to know him by not going!

[Naomi99]

And why does it have to be a road trip?

 

He is in another country right now. When he returns home, he has to travel to another city that is about 12 hours away from us pretty much as soon as the plane hits the ground. He decided to make it a getaway instead of a chore, inviting me to come along with him.

[Jibralta]

Sorry, I have to ask..... why didn't he just fly in somewhere closer to where he needs to be?

[Naomi99]

Sorry, I have to ask..... why didn't he just fly in somewhere closer to where he needs to be?

 

¯\_(ツ _/¯

 

(that's a kanye shrug)

[SkellyWoozle]

I thought exactly what you said and even crossed my mind he's going to murder me and toss me into the ocean.

Then there is a part of me that's so tired of playing it safe, never taking any risks, always having my wall up, not trusting, being guarded, blah blah blah.

 

When I was in France, I spontaneously cancelled my flight home and extended my trip with ZERO plans for accommodations and little euro left. Totally unlike me to be unprepared, yet those last few days ended up being the best ones of the trip, the ones I treasure the most.

 

I'm one of the most impulsive people I know - I've done equally crazy things - but I think sometimes you just have to take a step back and consider other options and your own safety. Another way to look at it is that if your best friend was telling you this scenario, what would you be saying to her/him? Would you too have reservations?

 

I'll be honest, I'm not actually sure what I would do. Sorry X

[Naomi99]

If my best friend told me this, she liked the guy and felt safe, I would tell her to go, but call me every night at 9p and leave her GPS location tracker permanently on and link it to my phone.

 

I'm undecided at this point, more amused than anything. But I would say the majority of why I want to go is because I am NOT impulsive and something needs to change! I'm not getting any younger... I'm extremely conservative when it comes to things like this but I want to live fully and not be so sheltered. Even if nothing develops romantically out of this, my gut is telling me it'll be a fun thing. At least an experience.

[melancholy123]

Just because your trip to France ended well when you decided last minute to extend it, doesnt mean a road trip with an almost stranger will be the same. You dont really know this guy and you would take a big risk on a road trip with him. It'd be safer and smarter if you stayed in your own area where you can get to know him and go home to your own place at night and he goes to his. Are you prepared to have sex with him so soon if you did go on the road trip? You need to think about that. Also, what if he's actually a nutcase of some sort? Something else to think about. An escape plan is essential.

[SkellyWoozle]

My SO and I got together after talking for months on the phone and via email - I drove three hours to see him and we've been together ever since - 8 years.

 

Flip side to that, I went on a road trip to Italy some years ago (drove for two days to get there!) with an Italian bloke (and his girlfriend) who shared my house and it was AWFUL. They went off to Milan together after we had a bit of a disagreement and left me behind with his parents who didn't speak a word of English (I spoke very little Italian) in a village in the middle of nowhere (though admittedly with stunning views of The Alps). It was so bad I even contemplated hitching back to Bruges to get the ferry home!

 

That was a while ago, though. Only you can decide what's the best thing to do. Whatever you choose, I hope you have fun! X

[Naomi99]

Just because your trip to France ended well when you decided last minute to extend it, doesnt mean a road trip with an almost stranger will be the same. You dont really know this guy and you would take a big risk on a road trip with him. It'd be safer and smarter if you stayed in your own area where you can get to know him and go home to your own place at night and he goes to his. Are you prepared to have sex with him so soon if you did go on the road trip? You need to think about that. Also, what if he's actually a nutcase of some sort? Something else to think about. An escape plan is essential.

 

 

Agree with everything you say here, except I think in this instance, I am more of a nutcase than he. I'm kind of wondering is wrong with him for inviting me on a trip…does it occur to him I could be crazy too??

 

The only escape plan I can think of is Uber-ing to the nearest car rental place and driving home myself. There aren't any major airports between here and there where I can hop on a plane within a few hours.

[pippy longstocking]

I'm one of the most impulsive people I know - I've done equally crazy things - but I think sometimes you just have to take a step back and consider other options and your own safety. Another way to look at it is that if your best friend was telling you this scenario, what would you be saying to her/him? Would you too have reservations?

 

I'll be honest, I'm not actually sure what I would do. Sorry X

 

skellywoozle ray of sunshine on this forum I always love your honesty ...cos you know what ..I don't know what I would do either hahahah

 

on the one hand I am thinking , ahh f*k it you only live once and the other half is thinking , is this going to end up been the top story on the 9 o clock news .

[thejigsup]

I'm speaking with the wisdom of age. People are too scared of other people these days. Jeesh! 99.99% of the people you will meet are completely safe to be around. Young people these days concentrate too much on the 0.01%. With texting, cell phones, etc...it is even safer these days than it was when I was young. My advice? Go. YOLO. Some of my fondest memories are when I went for it. Still alive and everything.

[missmarple]

But I would say the majority of why I want to go is because I am NOT impulsive and something needs to change! I'm not getting any younger... I'm extremely conservative when it comes to things like this but I want to live fully and not be so sheltered. Even if nothing develops romantically out of this, my gut is telling me it'll be a fun thing. At least an experience.

 

I know exactly what you mean, I could have written it myself. BUT it's also the thought process that has led so many people to disaster and we see it every day on the news.

You need to balance impulse with the size of the risk. It's one thing to say 'I'll call in sick today and spend my day at the beach with my b/f' and a totally different thing to go on a 4 day trip with a stranger.

In the first case, you risk losing your job..in the second case, you risk losing much more. Think about it.

[Fudgie]

I'm doubtful the trip idea will even come to fruition here. He sounds very hot/cold. He calls you once on abroad and asks if you want to go on a trip with him? You guys email only, no texts, and even as you said, you haven't even shared a meal together and yet he's asking you to go on a trip? Hmm, yeah.

[pippy longstocking]

I'm speaking with the wisdom of age. People are too scared of other people these days. Jeesh! 99.99% of the people you will meet are completely safe to be around. Young people these days concentrate too much on the 0.01%. With texting, cell phones, etc...it is even safer these days than it was when I was young. My advice? Go. YOLO. Some of my fondest memories are when I went for it. Still alive and everything.

 

^^^^^^ love you , love this xx

[SkellyWoozle]

skellywoozle ray of sunshine on this forum I always love your honesty ...cos you know what ..I don't know what I would do either hahahah

 

on the one hand I am thinking , ahh f*k it you only live once and the other half is thinking , is this going to end up been the top story on the 9 o clock news .

 

Ahh bless you, Pippy, thank you Likewise I'm exactly the same. I think I would go but just make it as safe as possible by ensuring I did all the travelling to the place myself, on my lonesome and meet this fella there. Have some fun. Keep in touch with people and then make my own way back. Silly as it seems, at least then I would like to think I was, in the most, master of my own destiny. Mwahahaha.

[pippy longstocking]

Ahh bless you, Pippy, thank you Likewise I'm exactly the same. I think I would go but just make it as safe as possible by ensuring I did all the travelling to the place myself, on my lonesome and meet this fella there. Have some fun. Keep in touch with people and then make my own way back. Silly as it seems, at least then I would like to think I was, in the most, master of my own destiny. Mwahahaha.

 

yep ..that sounds like a good plan and one mighty fine adventure

[Naomi99]

on the one hand I am thinking , ahh f*k it you only live once and the other half is thinking , is this going to end up been the top story on the 9 o clock news .

 

I agree, it has the potential to go either way. I'm not going to do this blindly without considering all the risks, so thank you for enforcing what I may miss.

Some things about him…he's had a crazy, rich life…lived in third-world countries, overly educated (holds TWO doctorates and fluent in three languages), only a few years older than I. I'm sensing he's kind of a loner, kind of mysterious, never been married. He'll do thinks like ride his motorcycle up to the mountains and camp alone for days. Which is completely opposite of me because I'm more like I need wi-fi, hand sanitizer and Chanel lipgloss. He's curious and simple, street smart and book smart. He seems like he could be a spy or a Jason Bourne type, along those lines. I don't know. Oh, and he's hot.

[SkellyWoozle]

I agree, it has the potential to go either way. I'm not going to do this blindly without considering all the risks, so thank you for enforcing what I may miss.

Some things about him…he's had a crazy, rich life…lived in third-world countries, overly educated (holds TWO doctorates and fluent in three languages), only a few years older than I. I'm sensing he's kind of a loner, kind of mysterious, never been married. He'll do thinks like ride his motorcycle up to the mountains and camp alone for days. Which is completely opposite of me because I'm more like I need wi-fi, hand sanitizer and Chanel lipgloss. He's curious and simple, street smart and book smart. He seems like he could be a spy or a Jason Bourne type, along those lines. I don't know. Oh, and he's hot.

 

Well, what are you waiting for?! Let me know if you decide not to go..... X

[Naomi99]

I'm doubtful the trip idea will even come to fruition here. He sounds very hot/cold. He calls you once on abroad and asks if you want to go on a trip with him? You guys email only, no texts, and even as you said, you haven't even shared a meal together and yet he's asking you to go on a trip? Hmm, yeah.

 

He's called maybe 5-10 times?? He never texts. When we talked a few hours ago, he laid out a thought-out itinerary, so he had to put some planning into it. I doubt he'll just say "Oh, I take it back. Nevermind. Bye." Maybe. I don't know, that's why I'm posting here.

 

Is he trying to have sex with me, you think?? Why wouldn't he kiss me on the first or second date?

[pippy longstocking]

yes me too ...infact can you come via the uk and pick me up .. ohhhh exciting