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Got back together with ex, some doubts.


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Hi there. I could really use some help.




Dated: unofficially three months, officially one month.


Breakup: Week ago. He broke up with me.


Reason: I was scared and insecure, and that's why I was too jealous, starting fights out of nowhere and being too obsessed and too demanding (I dated the bigest a**hole in the world before him). He was scared to say that he was feeling pressured, because he thought it would lead to more fighting. He also felt he needed more alone time but didnt communicate it with me because thought I would start a fight.


How the breakup happened: We had a fight (reason doesnt matter) and he broke up with me. I asked the reason and he said finally that he feels stressed and pressured in this relationship (hadnt told me about this before), but he didint want to lose me. After he told me this he said he felt relieved that he could finally say it and said he doesnt want to break up with me after all. I said that he cant do this to me, to break up with me and then take it all back second later, so lets just break up. He went home, I went home. Thought about it, texted him that i was sorry and I really would want to talk this through. He said he has to think about it. Texted back and forth, he said that the break up was for the best, and told me the reasons that I listed above. I begged for a bit, he told me he wants to be alone, i asked if we could just talk about it and take it slow and he said no and that he wants to be alone. I asked if we could talk about this later face to face and he agreed. I left him alone. This happened on friday.


During the weekend I had time to think about things, and I realized I had acted so horribly wrong. Also realized why and how to fix it.


On monday i texted when could we talk. He said tuesday works out. We agreed to meet on tuesday.


The talk: He came over tuesday, we talked about some nonsence for a while, I then apologized for my behaviour during the relationship and also said that he had opened my eyes for the mistakes I made and thanked him for that. Said I now know how not to make those mistakes ever again, and I just wish he would have talked to me earlier so we could have fixed it. He agreed that he should have talked to me earlier and said that he just felt so pressured that he needed to get away from it all. Also said that he was so stressed that he doesnt want to be with anyone at the moment. I said that if there is anything I can do to make this right I would do it. I also asked if it would be ok if we just saw each others more rarely and just see how things work out. He said that he is ok with that. I asked does he want to be exclusive or date other people too, he said he wants to be my boyfriend. But he said he needs time and his space and he is not sure how often he wants to hang out (maybe only once a week). He said he loves me and was sure we would work this out (he hadnt told anyone about the breakup because of this). He also said that during this time aparth he had thought that he doesnt want to lose me and he wanted to take it slow with me but continue dating. And he said that he came to talk because he wanted me back and if I wouldnt have said that I want to try by taking it slow, he would have. We agreed that we would talk about things that bother at all times and we would fight for this thing. We agreed that as long as we want to be together, we will try to solve everything by talking and breaking up is the last option. I told him that I cant go through with this again and he agreed. We kissed, said love yous and cuddled a bit. Then he left. In the evening he texted me "good night babe" and that is the last i heard from him.


Sooo everything worked out the best way possible. But I have my doubts and outside opinion would help.


Did he take me out of pity or does it sound like he qenuenly wanted me back?


The thing that puzzles me most is the fact that he told me that he doesnt want to be with anyone at the moment, that he wants to be alone, but then he said he wanted me back all the time? Notice that he finds it sometimes hard to find the right words. The way I had thought about it, that maybe he wants to be with me but he just needs more alone time atm?


Anything helps sorry this was so long and sorry for mispellings (english is not my native language).

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And the reason I'm asking: i need to know if he really wants this. I feel he does but something puzzles me. I asked him if he wants this for real and he said yes. I dont want to bother him with this and i will get over this. But i just need another opinion because im done with stupid decicions when it comes to dating.

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Dating for 1 mo. is not a relationship. It sounds like you don't get along very well and he feels stressed, pressured, unhappy and smothered. It seems you want much more out of this than he does.


He continually states he wants to be left alone and doesn't want a relationship. If you want just hang outs or hookups then he may agree as long as he has some room to breathe..Are you still seeing each other and communicating?

one month. he said finally that he feels stressed and pressured in this relationship. he said that the break up was for the best. he was so stressed that he doesnt want to be with anyone at the moment. he said he needs time and his space and he is not sure how often he wants to hang out
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So you have all of a sudden let go of your emotional baggage with one discussion? It would be good if that's the case, since you realize it was the reason for the breakup. Keep yourself in check and realize that a new man doesn't deserve to be accused of crimes that an ex has committed.


Only time will tell what his true feelings are. Let him take the lead in efforts in the relationship. You can better gauge his interest from that. You will have to be patient instead of relying on strangers who have no idea what's going on in his head. In the meantime, make sure you have a fulfilling life outside of a man--spending time on hobbies/interests, time with girlfriends, education, career, etc. Never make the man the center of your universe. It's smothering, and when you have a fun life besides him, you will also be a much more interesting person to him, and won't be devastated if a breakup happens because you have a lot going on in other areas of your life. Take care.

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You clearly are more keen on him than he is on you. He sees he has you on the hook, that you like him, and he feels safe to treat you as disposable because of that. I would make no further effort in this relationship at all and leave ALL the running to him. Let him make 100% of the effort from now on and do not accept being his booty call.

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