Boyfriend cheated on me, gave me HIV

[jaredmb05]

I was with this guy for 3 years. Everything seemed perfect and from my point of view, we had a wonderful relationship.

 

Turns out this person who I thought was sp genuine and so sweet had a dark side.

 

2 years after our relationship, we were diagnosed with HIV. He told me he had gotten tested when I did when we first started sleeping together. He told me his doctor said he most likely had it but it did not show up in that particular test. About 10 months ago, I was diagnosed with Gonorrhea. Again, he said once of us may have had it because there have been cases where symptoms can take up to 5 years to show. I have never had an STD in my life

 

Fast forward to three months ago, he broke up with me out of no where and started dating someone three weeks later. I was heartbroken. He became cold and distant and acted like someone I didnt know. The person I knew told me he loved me everyday and was very affectionate.

 

'Fast forward to last weekend, a guy that I was seeing told me my ex and slept with his ex back in November. He walked in on them. He also had said his ex had Gonorrhea which explains why I also got it.

 

Now that the rose colored glasses have come off, I realized there was lots of sketchy thing he had been caught doing through out the relationship like having hook up apps on his phone and not coming home at night.

 

When I called him out on the cheating (he saw me with this guy and he sorta freaked because he knew I would find out about the cheating) he never responded. Completely ignored me.

 

This makes everything so much worse. I think I contracted HIV from his infidelities and I have been an emotional mess. Not only did he break up with me out of nowhere, but lead a double life and cheated on me multiple times. And now he's completely ignoring me.

 

How did I handle this? Do I reach out again for closure or an apology or do I just walk away and try and move on?

 

And input would be greatly ap[preciated.

 

Thank you!

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he warned you he may have HIV. However are you currently being treated for the HIV and whatever else you may have contracted from him? Do not contact him.

He told me he had gotten tested when I did when we first started sleeping together. He told me his doctor said he most likely had it but it did not show up in that particular test.

[jaredmb05]

Unfortunately he warned you he may have HIV. However are you currently being treated for the HIV and whatever else you may have contracted from him? Do not contact him.

 

No he never warned me. He told me he was negative. I am currently being treated and undetectable.

[Kaykayxo]

Wow I am sorry you have had to go through all this! Both emotionally and physically. You should have really questioned the HIV thing though, and especially after contracting yet another STI. He is a disgusting pig.

I would not bother with wishful thinking that he will apologize. Somebody who can sneak around and lie their partner to that extent does not have a heart, his apology will not be sincere if you have to force it out of him.

The most mature thing to do at this point is to completely erase him from your life and do not second guess it. This situation is awful but it is in the past, so you are best off to move forward. Good luck x

[Kaykayxo]

EDIT: I just saw that you said he told you he was not HIV positive. This is a criminal offense, as he withheld that information from you and you ended up contracting it. Look into that!

[Maybach]

Jared

 

I am very sorry to hear this. It is heartbreaking to give your years of your life to someone and to find out what they really are.

 

I have been in your boat too unfortunately. I was with someone only once who told me they were negative and told me "they had to much to lose" and later, I found out they were positive and on meds. I am not sure what to make of it except I felt angry, used sexually and totally lied to.

It was a completely sh**y situation. I had trusted them.

 

Thankfully, I am negative. It made me be so much more careful to not trust some people, as some of them will lie to you to fulfill their own selfish intentions.

As they cavalierly put my health and life at risk, I decided to have no more contact with this person What good can come from associating with someone who thinks so little of you?

 

I am so sorry to hear about this and I can empathize you must be feeling a sea of emotions like I did.

I hope you get some healing and peace with time. If you need someone to talk to in private, you are welcome to always PM me.

[masfas]

1) This is not anymore about him or that "relationship". This a health issue! He infected you with HIV and the gonorrhoea and you still want to contact him? Come on! Some dignity/sanity!!!!! It's almost making me to cringe.

 

2) Full medical check out with an emphasize on the classical STIs.

 

HIV: you should be followed in some HIV center! You should take a prescribed medication and follow all the recommendation, given by a doctor. In these days, considering a responsible patients i've seen, you can live years/decade without falling into AIDS stage.

 

Gono: Visit a dermatovenerologist. Gono is treated with ATBs. This one is curable but in these days there can a problem with a raising resistence to usually prescribed ATBs.

 

3) You should really sort out your priorities.

 

 

P.S: Try to consult your doctor about legal consequences. If he gave you gono (you knew about HIV) and knew about it.....well,...

[gebaird]

He sounds like a sociopathic a-hole who did his best to ruin your life in every way he could. No, you shouldn't contact him for an apology. You simply won't get closure that way. Cut and run. Enough damage has already been done.

[surfdiva]

2 years after our relationship, we were diagnosed with HIV. He told me he had gotten tested when I did when we first started sleeping together. He told me his doctor said he most likely had it but it did not show up in that particular test.

 

Wow, I'm REALLY sorry to hear this. I'm a little confused (in NO way judgemental) about this part. It sounds like you were both diagnosed as HIV positive at the same time? It also looks like he had an idea because his doctor told him he most likely had it.

 

As far as reaching out for an apology, I worry that he's such a cold person that he just may make you feel worse. Just move on, take care of your health and your mind. You'll be just fine. I know someone who has been HIV positive for 28 years and she leads a very happy, normal life.

[Ksol9]

Do not worry about him for an apology or closure. This man is not a good person. Worry about your health. Get tested to confirm results and then take the appropriate steps to make sure you are taking care of yourself medically. Also, there is a way to report him for sleeping with other people and not notifying them of his hiv status beforehand.

 

Take care of yourself. Stay away from this man. He is not a nice person at all.

[trickykid]

Im actually going to suggest something different. Im going to say go see a solicitor / lawyer and find out exactly where you stand. If you didnt know he had HIV and he knowingly gave it to you, plus the other STD he is in the sh1t. Plus is he is continuing sleeping with other women, knowing he has these things, he isnt going to get off lightly.

 

He may have destroyed your life but you can surely level the score, legally. You may even get to make him pay for your treatment too

[Jibralta]

That's outrageous. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Definitely don't contact him.

 

I've wondered what I would do if I ever ended up in this situation. I think I would find some in-person group support so that I could talk to people who are dealing with this situation. It's such a secret in everyday life, and I think I would feel so isolated not being able to have other people to relate to.

 

Does that sound like something that might be helpful for you?

[happpybear]

Im actually going to suggest something different. Im going to say go see a solicitor / lawyer and find out exactly where you stand. If you didnt know he had HIV and he knowingly gave it to you, plus the other STD he is in the sh1t. Plus is he is continuing sleeping with other women, knowing he has these things, he isnt going to get off lightly.

 

He may have destroyed your life but you can surely level the score, legally. You may even get to make him pay for your treatment too

 

I agree with this. In my country, purposely lying about HIV and infecting your partner is an offence. People go to jail for this. He knowing chose to ruin your life, my bet is he will do it again to someone else. If you go to the authorities he will be stopped from harming others.

[jaredmb05]

I agree with this. In my country, purposely lying about HIV and infecting your partner is an offence. People go to jail for this. He knowing chose to ruin your life, my bet is he will do it again to someone else. If you go to the authorities he will be stopped from harming others.

 

So I definitely won't contact him.

 

And he didn't purposely give me HIV however, he recklessly cheated on me and gave it to me. Tried to make excuses for how he had it but I recently discovered it was from recklessly cheating.

 

They fact that he didn't respond to me calling him out shows he's a coward and an awful person. I'd never put up with that so I won't now

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he shared his status with you

He told me his doctor said he most likely had it but it did not show up in that particular test.

[kloosterfooken]

He can go to jail for that! It's about like attempted murder. Seriously! There are laws on the books about these things.

I will say this for all those gay boys out there - I don't care if you are married to the guy - ALWAYS, always, ALWAYS use protection. Most gay men cheat! They can't commit to a house plant. It is your health you need to protect. I can't tell you how many times I have heard this same scenario over the years. I am so sorry sweetie. Hugs!