jah123 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Well, it's been almost a week since I was dumped by my ex. She seems to be doing fine(I know this from our mutual friend) whereas I'm struggling with different emotions everyday. One day I'm thinking myself: "It's all good, maybe we just weren't meant to be together" and other times I'm thinking: "Maybe I should call her, try to talk, meet-up, maybe there's still a chance". The thing is, she was a really good girl to me. She was really involved in this relationship, was trying to make things good, and I was such a d*ck to her because I wouldn't let her do stuff that normal girls do(like going out with friends and coming home late etc) and make problems about literally everything. I feel so bad about this, because I know I screwed this up. Now I know my mistakes. But I can't forgive myself that I hadn't noticed my bad behaviour before she broke-up. I could have changed my behaviour when I still had a chance, but I didn't and kept controlling her and was overprotective. All of this pushed her away from me. She kept giving me chances because she was hoping that my behaviour would change. But it didn't change and she's gone from my life. Now it's done. It's over. I haven't been contacting her since the moment of breakup(Just brought back her stuff via a mutual friend). I really wish there was a way to repair things, but from my previous relationship I know that it's pointless even to contact your ex. Link to comment
rich46 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Yeah, very normal for your emotions to be like a roller coaster for the initial weeks/months. Just try to reflect in the months ahead on your relationship, and on things you can change when with future partners. Not much more you can do really. Stay no contact, and your emotions will eventually settle down. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 It's not being protective, it's being controlling. Period. I suggest you get therapy for your issues. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Aww jah , come on buddy you are doing FABULOUS . You resisted the urge to contact her by letter and apologise , that showed huge self control because you where on the verge of doing it . What you are going through is everyones normal ... we have to go through this ..there is no way round , over or under ... we have to feel it , know it , accept it and then we move on from it and I promise you the feelings wont be this intense forever . It is actually fab that you recognise all you did wrong , I would be concerned if you didn't feel like this . Everything on our journey is there for us to learn from or to teach another . You know what you did darling .....please use this and keep it as another notch of experience because when you meet the next girl ( and I will eat dog poo if you don't , live on ena ) you will have more control , have a handle on your feelings in certain situations and control yourself . You are suffering with guilt , that makes you human , it makes you a nice man jah darling , it means something has registered deep within that your controlling ways where wrong . but if you hadn't had this experience you could have gone through years and years of acting like this . The universe puts certain things on our path to get them sorted out , to recognise right from wrong . This is all how it was meant to be ..you are living in a place of deep regret and guilt . I know it sounds cheesy , but just embrace the fact that this is a huge turning point on your journey . Behavior like this gets worse jah ....it all starts with the control , who she can see what she can do , it then goes up a notch until you are out and out abusing someone ...I have lived it , as have many ..men telling me what to do what to say , no friends left , stuck behind 4 walls , lonely , mentally abused , feeling like a worthless nothing ..this is how it all unravels darling ....and YOU are not one of THOSE men ...and you will make sure this never happens again . Hugs xx Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Bad advice! Very manipulative. Maybe, he should deal with his control issues with a professional, so that he does not continue with this pattern. bad is an understatement holls Link to comment
jah123 Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 Thank you for all the feedback. I'm not even considering therapy. I'm a student with limited money and also I want to deal with my issues on my own. I really miss her and I'm resisting to contact her. Thank you, Pippy, for motivating words. However it's getting worse I think..Gosh.. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Look everyone will scream no no no at my next suggestion .... but as long as you follow some harsh guidelines and understand this is not to try to reconcile , I think it will actually help you to write an apology . I will be the only one probably who thinks this , but I don't mind the hassle !! You know you did wrong and want to say sorry ..who knows maybe it will be helpful for her .. it wont make her want you though darling , I want to be very clear on my motivation here ... A person has the right to apologise ok . Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Thank you for all the feedback. I'm not even considering therapy. I'm a student with limited money and also I want to deal with my issues on my own. I really miss her and I'm resisting to contact her. Thank you, Pippy, for motivating words. However it's getting worse I think..Gosh.. Don't schools offer free counseling? Why wouldn't you want to deal with your issues of control? Link to comment
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