Ex-Gf back in my life

[x360dan123]

The first girl I ever loved and I recently got back in contact after talking on and off for a while since she broke up with me 7 months ago. We get into an argument and then stop talking, but one of us eventually gets in contact after a month or month and a half.

 

I have been seeing another girl and told her about it and she told me she doesn't want to know about her and seemed jealous. So, I asked her if she had fallen out of love with me when she broke up and she got really candid and honest and said she was barely holding herself together at that time and couldn't be with anyone, and especially because i was leaning on her too much. She also said she really did love me before we broke up.

 

Before this, in getting back in contact with her, i told her about this girl and

she said you have a girlfriend go be happy, when i said i wanted to be friends. Then i said just because i'm dating a girl doesn't mean i still don't care about her and she just said no and then no again as i explained i still cared for her.

 

Then she said she wished she never met me and she brought up everything i had said to her over the past few months that i said in anger. At the same time, she said a few months ago that i meant nothing to her, yet she from what i gather is saying she never stopped loving me? I even messaged her saying i never stopped loving her either and she messaged back "Ok".

 

The truth is i still love her and actually do want to be with her but i moved on because she told me too.

 

I'm really confused and don't have too much experience in relationships. I'm 26 and she is 25. What is she trying to say? Any help would be appreciated.

[gebaird]

If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. Loving someone and being able to make a relationship work are two different things. There is an attachment/connection that forms when two people are together and even if they break up for good reasons it still pulls them towards each other. That's why it feels so awful when you lose someone, even if it was a toxic relationship and the breakup is for the best. I think that's what your ex means when she says she never stopped loving you. She still feels that pull. It doesn't mean she wants to be in a relationship with you. 7 months is a long time to still be waiting for her to come around. Do you want to still be waiting for her a year from now?

 

This isn't what you want to hear, and you probably won't do it, but your best option is to go no contact so you can heal. Don't try to be friends, don't try to get back together with her, just let her go completely. Otherwise you will remain stuck and/or bring "ex" baggage into your next relationship and ruin that one, too.

[x360dan123]

Thanks for the input. I try to go no contact but after a while i can't resist contacting her because i really do love her so much. I don't know how to let go because i still have the belief that something will happen and she will come back to me.

[Seymore]

Before this, in getting back in contact with her, i told her about this girl and

she said you have a girlfriend go be happy, when i said i wanted to be friends. Then i said just because i'm dating a girl doesn't mean i still don't care about her and she just said no and then no again as i explained i still cared for her.

 

 

The truth is i still love her and actually do want to be with her but i moved on because she told me too.

 

 

Don't lie to yourself - you didn't move on because she told you to. In fact, you didn't move on, period. In the same sentence you said you still love her and want to be with her. Not only that, you DATED another girl while still having feelings for your ex.

[Seymore]

I don't know how to let go because i still have the belief that something will happen and she will come back to me.

 

Sure you do, gebaird told you how. No Contact.

[IAmFCA]

Thanks for the input. I try to go no contact but after a while i can't resist contacting her because i really do love her so much. I don't know how to let go because i still have the belief that something will happen and she will come back to me.

 

Let to of the belief that "something will happen". Let go of the fantasy of her.

[x360dan123]

Thanks. I know you're right about letting go and going no contact, but i always end up missing her so much that i can't help it. I guess i just need to stick to it this time.

[IAmFCA]

Thanks. I know you're right about letting go and going no contact, but i always end up missing her so much that i can't help it. I guess i just need to stick to it this time.

 

Replace the vision of a future with her with a different vision.

 

It is difficult to subtract a behavior without filling the hole it leaves with a new behavior.

 

Thinking of how nice it would be to have her in your living room reading the paper? Envision you in your living room, alone, reading the paper, with everything else exactly as you like it. Or maybe, outside riding your bike, the paper still where it is, but you with a big fat smile because you went outdoors instead.

 

Lol as if you get the paper

 

You get the point.

[x360dan123]

I'll have to just accept it and let the fantasy go. Thanks again for everyone's comments, i really appreciate your insights.

[boltnrun]

Hopefully you have stopped "dating" the other girl. She doesn't deserve to be used as a bandaid to help you feel better when you're missing your ex.

[Hollyj]

Stop using the current one. End it. It is not fair, if you have feelings for your ex. Selfish!

 

You should either move on from the ex - block all forms of contact - or see if you can work things out.