Tom767 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Hi, the other night my girlfriend went out drinking with her work mates, the whole night she didn't message me which is understandable however the next morning she confessed to me that she tried cocaine and one of her work colleagues kissed her, she admitted she told him to stop however when he made advancements she did not make the effort to stop him (push him away or leave) I am now stuck, I don't want to leave her but I hate the thought of the night. I feel betrayed and I don't know what to do. She has also told me she did have a soft spot for the guy and may have led him on alittle and I feel as though I can no longer trust her. I really love her and am broken I did not think she was capable of this and has always assured me that nothing like this would ever happen any advice would be great thanks. Link to comment
AvaD21 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 If she's told you she has a soft spot for the guy - hold your head high and leave, sorry x Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 It really matter's how YOU feel about this. Of you know you can't then you have to do what's right for you. Good luck Link to comment
lancelot873 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 agree with both posts. if she has a history of doing similar things (with guys) then I would drop her. if it's a "first offence" you can either talk to her about how it made you feel or, again, just drop her. if someone did that to me and say they have a soft spot for the other guy, I would just be like PEACE. Link to comment
Knot2loud Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Personally, I would give her another chance. How does she feel about what she did? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Unfortunately it sounds like she hooked up with the guy and wants to see where that goes. It most likely went further than the cleaned up version she "confessed" to, considering she's admitting she caught feelings for the guy. How long have you been dating? Are you exclusive?she tried cocaine and one of her work colleagues kissed her, she admitted she told him to stop however when he made advancements she did not make the effort to stop him (push him away or leave). She has also told me she did have a soft spot for the guy and may have led him on alittle Link to comment
Andrina Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I chose a partner with the same ethics as me. It's really a wonderful feeling to be able to have total trust in a partner and know they will never betray you in such a manner. She is showing you who she is---someone who flirts with other men, dabbles in dangerous drugs, and actually engages in the intimate act of kissing another man. Yes, this is cheating. If she truly loved you, she wouldn't risk her relationship with you by doing this. She is lacking in ethics and boundaries. It takes much more than love to be in a satisfying relationship. All of your major needs must be there, and deal breakers have to be non-existent. If cheating is not a deal breaker for you, your self worth is lacking. You have the capability of loving someone who is everything you want in a woman without deal breakers. The secret to finding her is to cut the losers loose so you can be free when a woman worthy of your good heart comes along. Take care. Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Obviously she has to stop what she's doing if you two are going to make it. And it will take some time for you to get over it. Some women just can't say no.... if that's the case here, she's bad news. Link to comment
rayfutz Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Obviously she has to stop what she's doing if you two are going to make it. And it will take some time for you to get over it. Some women just can't say no.... if that's the case here, she's bad news. I agree with Gary, some women just love attention. I mean all do, but if it is uncontrollable and obsessive, it shows when she is in a relationship. For ex, when you are not around, and she is out drinking and getting high with other people. Not exactly an environment or situation that promotes trust, especially with a woman you are trying to date. Now, maybe nothing more happened than what she told you, and she really did lead him on cause she was alone and liked the flirty attention. Still bad. When a woman, you happen to be dating, tells you she led "some guy on" especially given the circumstances, then it meant she was showing him she was available: not in a realtionship, single, in a relationship but rocky, looking for a way out, bored and he is more exciting, etc. Fill in the blank. High or drunk, this dude was so easily on her mind when you should have been... even when she was not in her full state of mind. Bad sign. She needs to stop this, she knows its wrong, but it sounds like she is after excitement or attention. you should not be ok with this. You need to put your foot firmly down and not waver. At this point, explain why this is not a healthy trust creating circumstance for your relationship with her (remember, its about your needs to. You are investing time into her. Dont waste your time). If she cant let up, simply tell her you can clearly see she is not ready to be in a relationship. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 She told you she has a soft spot for the other guy = she is not that into you. Pick up what's left of your self respect and walk away today and do not look back. In fact delete her number and all her contact info. No drama needed just respect yourself and be firm. It doesn't matter how much you like her, the feeling is not mutual and that's that. It bites, but better you find someone who loves you and respects you as much as you do her rather than stick around in a one sided situation where your feelings, regard and values are not mutual. Link to comment
dave_1966 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 On the basis you haven't been seeing each other long, drop her like a hot potato and block her on phone/FB, everything. Life's too short for wasters like these, seriously. Link to comment
catcountry Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 If my guy pulled this stunt our relationship would be OVER. Once the trust is gone so is everything else. Best wishes to you. Link to comment
SkellyWoozle Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Other men? Hard drugs, too? Yes, some women (and men, of course!) do like extra male/female attention, but it's not conducive to a healthy, respectful and trusting relationship if every time they go out you're wondering what they're up to. Your call, of course, but for me I would show them the door and tell 'em to clear off. Life is too short. Take care X Link to comment
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