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I think I might be Asexual?

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I've never had any interest in having a boyfriend as I grew up unlike others in my childhood. It was so bad that my mother thought that maybe I liked girls, but that wasn't true either. I was interested in men, meaning i found them appealing to look at and had so such thought about women at all. However I've had two relationships, one I'm in currently, with men. I had sex with both, but both times I had done it as an expectation or to impress. But now, though I love my fiancee so much, I don't wish to have sex with him. I don't want to. The thought makes me uncomfortable. When we do, I don't really feel good or relieved or pleasured whatsoever. That's all he wants or talks about and I don't think he can fathom that people don't want to have sex. I'm not entirely sure if I am or not. What should I do? I love him and he's the greatest guy ever, I don't want to lose him over something stupid as sex.

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I don't think that any of us are really qualified to tell you whether you are asexual or not, only a therapist can tell you that. But that being said, have you ever felt turned on? Have you tried watching porn, or trying different things with your fiancee to see whether there is anything that makes you feel sexually aroused? Have you had a sexually traumatic experience at some point in your life?


In regards to your relationship, I don't think you can continue to have forced sex forever. Whats more, if your fiancee really loves you, I think he would want to know about these feelings. I doubt he would want you to be sleeping with him if you are feeling uncomfortable or like you are forcing yourself to. You need to talk to him, and a professional about this.

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  • 1 month later...

As an asexual myself, it sounds very much like you are asexual (or at least on the ace spectrum). Being asexual isn't about whether or not you have sex (some do, some don't) or whether or not you get 'turned on', as that's a purely physical response that isn't controlled by you! It also has nothing to do with romantic feelings, which asexuals are most definitely capable of having.


Being asexual means, purely and simply, that you don't feel sexually attracted to people (or only after a strong emotional bond has been formed). Many asexuals choose to have sex if they are with an allosexual partner, to make their partner happy. This is only okay if they are okay with it, though. A lot of allosexuals feel uncomfortable with the idea that they are unable to 'satisfy' their asexual partner and this can lead to conflict later on, so it's important that you talk it through with your boyfriend and decide what you both want out of the relationship.


I know it has been a while since you posted, so hopefully you have already done that. Good luck!

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