looking for answers

[august101]

Hey guys. Whats popping. Im here because im not sure whats happening between myself and my ex gf. Im pretty sure this is one of those threads you can relate to. I did a lot of reading bout it, maybe too much even. So here we go.

 

Met her in school, first relationship for both us of. We never knew it would’ve developed to what it did. We fell in love deeply, became the bestest of friends and the closest you could imagine 2 people getting. We would talk all the time, everyday, about anything and everything. Would see each other everyday and spend all our school time together. Was a bit of a fairy tail, having the person you love dearly and being with them all the time. Was very special. School had to end though, and we grew apart, never saw each other as much and she said she didn’t want the relationship anymore.

 

I didn’t know what I did now, so I did what I knew what to do at that time. Cried, begged, chased and after sometime I stopped. Wished her the best because she started university and we went our separate ways. We never really talked after that, she messaged me 2 months after, said she was sorry for breaking my heart and all that, I just wished her the best and that was it because I was understanding more as I was healing. Not all relationships last, for whatever reason she didn’t want it no more and I was starting to feel ok because that’s just how relationships are.

 

She’d hit me up again after a week asking how I was, told her im fine hope she was as well. Then she would message again about nonsense, showing me pics of gifts I got her and stuff. She called me a day, we talked for about an hour, dropping all kindve lines, how people get back together later on in life, she doesn’t know about us and the future and things like that. We kept talking on and off for 3 weeks, I was still emotionally vulnerable so I asked her if we could ever start over. She said she doesn’t know, it really didn’t make sense talking anymore so we stopped talking. Then I would get messages for Christmas , new year.

 

That was last year. Now this year, man oh man. Messages every month, sometimes angry messages but I paid no attention to it. She always kept in contact, asking stuff or asking my friends about me. Asking them about the girls I be hanging out with and getting jealous and things like that. I was still hurting and reconciliation was always on my mind but I didn’t know what was on hers. She called me 3 months ago, unexpectedly, we talked about a lot of things, from the break up to everything. Was good. We talked a lot for 3 months. she told my friends she missed me, and would keep in contact often. I Tried to meet up with her, twice actually but she never followed through. Again she would throw around words, shed like to see me, wants to , she’ll come see me soon, same talk about people getting together later on in life when they broke up and stuff. After those 3 months I knew we were not gonna talk as much, and I didn’t know where things were headed. I called her up, she didn’t say much so I figured out we weren’t gonna be the way we were those past few months. So AGAIN, wished her the best and that was it.

 

After 2 weeks, she contacts me again wanting to know how I was doing. Then again she would message, strike up a short convo we’d talk a bit and that was it. Now a few days after that she’d call outta nowhere, wanting to know about me and things ive been doing and all that. She called recently, not sure if shes waiting for me to call or something.

 

I would’ve never paid any attention to her but the fact reamianed we shared an amazing relationship. She was always there for me and even though she left she gave me 3 of the happiest years of my life. I never felt happier than when I was with her and she really was a great pathner and I would never forget her. I do still love and care for her, I hope shes doing really well. Im tryna get my life together, my job my education and everything really. So even though I still think about her a lot I got me to take care of.

I know she thinks about me, misses me also because we shared a lot and it really was special. The more I read I learn, truth is im a bit disappointed that she hasn’t directly asked to reconcile but she throws hints around. And she does all the contacting.

 

My minds all over sometimes, like theres no bad blood between us, why does she contact me so often, and if this isn’t leading to reconciliation then what is it leading to. At the end of the day we are exes. Im tryna play my cards correctly for reconciliation but truthfully I have no idea how to.

 

 

Sorry for the long post. What im getting at really is the topic of reconciliation. I have dated other girls after the break up and had great dates. even though I miss her and think about her I don’t hurt anymore. im no relationship expert and I don’t know what to do or how to carry about myself. Im sure she’ll call or message again soon, it doesn’t bother me emotionally because I keep busy..

 

But being honest with myself. I was extremely happy with her. And I would like to try again with her. Can we do it? Im not sure how to play my cards here. Any advice guys?

[Kaykayxo]

I'm sure she does still think fondly of you and the memories she has shared with you, but she is also toying with you like a ragdoll and you are allowing it. She isn't following through and her actions in no way show she wants to get back with you. Does she miss the comfort and company of you? Of course she does. My ex and I split due to similar circumstances & because there was no bad blood would once and awhile chat. It's a feeling of security. That does not mean you two are getting back together. I think it shows that she feels a bit of regret in her choice to end things with you, prehaps feels guilty or is not having such great luck in the dating world and misses your kindness and good traits.

But you were not her choice. She most likely is aware she could have you back if she wanted tp, and likes to come back. Can give people some sort of ego boost, power trip etc knowing their ex whom they dumped still loves them.

Listen I'm not saying she's some cruel women who doesn't care, all I'm saying is she chose to end things and is wishy washy and in no way seems like she would want to re-enter into a serious relationship with you again. I think it is more her searching for old comfort and missing you in a way that is more selfish than you may think. I could be being negative. Maybe you two will find eachother again down the road, and things will be better this time around. If you want a sure-fire answer, bring it up to her for Godsakes. Aren't men supposed to be the pursuers? If it's on your mind than say so, and she will be able to give you the answer you are seeking on here. If she is unsure, it's probably a sign that you need to keep on moving on, as she will most likley continue to send mixed signals and possibly break your heart a second time around if it gets that far. Good for you for healing and being able to be amicable with an ex who broke your heart, that is strength, however don't play yourself again. Openly discuss with her what it is she wants from you, and what you may want from her. If it doesn't align than you need to make any further contact curt and stop wondering if she will come around.

[Iggy5129]

Block her, tell your friends not to tell you about her. Problem solved.

[august101]

hi thank you for the reply. i walked away from her last year. after her birthday i did. she keeps contacting me, messaging calling and it never leads to anything. i dont see the point. we have no reason to talk so much. 3 months ago shes telling people shes missing me but when i hit her up to meet up shes never available. so i really am fed up with her. i dont intend to continue this lingo with her. so i am gonna follow your advice and ask her what she really wants and if she doesnt want anything with me then theres no use for us to continue talking to each other. thank you for your insight.

[Ms Darcy]

She's definitely toying with you. She doesn't want you but she also doesn't want you to move on.

[Sportster2005]

I think you should demand she stop contacting you. Move on. She's messing with you.

[tracyis300]

She maid a mistake on letting you go, and is now trying to hold on to the little hope that keeps pushing her away.

She has you on "lay-away" paying you off, little by little, until she can finally get rid of whatever it is that's holding her back from getting you. And your just sitting there on the counter waiting to be bagged up or not.

It's pretty obvious on what her motives are? And it's straightforward on what you can do?

Either ask her on where she is going with this? Or let her know that you want to "let go" and "move on" so it's best that we end this "reconcile" and move forward.

Good luck with your troubles!