Stuck

[Stuck1234]

So I had this really amazing friend/teammate who was easily one of my best friends at college. She helped me get through a lot of things, as I did for her. Throughout the year we had our ups and downs, but we connected in a way that I have never felt before. Eventually, I fell in love with her. This was so hard for me to admit to myself because I definitely am straight and have only had feelings for and been attracted to guys. This girl though, she is the only one I have ever felt anything about, and also this is the strongest I've felt about ANYONE. I would do anything for her. If she called me at 3am and needed something, I'd be there in a heartbeat. I would die for her...

 

Well like I said we had ups and downs. But it was mainly my fault during the downs. I pushed her away so much because of my feelings. I was so confused and I didn't want to feel that way about her, so I thought not being close would help me get over her. Well being with her everyday for our sport, it was impossible to just ignore her. So I kept falling harder and harder for her. When our season ended and the school year ended, I went back home which is about 2000 miles away from her. I decided then to delete her off all social media and completely ignore her. I thought not seeing her would help me get over her. And it's not like I would ever see her again anyways if we weren't even friends.

 

Well, I was completely wrong. It's been 6 months since I've seen or talked to her, and I'm still utterly in love with her. I can't get over everything, and I'm so lost and feeling worthless...I did try reaching out to her about a week ago. A friend of mine tried to FaceTime me because he saw her, but I was asleep so I didn't answer his FaceTime. So I decided to text her and say "I heard you saw so and so!" No response. I'm convinced she's pissed because I ignored her all this time and basically kicked her out of my life. Well I want her back. At least as friends, but I know for sure that I want her to know how I feel. I just don't have the guts to say...

 

When we were around each other, I definitely got the feeling she felt the same way. She called me her best friend and was always hugging me and touching me. And when we would be drunk she would touch me even more and, what seemed like, flirted with me. I don't think I can go on without knowing if she feels the same way. Cause if she did, I would drop anything to be with her. I don't care if people judge me or if it's against my own beliefs.

 

So what do I do? Is it too late for me to even try, or should I give it a go and reach out to her? If I did reach out, what would I even say and how would I

[Kaykayxo]

Tbh the evidence you are presenting to us and yourself that you believe she had feelings for you are not very concrete. I am very touchy-feely with my girlfriends. When we go out to the bar we dance on each other, hold hands, sit in eachother's lap, grab each others bums etc. We are all straight with boyfriends and it is all play. So I don't think that that particular behavior is enough to go off of, however what do I know.

 

I can understand it must be very confusing and frustrating to process, but she has no idea that you have developed less than friendly feelings for her, so she most likley thinks you are just a . "Distancing" yourself from her and deleting her off social media? For no apparent reason? If I was this girl I would think you either are a drama-starter or just not a nice person. This is not some guy you had a one night stand with, you understands why you would be behaving this way. This is a female friend whom you've probably confused, and I would not be eager to continute a friendship with or talk to someone after they have blocked me either. Keep that in mind.

 

I think the bigger picture at hand is you discovering you are bisexual. You are saying you are only usually attracted to men, but you have caught feelings for a women. Perhaps that is the bigger focus. Discovering yourself is a lengthy, complicated process and sometimes we surprise ourselves I suppose.

 

As for whether to reach out to her, I would say yes, apologize for your erratic behavior. As for what you should say? Im not completley sure. That all depends on you and whether or not you are comfortable. Perhaps if you can somehow open up line of communication with her again you may be able to see better if she is feeling the same way for you. Do you know her to have been dating girls? These things are key details. I would just go about it very slowly as you don't want to scare her away and remember that you did behave in a way that probably pissed her off.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are struggling with "questioning" feelings, even though this never progressed to anything but close friendship in reality.

 

Do you know what her sexual orientation is? Does she have a bf? You may get hurt if you just blurt out your feelings and she is decidedly straight.

So I had this really amazing friend/teammate who was easily one of my best friends at college. This was so hard for me to admit to myself because I definitely am straight and have only had feelings for and been attracted to guys. I want her back. At least as friends, but I know for sure that I want her to know how I feel. I just don't have the guts to say