She loves me but is afraid to try again

[LostinLove333]

Hi,

 

Sorry for the long post. But I wanted to give a clear picture of what's going on.

 

I am a 29yr old man and my (ex)girlfriend is a 29yr old woman.

 

My girlfriend and I met each other about 6 months ago in the gym where we both go. We had some eye contact before but I never had the guts to talk to her because I thought she was “out of my league”.

I ended up having the guts to ask her out. She said yes and later I found out she was waiting for me to ask her for a while.

We went on a few dates (drinks, walks, dinner, …) and it really clicked. On the first date she told me that she came from a very difficult relationship: she was married for 8 years and it was 8 years of trouble and trying to make it work. Her ex wanted to control her life and she wasn't allowed to do anything. He was jealous all the time for no reason, etc etc.

She had been living seperately in the same house as her ex because she was still studying and couldn’t afford to live on her own.

My previous relationship was also not very easy. My ex-girlfriend was very disloyal and always flirting with other guys and stuff like that.

 

At the time when our relationship got more serious she was finishing shool and wanted to move out and finalize the divorce. I helped her out with everything, looking for apartments, support her in the divorce, … I was always there for her and always ready to help. This somewhat awkward situation wasn't easy but it also caused us to get really close in a short amount of time.

 

Things were great between us, we worked perfectly together and on every level we clicked. We texted and called everyday (most of the time she took the initiative). We spent a lot of time together but we enjoyed it, it was never forced.

 

In that time there were however a few conflicts. For example: I made a comment about something she wore when we were going to a party together. The top she wore was was very revealing. I didn’t want to be mean or anything but yea some stupid things came out of my mouth. I realized quickly I was being an idiot and eventually we made up. But that was really difficult for her and she didn’t take it lightly (neither did I mind you, I felt terribly guilty).

 

There were a few more situations where she felt I controlled her too much like asking if she would be out late with friends or stuff like that. Even though that wasn't my intention to be a controller and I never meant to hurt her or make her feel bad. She took it more seriously than other women would because of her past. In those “fights” she would say something like "we are too different, we think differently about a relationship". I don't think that that is true. I just lost my way and focused my life too much on her. That caused me to act a certain way in some situations. And I realize that was wrong, I realize that now more than ever and I’m an idiot for not being smarter about it at the time.

 

So a few weeks ago I noticed she was acting different. She was more distant and not showing as much affection as she usually did. I asked her what was wrong but she said everything was fine, that she was just busy with work etc.

One day she was very distant again and I told her to talk to me because I felt that something was wrong. She said we'll talk later and as I felt bad news was coming my body just went into panick-mode and I shut down. (I know, stupid again!). She calmed me down and the rest of the evening we sat in the couch very normally and when I asked "what did you want to say earlier", she said "it was nothing, nevermind”.

 

Later that evening, when I was home, she texted me saying that she doesn't feel right in the relationship anymore, that I control her life too much, that she feels like she has to always keep me into account and has no freedom etc.

I grabbed the phone and we talked and basicly it was her telling me all the stuff she thought were wrong. Some of it I do take the blame for, some of it seemed to me like it was just bad communication.

We hung up without an actual resolution since it was really late and we both had to get up for work early.

 

The next day I sent her a long text telling her I was sorry for the things I did wrong and that it's not who I am and that we can work on this and that we go so well together etc. (You can imagine what it looked like).

She didn't reply to that but in the evening of that day she sent me a text to ask how I was doing and how my day was etc. I told her I thought of her a lot and she said she did too. The next few days we sometimes texted but always very casual stuff. She would text me first most of the time.

 

I called her one morning (actually the morning we were supposed to be together for 6 months) cause I knew she was off from work and I asked her if we could go for a coffee or something.

She agreed and I went to her appartment. I had bought her flowers and earrings (I already bought them since we were gonna celebrate on that day). She was obviously happy with the gifts and we hugged and told each other that we had missed each other.

 

We talked for an hour or so and I told how much she meant for me and that I want us to be happy and that I did wrong things and just explained how sorry I felt and that I was an idiot for not realizing my behaviour wasn’t right. She said that it wasn’t just my fault and again claimed that we are just different. I disaggreed and said that I also believe in freedom in a relationship and that we should give eachother more space because lately my life only revolved around her.

 

We didn’t really come to a conclusion and I left. Later that night she texted me saying how happy she was with the earrings etc. And the next few days again we sent some casual texts. That weekend I called her up again asking if she felt like doing something together. She said “I have some stuff to do but I will let you know”. I didn’t hear much from her and she never really said “Okay, let’s meet” or “No I don’t have time”. So I left it at that.

 

The day after I didn’t hear from her all day and I was like okay let’s give each other space. Then she called me up that night and I was a bit surprised to see that. However I was too late to answer the phone and when I called back (1 minute later) she didn’t answer. The next morning she texted me that she fell asleep and we talked on the phone for a while. It was a nice conversation but again just about casual stuff. At the end I asked her if she would be interested to go do something fun this week like have a drink or go to the movies or something. She said “Yes, let me check my work schedule and I’ll let you know”. 2 days no contact and nothing from her saying if we were gonna hang out or not.

 

So by the end of the week I was just so stressed out and messed up in my head that I texted her “Can we meet this weekend? We really need to talk about this”. She called me up and said she didn’t feel like seeing me, that it would be too difficult etc. I told her that I understand and that it was also not easy for me but that we are 2 adults and that we need to address the elephant in the room.

 

We agreed to meet the day after. And she was very short and distand in her texts so I was expecting the worst. However when we saw each other both of us said that we were happy to see each other, we hugged for a long time and we went for a walk. We talked about some casual stuff at first and then started to talk about our relationship. I first asked her how she felt about this whole situation. Her answer was pretty short, saying that she felt bad about everything but that she feels that things cannot change. I explained to her that I had a lot of time to reflect about what happened and about myself and my actions. And I told her that it wasn’t the real me, that my past was still in my head, causing me to act in a certain way. I told her that I feel that we are good together and that we can work on this. That it’s not because a few light bulbs are broken, we should tear down the house. And she agreed with many things, also saying that she is still very much in love with me.

 

We went back and forth like this for a while. She would say that she doesn’t want to end up in a similar situation like before and that she thinks that this stuff will just always keep happening, that nothing can change etc.

 

During this time she showed me a lot of love (holding my hand, hugging, …) and she was very sweet. At one point I told her that this could be a new start for us, where we keep into account each others bagage from the past. And that we could start again slowly, no rush, giving each other time and space. She didn’t really reply to that and we walked back to my car and here bicycle and she took my hand again. When we arrived at the car I asked her “what will happen between us?” and she replied “I don’t know..”. I asked her “Do you need time or what is it?” and she said “Can you give me that time”. I said “off course I can but we shouldn’t delay things just to delay it”. We hugged, she asked for a kiss goodbye and it was all very good and romantic.

 

The day after she posted a photo on Instagram of her wearing that top I once made a comment about with the tekst “Not alone! Free”. I was obviously shocked, not knowing what this meant. But I just liked the photo and wrote a comment “Wow *heart-eyed emoji*” because I didn’t want to make a big deal about it.

 

The day after she texted me saying that she was gonna be the godmother of her brother’s newborn and that she was really happy about it. I answered a while later congragulating her and said she’s the best godmother a kid could wish for. She didn’t reply anymore.

 

This was yesterday. I have no idea what I should do now. After the last time we met, I had the idea to wait a week and text her casually if she would be interested to go for a drink or something. Mainly because she has always had the principle that “a man should make the first move”. But I’m afraid that I would not give her enough time and maybe get a bad reaction or a break-up text in return. On the other hand I worry that if I don’t text her, it will be harder to get in contact again or that she will have moved on or something like that. I’m confused with what happened on our last meet and what she posted on Instagram and that she texted me. I don’t know what to expect and I’m terrified of getting “that” call or text. I also don’t know what to do if she would call or text with just another casual “how are you?” etc.

 

What’s your advice? What should I do? What is going on in her head?

 

I love this woman with all my heart. It’s crazy to say this after only 6 months but I feel I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I cannot stand the idea of losing her. I have been in relationships longer than this before, but it has never felt as good. I feel like we just made a mess of things but it’s something we can work on, learn from and get better from. I cannot understand why she’s so afraid to give it another chance, knowing that I’m a completely different guy than her ex. And I feel that she also wants us to be together but she is just afraid. I tried to tell her that the only way we can find out if it can work is if we try..

 

The fact that she still showed so much love and affection confuses the hell out of me. I’ve been a mess for the past weeks, can’t eat, can’t sleep, … But the idea of it being all over terrifies me.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like she was not ready for a relationship. And sadly it sounds like she used you as a punching bag for all her unresolved issues. After 6 mos of using you as a rebound she decided to dump all her past issues on you.

 

Do you think she's trying to work things out with the ex since they still live together and he supports her?

 

Sorry this happened to you. She was probably hot so you put up with much more crap than you should have. Pull yourself together and go no contact and block her. You will start feeling a lot better when her drama and anger are out of your life.

At the time when our relationship got more serious she was finishing shool and wanted to move out and finalize the divorce. She texted me saying that she doesn't feel right in the relationship anymore, that I control her life too much

[starseen1]

As a girl I'm pretty sure she playing mind games with you. I know it might be hard or painful but if she texts you don't text her back for like hours. Try not be so obsessive over every one of her text messages. You should also stop with the idk stuff sit her down and say it's either yes or no because your causing me to much pain here. Try to do something that will take your mind off her.

[LostinLove333]

Thank you for replying.

 

I should say that in the beginning of dating we talked about having a serious relationship or not, so it's not like it was "forced" or anything. The relationship with her ex was done 2/3 years before we met. She was still living there but they had no relationship, just weird housemates I guess you could say. He also had a new relationship. She dated a guy for a few weeks in those 2/3 years and had some flirts here and there.

 

She is definitely not trying to work things out with her ex and he does not support her anymore. She supports herself now.

 

I don't feel like I had to put up with much crap. She is/was always kind to me, supported me with whatever, never asked for all the help I gave her, ...

 

I understand your reply and it made me think about her but that is just not at all her personality.

 

Also, why would she not just be straight forward after all this time? She could just text me "I'm done, leave me alone" or whatever.. Why prolong it?

[tattoobunnie]

"She's not that into you" She repeatedly keeps telling you she's not interested in you anymore. Listen to what she is saying.

 

I'd cut your losses. She's throwing you scraps, but no intention of getting back together.

 

And a reminder, unless you're married, or have plans, you shouldn't ask how late they will be at an outing. And a woman has the right to wear whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

[LostinLove333]

And a reminder, unless you're married, or have plans, you shouldn't ask how late they will be at an outing. And a woman has the right to wear whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

 

I know this. I never told her what to wear or not to wear. I never ment to "control" her, that's not the kind of person I am. I merely made a comment about it.

But nonetheless, it was incredibly stupid of me, I'm an absolute idiot for saying stuff like that and I have regretted those things ever since. But I'm only human, people say stupid things sometimes whether they mean it or not..

[Wiseman2]

Because many people employ soft breakup lines like "I need space", "maybe in the future we can..", "let's stay friends", "I still love you but can't be with you", etc.

 

Think of it logically. Do you breakup to build a relationship? Go no contact and see if you hear from her. Expect more ambivalence. She is going through a divorce, still lives with her husband and needs to have her freedom and date a lot of guys until she calms down.

why would she not just be straight forward after all this time? She could just text me "I'm done, leave me alone" or whatever.. Why prolong it?

[LostinLove333]

She is going through a divorce, still lives with her husband and needs to have her freedom and date a lot of guys until she calms down.

 

Thanks for the reply again. But I have to correct you: The divorce is done. They have been divorced for 2/3 years, just not on paper until about 4/5 months ago. She does not live with her husband anymore and hasn't been in any kind of relationship with him since the last 2/3 years.

[tattoobunnie]

I know you may think she could potentially be the next great love, but you two don't sound like a good fit. And she keeps telling you, you two aren't a good match.

 

Well, my hubby says a silly comment about me wearing something revealing, I don't get upset over it at all, and nor do I change my outfit. I find that with the right person, you generally never have to apologize for being yourself or your sense of humor.

 

I know you want me to reveal how there's shreds of hope here, but I don't see any. I think she's being very polite and distancing herself from you because she no longer wants to be with you.

[Iggy5129]

She's done and letting you down easy. Stop chasing her and start moving on. Eventually you'll push her enough that she'll have no choice but to be straight with you. Read between the lines: she broke up with you.

[Wiseman2]

She must have been really hot and sweet because still living with her legal husband and feeding you these lines about "emotionally divorced" etc. really had you believing she was ready for a relationship.

 

Sorry this happened to you. However the great thing is you learned the hurt of getting burned like this and can now see red flags live "living with ex" and "not yet divorced on paper" as the heartache ready to happen.

Thanks for the reply again. But I have to correct you: The divorce is done. They have been divorced for 2/3 years, just not on paper until about 4/5 months ago. She does not live with her husband anymore and hasn't been in any kind of relationship with him since the last 2/3 years.

[reinventmyself]

I can relate to her in a lot of ways. I was married to a very controlling man. When you find yourself having had succumbed to that and then having to fight your way back, it's life altering. Along the way you have to find the courage to leave the situation while you are trying to find your balance and get what parts of yourself that gave away back.

 

Since then I have been in a couple other controlling situations. I catch myself thinking 'I didn't come this far to do`this' again'

 

She is still in the process of healing from her experience. You admit to having some control issues and for her it feels like putting her hand on the fire. It's not even a matter of choice, she just can't do that again.

 

She did a slow fade on you because outside of the control issues, she did care about you and it was probably hard for her to let you go. After all, no one is all bad.

 

We all have deal breakers. I've met some really nice men but for me just a hint of control is enough to trigger me.

 

Control is a sign of abuse, by the way. Not saying you are abusive, but it is an indicator.

[LostinLove333]

Thanks for all your replies. Some of it is not easy to read and some of it hurts. But maybe that's because I haven't heard these versions yet.

I don't know what to believe. I find it difficult to think such "bad things" about her or about us. Because it never felt like that, it never felt like we didn't "match".

And as I have said, I have been in relationships before so I would like to think I'm not that blind. Before I met her I was very happy being single and actually didn't even want a relationship. I dated a few girls but always ended up losing interest. But after dating her for a while that changed, I really fell hard for her.

Nevertheless, I'm not arguing with any of your comments and I take them all into account. They have made me think in a different direction.

[LostinLove333]

Small update: She just texted "How are you doing?". Trying the no contact rule, if only for my own sake.

 

But still.. I find it so weird that she would text this, now, ... ?!

[EvaJ]

I personally think that you should reply to her message saying that you're doing great and that you have thought about you (as in you and her) and that you have come to a conclusion that she's actually right that you two are different and that it's time to call it quits. Then go no contact on her and see how quickly she comes running back to you. Basically, use reverse psychology on her and see if it works. You don't have anything to lose as what you're already doing clearly isn't working.

[Wiseman2]

They are breadcrumbs to nurture the friendzone status. Notice it says nothing and just probes vaguely. Are you going to reply?

She just texted "How are you doing?".

[LostinLove333]

I personally think that you should reply to her message saying that you're doing great and that you have thought about you (as in you and her) and that you have come to a conclusion that she's actually right that you two are different and that it's time to call it quits.

 

That's a big bluff, because it's not at all what I feel like. I'm not trying to play games here either, even if she might be doing so. (And even though I find the whole NC rule kind of a game too, I guess it's worth the try).

 

 

Are you going to reply?

 

I'm going to wait for a while, see what happens. If nothing happens in the next 10/12 hours or so, I will just answer with a short reply. Because I don't want to be rude either. It would already be the first time ever that I didn't reply for this long.

But I'm already expecting her to text again or even try to call..

[LostinLove333]

What should I say if she asks why I didn't answer or something like that?

I'm sorry for all the (perhaps dumb) questions. My head is just a mess right now and I can't think straight..

[LostinLove333]

She texted again "Ok... hope you are doing well".

 

I want to reply something short later, because I don't want her to think I'm actively ignoring her. But I don't know if I should say something "I didn't check my phone for a while" or whatever..

 

What to do????

[EvaJ]

She texted again "Ok... hope you are doing well".

 

I want to reply something short later, because I don't want her to think I'm actively ignoring her. But I don't know if I should say something "I didn't check my phone for a while" or whatever..

 

What to do????

 

I'd still go no contact on her if I was you. You might not feel like playing games, but believe me, courtship IS a game and she's playing it. But if you really don't want to do no contact then at least reduce all your contact with her to a minimum. Don't initiate contact at all. Let her do it. Also keep all your messages shorter and less insightful than hers.

 

And as to her message, just say, "Sorry for the late reply. I'm great, thanks. How are you?"

[LostinLove333]

Yesterday she tried to call me twice before I replied to her message. I wasn't ready to answer so I waited for about 15mins and called her back (I know...). She didn't answer so after a while I replied to her message saying "Hey! Sorry for the late answer! I'm okay, thanks. How about you?". She read the message the morning after but didn't respond. I'm guessing because of my silence she's giving me the same treatment. Blablabla, that's not right.. I know.

 

I was doing better the past day and a half but I feel knocked down again. Everything constantly reminds me of her and makes me miss her, there's not a second that I'm not thinking about this and every distraction I try, fails.

I'm going to try to contact her this weekend, to ask her to be straight with me. Even though I feel like if she will be straight with me and tell me that she's really done, I'm gonna fall even deeper than I am already.

 

I finally had the guts to speak with my mother about this and she was also very upset. She even suggested to give her a call or text her that she is worried about me etc.. I told her that was a bad idea and could only make things worse. Even if she had a pretty good relationship with my gf. What do you think about this? I doubt everything nowadays.

 

Thanks for everybody's help, I just don't see a way out of this anymore. I've been through break-ups before and I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent and rational person and I'm usually pretty good at putting things in perspective. But this goes beyond me. I don't even trust my own mind anymore. I've never felt this miserable before and I can't take it anymore.

[OhGreat]

People on break up boards often say to stay NC and any reaching out by your ex is a breadcrumb. It might be true, it might not – every situation is different.

 

The thing is that dumpers aren't typically going to break down your front door claiming what a mistake they made for fear of rejection. They will often throw out a feeler to see if there is any possibility of reconciliation. They may also be doing it to keep you on standby if things don't work out the way they had planned (making you Plan B – pretty crappy). Or worse, to try and stick you in friend zone.

 

Regardless of the reason, life is short. If you want this girl back then see her. If she reaches out say "It's great to hear from you, why don't you come over to my place and bring a bottle of wine" and don't bring up the relationship AT ALL. Just hang out, have fun and hook up - getting back together has to be her idea. She must do 100% of the pursuing as she was the one to end it. Also, don’t think that if you hook up it means you are back together as it certainly was not the case with me.

 

The down side to this (which is why most people recommend NC) is she could be setting you up for a roller coaster ride of emotions - I was on that for 3 months with my ex of nearly 7 years when I was trying to work things out after the initial breakup. We would have the best time in the world, talk about future plans (including having a kid) and lots of sex but ultimately she broke it off for good and moved out (I'm now 42 days in NC).

 

Although this has been the hardest thing I’ve been through in my life, I realize it will eventually get better through past experience. I know all too well that addict like feeling you have for her – she is like crack and heroine mixed into one. She ended the relationship and you did not want it to end – your brain still craves her. When women do this, they often have come to terms with the decision to end things LONG before they informed you. You will never get a straight answer out of her as to why she broke it off so don’t bother ask. She might not even know. The fact of the matter is her feelings have changed for you. As men we tend to use logic to solve our problems – women typically work on emotions. That is why they try to let you down easy (which causes more pain due to ambiguity – my ex said no less than 10 times “Maybe we’ll get back together one day” even the day when she was moving out and we were fooling around doing everything but actual sex).

 

This doesn’t mean she hates you (which is why they often want to friendzone you) but she doesn’t want to be in a relationship. If that changes, it has to be her idea. The only thing you can do is walk away and never look back. Keep the door open for her, but she has to be the one to walk through it. Be clear that you would like to work things out but you will settle for nothing less than a romantic relationship (not being friends).

 

In this time I’ve read Corey Wayne’s book 3 times now (How to be a 3% Man) and binge watched his videos on YouTube. I would recommend googling him as he really helped me to understand what went wrong (which sucks as I could have corrected things had I found his work earlier) and how to not make the same mistakes in the future. He also has a keen insight into the workings of a woman’s mind – stuff I have forgotten over the years thinking “she was different”.

 

As far as getting over it, time is your only hope. Sure, work out, hang out with friends, meet new people, get a hobby, blah blah blah like everyone will tell you. These are all good but NOTHING will help more than time. I would also recommend to start dating as soon as you are ready (or before) and practice the new skills you have learned so when you do meet the next great love of your life you are ready. New women liking you will build your confidence.

 

My breakup has been devastating and caused me to drop 35lbs in 3 months due to lack of eating. I’m not back to myself but I am trying – realizing that time is the only cure. The first few weeks I could only sleep a few hours a night – now I just have nightmares…lol.

 

I’m sorry that you (that we) are going through this. Eventually it will get better. Don’t be needy or chase her as it will just push her further away. Be the man she fell in love with, not the man she dumped. Lead your life as if she is never coming back as chances are she will not.

 

Cry your eyes out and don’t hold anything back (in private). Let your emotions run their course rather than bottling them up. Realize you were great before her and you will be great again one day.

[OhGreat]

Yesterday she tried to call me twice before I replied to her message. I wasn't ready to answer so I waited for about 15mins and called her back (I know...). She didn't answer so after a while I replied to her message saying "Hey! Sorry for the late answer! I'm okay, thanks. How about you?". She read the message the morning after but didn't respond. I'm guessing because of my silence she's giving me the same treatment. Blablabla, that's not right.. I know.

 

Remember, she broke up with you. You do not owe her anything. It's like getting fired from a job - do you need to return their calls? However, it sounds like she is reaching out. Use the above technique in my post.

 

I was doing better the past day and a half but I feel knocked down again. Everything constantly reminds me of her and makes me miss her, there's not a second that I'm not thinking about this and every distraction I try, fails.

 

Get rid of everything in your place that reminds you of her. Delete her off social media (if applicable), delete her number, delete pictures, everything. You will still get reminders but you minimize where you can. This will be a roller coaster ride and you will have good days and bad. You have to ride it out - the length of the ride depends on how much you loved her...from the sound if it; it sounds like a long one.

 

I'm going to try to contact her this weekend, to ask her to be straight with me. Even though I feel like if she will be straight with me and tell me that she's really done, I'm gonna fall even deeper than I am already.

 

Wait for her to respond to you. Treat it like a game of tennis - you lobbed one over the net and you have to wait and do nothing until she responds. If you chase her this will be a turn off for her and ruin any chances you have to get back (if there are any). And she will NOT be strait with you - don't fall into that trap!

 

I finally had the guts to speak with my mother about this and she was also very upset. She even suggested to give her a call or text her that she is worried about me etc.. I told her that was a bad idea and could only make things worse. Even if she had a pretty good relationship with my gf. What do you think about this? I doubt everything nowadays.

 

SUPER bad idea. You are a man and not in high school (I assume). It's great to talk to friends and family about your feelings but don't have them get involved. Nothing your mother can say or do will help you - it can only hurt.

 

Thanks for everybody's help, I just don't see a way out of this anymore. I've been through break-ups before and I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent and rational person and I'm usually pretty good at putting things in perspective. But this goes beyond me. I don't even trust my own mind anymore. I've never felt this miserable before and I can't take it anymore.

 

Don't trust yourself - you are not in your right mind. Regardless of the past breakups this one is current and you obviously have deep feelings. Don't let your emotions dictate your actions.

[Lola216]

It seems like she isn't ready to be in another long-term relationship and was using you as an emotional rebound. That's not fair to you.

[LostinLove333]

In this time I’ve read Corey Wayne’s book 3 times now (How to be a 3% Man) and binge watched his videos on YouTube. I would recommend googling him as he really helped me to understand what went wrong (which sucks as I could have corrected things had I found his work earlier) and how to not make the same mistakes in the future. He also has a keen insight into the workings of a woman’s mind – stuff I have forgotten over the years thinking “she was different”.

 

Thanks for the great reply. Really helped a lot. I've been binge watching Corey Wayne's videos on YouTube and just received his book in the mail. His advice is a HUGE help.

 

4 days ago we talked on the phone and this was the last time I had heard from her. We basicly said that we can't keep doing what we're doing now and we need to really call it quits. I told her I would miss her, that I loved the time spent with her, that I love her and that the door is always open for her. She started crying and saying how much she loved me and what a great guy I am etc. And she asked if she was still allowed to call me, to which I said "sure, I'm here if you need me". She said "You can always call me if you need me". Which I didn't respond to because I thought it was weird of her to say this. We said goodbye and haven't communicated since.

 

4 days feels like 4 months. I'm doing okay most of the time because I'm keeping busy and always reading/watching Corey Wayne stuff. But at times there's like a click in my head and I just miss her so terribly. I can't stop hoping for her to contact me and that's killing me.

 

But like you said: time is my only hope.