Mixed Signals. He (21 M) is so hot and cold towards me (21 f)

[nurse21]

So this is an update from my previous post. My friend that I have every single class with in nursing school is so hot and cold with me. We kissed two weeks ago and he wanted to have sex, but I told him no sex until I'm in a relationship. He kinda backed off and I didn't really reach out to him, yet at school he was still super flirty.

 

Fast forward to this past week, he called me on Wednesday to come to class early so we could do homework together. We ended up talking about personal matters, like how many kids we want, life after school, etc. Then he texts me Wednesday night after class and was very flirty with me. Telling me to come over and that he thought I would want to see him. He had been drinking but wasn't drunk.

The next day in class, he was very flirty again. We ended up texting after class for about 20 minutes. Then he called me about a homework question. We ended up talking on the phone for an hour about random stuff. We were just goofing around and talking about some personal things like what we wanna do after college and what not. He then texted me later that night and told me to come over.

 

We ended up just cuddling and watching tv. And he didn't try to make a move on me. He held me all night and kissed my forehead.He did not even try to kiss me, which I thought was respectful. When I left, though, he didn't try to give me a hug or anything. He just said "if you wanna get together this weekend and study let me know". I texted him and thanked him for having me over and he said that he had fun. He did not try to text me at all the rest of that Friday night.

 

On Saturday, I texted him in the afternoon when he would wanna study. He didn't answer my text all day. He finally texted me back this morning at 7:55 am saying "hey sorry I haven't really been doing anything. I have no motivation haha". I texted back an hour later saying "you're good" and that's it. I think he knew I was annoyed because I'm much more animated in my texts. But honestly, I was annoyed because he told me twice that he wanted to get together and study. And his excuse was lame. He could have taken one second out of his day yesterday to text me.

 

He never responded to me saying "you're good". I just don't understand why he is giving me all this mixed signals. Unless I'm just dumb/blind and he doesn't like me at all? Wouldn't a guy who likes you wanna see you over the weekend? He made no plans for that. He did not text me at all this weekend in attempt to try to get together. He also has to see me in every single class during the week so why would he be all flirty with me and cuddle with me and kiss me knowing that he still has to see me?

 

My big thing is: why would he be all flirty with me over the last couple of days and cuddle with me and kiss my forehead yet not make any weekend plans for me? And why would he tell me to text him about studying but then completely blow me off and not respond until the next morning with a super lame excuse? Do you think he even likes me?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like he realizes you like him and he's using you. Pull back a lot.

 

No signals + what we want to believe = mixed signals

[ParisPaulette]

You need to realize something - hot and cold is what people who a) have emotional or other mental issues do or b) people who are using you do.

 

Normal, ordinary, run of the mill, "I have no agenda outside of hanging with you and us both wanting the same things" people do not run hot and cold.

 

It's not normal, it's not emotionally healthy. If you stay and allow someone to blow hot and cold on you then you also have issues.

 

Unless you're up for being mentally tortured when love is supposed to be easy and simple then sure stay, but otherwise I'm just going to say the way you handle these sorts of a people is a loud "No longer interested," and you block and delete them understanding that once they realize they've lost control of you they may double up on the hot behavior. And that as soon as they know they "have" you again they'll go back to cold.

 

Ever read the Peanuts comic strip? He's Lucy with the football. My advice is don't be Charlie Brown thinking this time he's going to get that football, because he never does.

[tracyis300]

The problem is that he backed off from you because of what you said? and you didn't reach out to him about where he stands on being exclusive?

Him being flirty? Is because he has an attraction for you and or? Just wants to get to know who you are.

Cuddling is just a way to arouse each other, not to be mistaken for wanting to be in a relationship with someone. Remember that he wanted sex, and you said only in a relationship?

You texted him about "Studying?" And he replied back saying he wasn't "motivated!" So if you were expecting more than just a study session? Then you need to state it!

He didn't make plans for you? Because the two of you are not dating? Your study buddies.

He blow you off because he wasn't "motivated" in studying over the weekend. So he most likely had other plans or other interest. And that text you replied back with? Is the same as saying "it's all good". And it's more than likely that he doesn't know you where annoyed after texting him that "apologize excepted" type of phase?

I'm sure he does like you! But the relationship you two share is just about studying with each other. So if your looking for more? Then you need to say it.

I bet he is just as confused as you are about what kind of relationship you two share? So clear it all up by putting it out there!

Good luck!