cymbaline Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I am in a relationship with a guy, we used to know each other in real life but he moved to another state and we reconnected and started a relationship. The first time period we started talking he was always sweet claiming that I was the only one who could make him this happy. Only there was a problem, he cheated on me twice, yet I stayed because I couldn't bear leaving. Then after about 3 months of talking he left me for a month. Then came back. I am a very forgiving person so I of course forgave him and again he was being super sweet and this time he seemed actually seemed to care and was protective over me.(last time he wasn't) This has been going on for about 6 months now, but he's already cheated on me twice again (He doesn't know that I know) He has many flaws and causes me so much stress but I can't leave him. I love him and love the times he's sweet to me, which isn't a lot but I can't permanently see all those flaws. I've tried to leave once but couldn't stand it and had to come back after a week. The pain I felt when he first left me was unbearable and now I can't even tell if I actually love him or just love the attention he gives me. He is great in ways, but not great in many more. I don't want to leave him I just want to stop feeling as much for him because I feel he's going to leave me again and if that does happen I don't want to be in as much pain as last time. I can't stand being in that much emotional pain so I need help realizing that he isn't right for me. I already know that he's inconsiderate (never really helps me when I say I'm upset) He lies a lot, It's hard enough not being able to have physical contact, etc. Yet mainly all I see are good traits in him. Any suggestions on how to get over him? Link to comment
Shortystylz Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 This is probably advice you do not want but move on. It might be less painful if you end it before he does but either way you will need to grieve. A man who constantly cheats on you does not love or respect you and I know that hurts but it's true. Find something (not someone) who makes you happy and soon enough you'll feel better and someone who's worth it will come along. Link to comment
Kaykayxo Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 First of all, you never told him you know about the cheating? How did you find out? There are all sorts of red flags in this relationship,and you know that. The truth is, people who are no good for us can become like a drug. We know they are toxic, we know they are causing us stress...but we are so addicted to them we just need that fix. I have been that girl as well. There is no simple solution or "Nicatine" that can make the "withdrawls" any better tbh. It is just like quitting smoking...you have to do it cold turkey and keep yourself on track! You will go through withdrawals. You will miss him like crazy, crave his touch, think you made the wrong decision and want to run back. You have to fight these urges and be strong. Tell yourself that you can curb these "cravings" as you are one more day of being clean of him. There may be minor setbacks or relapses and you musn't beat yourself up if you find yourself stalking his social media or replying to one text. It does not mean you have fallen off track. Just remember the task at hand and remain distant from his ass! He is no good for you and will only continue to cause you misery. Do not use up your most eligible years hurting over a man who could not treat you like the Queen that you are. Days will past, weeks, months...if you have the strength he can easily become a memory, a thing of the past. By this distance you will see him even more for what he truly was - a fool! I wish you the best luck, do not be discouraged and do not feel weak. Toxic people are seriously as addicting and hard to quit as cold hard drugs. It will take every ounce of willpower but by focousing on yourself and rebuilding your self esteem you will come out of this as the best version of yourself. Xx Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I am in a relationship with a guy, we used to know each other in real life but he moved to another state and we reconnected and started a relationship. I am not understanding the bolded part. You used to know each other "in real life" but he moved to a different state, so now you don't know each other in real life? Confusing the way you worded it... can you clarify? Is this a cyber relationship? Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I am not understanding the bolded part. You used to know each other "in real life" but he moved to a different state, so now you don't know each other in real life? Confusing the way you worded it... can you clarify? Is this a cyber relationship? In reading your post again, it sounds like it is. Sweetie, please know this is not even a real RL, it's a fantasy. And heck, some fantasy, he cheats on you, lies to you, and keeps leaving! What are you actually getting from this? Besides pain? Is there any joy involved in this at all? I realize these cyber interactions can be intense but again they are not real, it's time YOU cut HIM off and break away. Cold turkey is best just say goodbye, block and delete. This entire situation is on the fast track to absolutely no where....but more pain, confusion, heartbreak. Once you recover from this unhealthy addiction, vow to never allow yourself to become so wrapped up and invested in a "relationship" where you can't actually see and spend time with the person. It's a waste of time, energy and emotion. I'm sorry. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 It's not about being forgiving, it's about having no self worth. This guy has cheated twice in six months. He treats you like garbage and you continue to stick around for more. I think you need to start to understand why you are attracted to such an unhealthy situation. Is this how you grew up? What do you get out of staying with someone who hurts you and doesn't care about you? have you sought therapy? Link to comment
cymbaline Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 Yes it basically is, we knew each other when we were younger then he moved and we found each other on social media and started talking again Link to comment
cymbaline Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 I think it comes from not having many that truly care about me all throughout my life. I felt he did and can't stop believing the things he tells me. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Thank you You're very welcome. Please know, in time you'll be okay.... I promise! Time heals. ((hugs)) Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I think it comes from not having many that truly care about me all throughout my life. I felt he did and can't stop believing the things he tells me. Words mean nothing. You must only follow his actions. Please seek help, so that you can unstained why you are attracted to people who hurt you, and to learn to stay away from them. Link to comment
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