Charjay93 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I'm 23 and my partner is 24. We have been together for 18 months and I'm 7 months pregnant. From about 8 or 9 months into our relationship we noticed that our sex drives were different. My partner could go weeks without sex, kisses or cuddles where as I felt I needed that affection about once a week. Often we would go around 3 weeks without a lot of physical activity and no sexual contact. I've mentioned it to my partner that it gets me down when he doesn't want it as much as I do and that I feel rejected (because around 4 out of 5 times at least, over the course of a couple of weeks I will suggest sex to him to which he says no.) I try to explain that it's an important aspect of the relationship to me because it's how I feel close to him. It's not about just sex alone it's about intimacy and having and maintaining a connection with the man I'm madly in love with. He tells me that I should feel physically wanted and loved because he is committed to me and tells me he wants a future with me and has made a commitment to me by buying a house together which I do appreciate but I feel like the bad guy for expecting more. It's been 6 weeks since we last had sex and he is showing no sign of wanting to rekindle any intimacy. Last time I mentioned sex he said he wasn't in the mood and I said I would leave the ball in his court. I've tried to explain that the rejection gets me down because I love him so much and I only want that intimacy with him but he has no interest and that is why I get so hurt. He won't even passionately kiss me. I'm so down about the situation but I now feel that I can't bring it up to him as I don't want to pressure him and because he feels like he's "not normal." I have no idea how to deal with this situation. I've tried talking to mutual friends both male and female about it and none of them can understand why he doesn't want to be intimate. I tell him regularly that he's gorgeous and I love him with all my heart to reassure him as best I can but nothing works. I feel lonely and unwanted by the constant rejection and as though he's unattracted to me. HELP! 😭 Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 It's possible he doesn't want to have sex with you because you are pregnant. And some men can feel weird about it. But generally, he has a lower sex drive than you do. And there's nothing you can really do about that. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 How was the sex/affection in the beginning? It sounds like the interest dropped off once you started living together and now even more so with the pregnancy. You've told him all you can say and he just resists. Does he do drugs or drink a lot? Does he have women on the side or watch porn/masturbate constantly?I'm 23 and my partner is 24. We have been together for 18 months and I'm 7 months pregnant. From about 8 or 9 months into our relationship we noticed that our sex drives were different.He tells me that I should feel physically wanted and loved because he is committed to me and tells me he wants a future with me and has made a commitment to me by buying a house together Link to comment
Charjay93 Posted October 12, 2016 Author Share Posted October 12, 2016 That was my initial thought too and I asked him if he was turned off by the fact that I'm expecting to which he said no. I do want to believe that he's being honest as I noticed that his desires were different to mine months before falling pregnant. (It's true what they say, it does just need to be that one time!) Link to comment
Charjay93 Posted October 12, 2016 Author Share Posted October 12, 2016 In the beginning it was great. He was affectionate and just showed an interest. The balance was just right. He says that he doesn't see the point in maintaining that sort of affection in a relationship because it's childish and trivial. He doesn't do drugs or smoke or drink either. I don't think he watches porn or masturbates often. I hope not anyway. And I'm pretty sure there's no other women on the scene. If there is he's doing a very good job at hiding it! Link to comment
Charjay93 Posted October 12, 2016 Author Share Posted October 12, 2016 It's possible he doesn't want to have sex with you because you are pregnant. And some men can feel weird about it. But generally, he has a lower sex drive than you do. And there's nothing you can really do about that. That was my initial thought too and I asked him if he was turned off by the fact that I'm expecting to which he said no. I do want to believe that he's being honest as I noticed that his desires were different to mine months before falling pregnant. (It's true what they say, it does just need to be that one time!) Link to comment
Charjay93 Posted October 12, 2016 Author Share Posted October 12, 2016 How was the sex/affection in the beginning? It sounds like the interest dropped off once you started living together and now even more so with the pregnancy. You've told him all you can say and he just resists. Does he do drugs or drink a lot? Does he have women on the side or watch porn/masturbate constantly? In the beginning it was great. He was affectionate and just showed an interest. The balance was just right. He says that he doesn't see the point in maintaining that sort of affection in a relationship because it's childish and trivial. He doesn't do drugs or smoke or drink either. I don't think he watches porn or masturbates often. I hope not anyway. And I'm pretty sure there's no other women on the scene. If there is he's doing a very good job at hiding it! Link to comment
qwaspolk82 Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I'm 23 and my partner is 24. We have been together for 18 months and I'm 7 months pregnant. From about 8 or 9 months into our relationship we noticed that our sex drives were different. My partner could go weeks without sex, kisses or cuddles where as I felt I needed that affection about once a week. Often we would go around 3 weeks without a lot of physical activity and no sexual contact. I've mentioned it to my partner that it gets me down when he doesn't want it as much as I do and that I feel rejected (because around 4 out of 5 times at least, over the course of a couple of weeks I will suggest sex to him to which he says no.) I try to explain that it's an important aspect of the relationship to me because it's how I feel close to him. It's not about just sex alone it's about intimacy and having and maintaining a connection with the man I'm madly in love with. He tells me that I should feel physically wanted and loved because he is committed to me and tells me he wants a future with me and has made a commitment to me by buying a house together which I do appreciate but I feel like the bad guy for expecting more. It's been 6 weeks since we last had sex and he is showing no sign of wanting to rekindle any intimacy. Last time I mentioned sex he said he wasn't in the mood and I said I would leave the ball in his court. I've tried to explain that the rejection gets me down because I love him so much and I only want that intimacy with him but he has no interest and that is why I get so hurt. He won't even passionately kiss me. I'm so down about the situation but I now feel that I can't bring it up to him as I don't want to pressure him and because he feels like he's "not normal." I have no idea how to deal with this situation. I've tried talking to mutual friends both male and female about it and none of them can understand why he doesn't want to be intimate. I tell him regularly that he's gorgeous and I love him with all my heart to reassure him as best I can but nothing works. I feel lonely and unwanted by the constant rejection and as though he's unattracted to me. HELP! 😭 Some people just have low sex drives. My ex husband used to about how I wasn't affectionate and he always initiated sex. I told him time and again I have never been affectionate to any guy I've been with. And that I always let guys initiate. That's just how I've been. I was a tomboy. I never had a lot of boyfriends in high school. I don't know how to flirt. But he always said he felt rejected and used it as an excuse to cheat (before we got married). Or to watch porn. Or to use my credit card to buy porn which was odd. It's free everywhere. Some people just aren't that into being intimate. Some people just don't need a lot of intimacy. After I had our daughter we were not having a lot of sex at all because mainly I was tired because I was the only one really caring for her and at 6 weeks she got diagnosed with a serious medical issue and we were in and out of the hospital since then until now 2 years later. So I didn't have time for him honestly. Go to a couples counselor. Maybe that will help. Link to comment
CandyKins Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Has it occurred he may be having an affair? Is it worth it to you to look into it since your carrying his child? It's something you need to think wisely into Link to comment
buzzbuzzbee Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Well I'm sorry dear I know it's painful. Try not to bring the subject up to him, it will only stress him out and make him want it less. I noticed that the more you focus on yourself, on the good parts of the relationship, and kinda play hard to get in the bedroom department the more they want it. Just try not to stress him, give him some space, and let him come to you and then you can playfully tease him (and of course give in but make him kinda work for it) Link to comment
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