Tell me about your worst online dating experience !

[coolgirl]

I don't know if there is a thread about this but I like to hear about your worst online dating experience. Here is mine sorry if it gets long.

 

I met a man on the same dating site i always use. This man said he's a pilot. And that as a pilot he couldn't show his identity. For some stupid reason. First he said was 45, then he said he's 50, then he said he's in his mid 50's. (Persian) From 50's he stopped at 60. When we started talking for the first time guess what his conversation was about ? SEX. During that time, every-time I'd make a mistake and say something wrong, he ends up yelling at me and raising his voice. During this time I was getting to know him. He asked me to send a picture of my family and I did and of my sister. He'd start fantasizing about her. SEX was all he talked about. Go do this to your sister, go do this to your mom. I just felt so sick to my stomach. And if I didn't he would verbally attack me. So i end up lying to him about everything.

 

He called me a bi.... once, and wicked. He said how good looking he was how every women is attracted to him, and during the time we were getting to know each other he ended up having sex with one of his co-workers. It was a nightmare.So I went through hell with him and my family. And got me a plan ticket on valentines day to met up with him in Washington. I couldn't make it. And here I am trying to persuade my family to let me go they said they didn't mind as long as we have some sort of contact information about him where he lives, his phone number address and everything. Excuse me for saying this but one hard headed jack.....He said if I ever gave out any information about him that he cut all contact with me. So on top of it all that before he met me online he was talking to another women on there. They became friends and introduced me to her, and wanted a 3 way ( so sorry for saying this ) phone sex. So I just played along their sick fantasy.

 

He said how much he hated my family and my mom spoke to him he said how much my mom integrated him with so many questions which was not true because i was in the room. So i ended up going and seeing him for 3 days and stayed with him in the beach house but in separate bedrooms. I got sick for a day or 2. He believes in god. And talked to me for about 3 hours just that and that's something I hate talking about because I don't believe in it. So I just sat their and listened and basically played along. I do eBay a lot and I know my way around more than he does. He would badger me that the way I'm doing it is wrong and his way is the right way and that I don't know anything and have no sense in anything what so ever. We argued once while I was there and every time something would go wrong he'd always say I'm done with you. And he did that again while I was there and like a little baby went upstairs and went and slept at 7pm. And was bored out of my mind.

 

When he picked me up from the airport and the police stopped him and gave him a speeding ticket. And told me to put in the glove compartment I took one look at it guess how old he was ? 72. He was married before. Does not have any children which is hard to believe. He said his ex-wife suffers from Bipolar Disorder and he support her financially. His family would call time to time to check to see how he was doing while I was there and his brother said make sure she has a good time. We did not even leave the house at all. I was miserable. Before he said oh when you come here I'll take you out go sightseeing, go to different place, I'll take you to New York all that BS and ended up not being true. Just 1 night we went out to dinner that's it. When it came to taking a shower he used all the hot water, I ended up taking a shower in a cold water. While it was really cold there. He brought a bunch of stuff with him a suitcase packed with different things to take to my family. And I did I just ended up taking all them to goodwill and sold some on E bay. I didn't want any of it. I came back he got fed up with me one night and said I'm sick and tired of telling you what is the right thing to do on Ebay your own your own don't call me don't contact me. It took me 4 weeks to get over all that crap and it was around the persian new year and i was a big mess after that.

[shellyf62]

Why on earth did you not block him at the beginning? Why did you go & visit him?

[greta96]

That is indeed a horrid experience! You are a more daring than I'd ever be, because this: "This man said he's a pilot. And that as a pilot he couldn't show his identity. For some stupid reason. First he said was 45, then he said he's 50, then he said he's in his mid 50's. (Persian) From 50's he stopped at 60. When we started talking for the first time guess what his conversation was about ? SEX. During that time, every-time I'd make a mistake and say something wrong, he ends up yelling at me and raising his voice. During this time I was getting to know him. He asked me to send a picture of my family and I did and of my sister. He'd start fantasizing about her. SEX was all he talked about. Go do this to your sister, go do this to your mom. I just felt so sick to my stomach. And if I didn't he would verbally attack me" would have been enough of a deterrent for me to block the nutcase and move along. He sounded scary and bat$hit crazy from the start!

 

I didn't have any memorably bad online experiences, but then again I didn't stay on those sites longer than a month or 2 ... the only one that stands out is a cling-on who was going nuts if I didn't reply to his messages within 5 minutes, and this went on for 3 days until I blocked him...luckily I hadn't met him in person yet. So I can't say I had any horrid experiences, unless you count the huge number of men who I knew were married or in long term relationships that I saw on there posing as single lol... that left a bitter taste in my mouth.

[Batya33]

I'm confused as to why you would meet him in person, let alone keep communicating with him and get in a car with him. I don't think this story has anything to do with online dating -there are people like this everywhere - you easily could have met a person who behaved like this in person at a bar or a coffee shop or wherever -I met people who acted like this in real life and not just at singles events. Solution -walk (or run) away, stay safe, then since you've only been around the person for an extremely short time, you can move on because hopefully you haven't been assaulted or horribly harassed.

 

This story sounds like you for some reason enjoying the drama, the harassment, the "excitement" (of course in quotes) - could that be true and if so, why?

[Asking4advice]

My date paid in all change after splitting it half down to the penny. the bill was on 6 some dollars

[WithLove]

I kissed a date and his facial hair was so rough, it scratched me.

[coolgirl]

I wish I did. I asked him to come here and every time he would come up with excuses about his job. So I budged. He bought the plane ticket not me.

 

 

Why on earth did you not block him at the beginning? Why did you go & visit him?

[coolgirl]

Yea, I know I am a daring person. I admit. LOL And I wish I could shut down the site I use even if I did I wouldn't know how. I even called to make an complaint. They don't do anything about it. To many whack jobs out there. Especially when it comes to Plenty Of Fish I don't know if you heard of it or not. Half the people you met on there are in a either committed relationship, or married and looking for fun on the side. I swear it just makes me sick. Like you can't find one decent person out there. Why, has it become difficult these day's ? I don't do the club scene, I don't do the bar scene, what's else is there left ?

 

 

 

That is indeed a horrid experience! You are a more daring than I'd ever be, because this: "This man said he's a pilot. And that as a pilot he couldn't show his identity. For some stupid reason. First he said was 45, then he said he's 50, then he said he's in his mid 50's. (Persian) From 50's he stopped at 60. When we started talking for the first time guess what his conversation was about ? SEX. During that time, every-time I'd make a mistake and say something wrong, he ends up yelling at me and raising his voice. During this time I was getting to know him. He asked me to send a picture of my family and I did and of my sister. He'd start fantasizing about her. SEX was all he talked about. Go do this to your sister, go do this to your mom. I just felt so sick to my stomach. And if I didn't he would verbally attack me" would have been enough of a deterrent for me to block the nutcase and move along. He sounded scary and bat$hit crazy from the start!

 

I didn't have any memorably bad online experiences, but then again I didn't stay on those sites longer than a month or 2 ... the only one that stands out is a cling-on who was going nuts if I didn't reply to his messages within 5 minutes, and this went on for 3 days until I blocked him...luckily I hadn't met him in person yet. So I can't say I had any horrid experiences, unless you count the huge number of men who I knew were married or in long term relationships that I saw on there posing as single lol... that left a bitter taste in my mouth.

[coolgirl]

No, i dont enjoy it for one second and it's not true. The last thing on my mind is getting involved with someone that is mentally unstable.

 

 

 

I'm confused as to why you would meet him in person, let alone keep communicating with him and get in a car with him. I don't think this story has anything to do with online dating -there are people like this everywhere - you easily could have met a person who behaved like this in person at a bar or a coffee shop or wherever -I met people who acted like this in real life and not just at singles events. Solution -walk (or run) away, stay safe, then since you've only been around the person for an extremely short time, you can move on because hopefully you haven't been assaulted or horribly harassed.

 

This story sounds like you for some reason enjoying the drama, the harassment, the "excitement" (of course in quotes) - could that be true and if so, why?

[Batya33]

Yes and that is why your post confused me - what was your motivation for continuing contact with this person after one red flag after another and significant risk to your physical safety?

[Hermes]

"I don't do the club scene, I don't do the bar scene, what's else is there left ?

"

 

Cool: there is a place called normal - as opposed to insane - life, where people meet people in a variety of venues. Take your pick. sports, leisure, educational, associations, clubs (no not the crazy kind).....the list is long.

[notalady]

To be honest instead of blaming online dating or any specific website, you can improve your dating experience vastly by developing a strong "red flag detector" that tells you to run away from this person and situation. Currently yours is not really working.

 

If someone doesn't want to reveal their identity for whatever reason (his excuse is one of the weakest one I've ever heard by the way), it's a huge red flag. If someone talks about sex early on, even subtly, or sex seems to be their focus, it's a red flag. If someone lies to you about anything so early on, and age is one they usually lie about, it's a huge red flag. I wouldn't even let it progress to the point where he has the opportunity to yell at me or be verbally abusive but obviously these are all big effing red flags that you need to run away from as quickly as you can. Instead, you went ahead to meet him, I don't get why?

 

When people talk about bad online dating experiences, they're talking a bad first date where the person turn out to be completely different to their profile, or super stingy, or have weird mannerism, stuff like that which you would've otherwise picked up if you met them from real life instead of online. And I've had a few of these, I find them more entertaining/amusing rather than "bad experience".

 

But agree with Batya that your experience doesn't really result from online dating, you can meet someone like that in real life easily, rather you just need to exercise more caution and apply better judgement.

 

Wish you good luck in future dating.

[coolgirl]

Notalady: in my teen years I barley dated. I only had 1 boyfriend in high school and was with him for a year broke up cause I switched schools that was pretty much about it. I never attended high school prom or dances or anything. The other 2 after him that were in my life were basically long distance and I never had the opportunity to date them. I,ve seen them both only once but to go out on actual dates and spending quality time no. I never had that opportunity. I was with one of them for 2 years in a different city and another one in a different country for 4 years. What did I know about emotional abuse back then. I was young.

 

After that I met my ex husband on a dating site in the same state I was dated for a month got engaged after a month. We were married for 3 1/2 years at that time I was 25. I'm not a sociable person at all. So its difficult for me to strike up a conversation to anybody thats why i turned to online dating again and i tell ya over the past 7 years its been either physical abuse, emotional abuse, or being mentally abused and here i am thinking if im the one with the problem. And if so why has it been so difficult for me to be in a steady and maintain a relationship.

 

I suffer from depression, and that itself has took a big toll on every part of aspect in my life. So I don't do well when it comes to people in general because I always have that fear that either I end up getting hurt, go through the emotional pain, suffer about weeks or months at a time and honestly it's has gotten turn for the worst. I don't trust anyone anymore.

 

I did have 2 good friend but now they dropped me believe me when I say I've not done anything wrong to these people when they treat me like crap. A best friend that I have known for 25 years sense middle school drops his friendship with me over a stupid girlfriend of his, a good friend of mine that I've known for 13 years and see her as my sister barley has time to talk to me anymore now that she has had got remarried.

 

I swear if those 2 idiots were here now I would honestly say everything that comes out of my mouth. But im biting my tounge. I have no one. And I rather spend the rest of my life alone rather than wasting my time on irrational dysfunctional people. I do see a therapist but not as much as I should, made another appointment to see another one for women's center for the abused.

 

You asked me why I don't see red flags it's because I'm blind to see it and can't and won't accept it. I don't even know what that means anymore.

 

 

To be honest instead of blaming online dating or any specific website, you can improve your dating experience vastly by developing a strong "red flag detector" that tells you to run away from this person and situation. Currently yours is not really working.

 

If someone doesn't want to reveal their identity for whatever reason (his excuse is one of the weakest one I've ever heard by the way), it's a huge red flag. If someone talks about sex early on, even subtly, or sex seems to be their focus, it's a red flag. If someone lies to you about anything so early on, and age is one they usually lie about, it's a huge red flag. I wouldn't even let it progress to the point where he has the opportunity to yell at me or be verbally abusive but obviously these are all big effing red flags that you need to run away from as quickly as you can. Instead, you went ahead to meet him, I don't get why?

 

When people talk about bad online dating experiences, they're talking a bad first date where the person turn out to be completely different to their profile, or super stingy, or have weird mannerism, stuff like that which you would've otherwise picked up if you met them from real life instead of online. And I've had a few of these, I find them more entertaining/amusing rather than "bad experience".

 

But agree with Batya that your experience doesn't really result from online dating, you can meet someone like that in real life easily, rather you just need to exercise more caution and apply better judgement.

 

Wish you good luck in future dating.

[Batya33]

So then it's good you posted this because now you are being honest with yourself -nothing to do with online dating but the root of why you choose to interact with potentially harmful people. And telling someone everything that comes out of your mouth isn't the answer either - that's not being assertive it's simply taking the easy way out and venting. I know you posed that as a hypothetical but it sounds like you think that taking that approach would show you were behaving in a healthful way. It wouldn't IMO.

 

I'm glad you're seeking out more therapy -one thing I would talk about is how to shift the victimhood mindset so that you have a more balanced view of why certain interactions with other people don't go as planned or don't work out well.

 

Good luck!