How long does it take to completely get over someone?

[silently]

Okay so if you've seen my previous posts you know I'm going through my first break up after being with him for a year. It's almost been 2 months since the break up, and almost 1 month of zero contact. I've actually been doing so much better! I've been thinking about him less and less everyday, I'm starting to feel happy again, I'm feeling positive about the future and I'm really happy to see that I'm improving and starting to get over this. With that being said though, I still have random setbacks. Like I'll be completely fine for a couple days and then suddenly it'll just hit me again out of no where and I'll feel sad in till I distract myself or remind myself why I'm better off without him. I hate when this happens because I feel like I'm going backward and I don't understand why this happens when I KNOW I'm way better off without him in my life. From your experiences, how long does it take to stop having setbacks like that, and completely move on? (obviously I know this varies from person to person because everyone's situation is different but I'd just like to know how long it took for some of you.) Thanks!

[Kaykayxo]

I commented this on another post but relationships and love are literally like a drug addiction. Once you decide to quit them, it is very normal to have "relapses" or crave them. It is part of the process. What matters is keeping yourself on track and not letting any minor setbacks discourage you!! I am proud of you for your strength. Your attitude of knowing you are in a better spot without your ex shows you are happy with yourself and that is the most important part of moving on from a no-good relationship.

You are right, it is varying how long it takes to be "completley" over somebody. What does that even mean? Some people can be "over" an ex but still think about them from time to time. At the end of the day each week that passes away from an ex is a victory and gets you that much more distanced from everything. I also find that when you begin seeing other people, especially if it blossoms into something serious, this speeds up the recovery process a lot.

 

You are doing great, do not let little flashbacks or bouts of loneliness discourage you. It is a natural human emotion that is the aftermath of being able to experience love and its seasons. It is not so much about forgetting someone ever existed or that you loved them, but reminding yourself that they belong in the past for the reason and embracing the now.

[dirkdaring]

Agreed with kaykay, you're doing great!

 

You recognize that things are better without him, you're finding your own strength and making an honest, conscious effort to heal.

 

Don't feel bad when you have a "setback" and you catch yourself thinking about him -- it's completely natural and NOT a step backwards! Just observe it, allow it, and let it move on. Keep reminding yourself that you ARE better off without him.

 

I'm in a similar situation -- we broke up, and it stung, BAD, for a few weeks. But it's gotten better almost every day. She still pops up in my head, but I no longer have the overwhelming rush of emotions, just a "hey, I see you there in my mind, move along now."

[Wiseman2]

It's great you know what to do to feel better by remaining no contact and distracting yourself with better activities and thoughts .

almost 1 month of zero contact. I'll feel sad in till I distract myself or remind myself why I'm better off without him.

...same guy?

[emptyeffort]

hard to say cause its different from person to person. after the first few months you certainly feel a lot better and youre not depressed anymore. you can live day to day life etc. for me its been a year now. i still think a lot of her when i am alone with my thoughts. still miss her, lots of flashbacks to the good times we had etc. we are going to the same university so i see her regularly in the halls which isnt helping. i know im at a point where i wouldnt get back together if i could. was my first relationship, too. i feel like the worst part is the loneliness. apart from missing her i just miss a person in my life. someone to talk to, cuddle, be intimate with etc.

 

i guess for most people it takes atleast a year probably more to get completely over someone. no contact and distraction is key.

[reinventmyself]

I read somewhere once that it's typically half the duration of the relationship before you feel like you've turned the corner. This was several yrs ago and since then I've paid attention and it coincidentally seems on track for me.

At 2 mos you're one third of the way there. At the very least, past the hardest part.

Acknowledge every step and don't look back!

[pippy longstocking]

I read somewhere once that it's typically half the duration of the relationship before you feel like you've turned the corner. This was several yrs ago and since then I've paid attention and it coincidentally seems on track for me.

At 2 mos you're one third of the way there. At the very least, past the hardest part.

Acknowledge every step and don't look back!

 

 

was going to say that ...

 

op you sound like you are doing fab ...don't be disappointed in yourself if you have a few setbacks ..I would think there was something wrong with you if you didn't .

 

I personally have always fallen off one horse and got straight back on another ... the split that brought me here is a different story and the circumstances where extreme and I am talking years of healing ....but believe me this is out of the ordinary .

 

You are fabulous and you are doing fabulous x

[jennylove]

I don't buy the whole 1/2 the time you were in that relationship is how long it will take before you are feeling better or indifferent. One year is my vote. Whether you were together 6 months or 20 years, by 1 year of NC and no fb stalking, you will be feeling pretty amazing..

[dirkdaring]

I don't buy the "1/2 the time you were in a relationship is the mathematically perfect time to heal" mantra either.

 

Keep working on you, first and foremost. Also, read and learn. What do you REALLY want in a relationship? What do you really NOT want in a partner?

 

For me, it felt early like it was going to take a long time. Then, I had a revelation. One of those "a-ha!" moments that really cleared my head of so many of the things I was feeling, wondering, worrying about, stressing over. I look back and that moment literally shifted my thought process, and I've been more "myself" from that moment on.

 

I wish this could happen for everyone. It's been incredible.

[rich46]

I don't buy the whole 1/2 the time you were in that relationship is how long it will take before you are feeling better or indifferent. One year is my vote. Whether you were together 6 months or 20 years, by 1 year of NC and no fb stalking, you will be feeling pretty amazing..

Totally agree.

 

My parents divorced after 30 years together, and in no way did it take each of them 15 years to get over it!

 

12-18 months is my timeline based on three long term relationship break ups.