I've been seeing someone for quite some time now. Should I end it?

[Anon18150]

Basically, I've been with a man for quite some time now and we've been through so much together it's crazy. My problem? He's never really been the best with me, he's called me names, put me down, made me lose contact with all male friends, accused etc etc etc. Seems an easy decision to just leave right? Wrong. I still love

Him. I think. When things are good between us it's great and when it isn't it's like WWIII. But recently I've found myself crazy attracted to someone else. And I know he likes me too. We have a great laugh when we're together and I think about him when we're apart which causes me great guilt as I still have tons of love for man #1. He just never recipiates and I guess my love feels wasted. Recently me and my current party have been having rows every day to the extent I just walk away. He ends us. I end us. We get back together and repeat. My problem is I've found Myself thinking my lie would be so much simpler with the other guy (although this by no means means that I'll leave one guy for the next), in just wondering if it's a sign it's time to go? There's no trust. For example, today he received a text from an ex when I was hugging him and I leaned over to read it too as usually this was never a problem and he pulled it away and wouldn't let me see. He 'told' me what it said but still wouldn't let me see so I assume he lied about what the text said. He then decided he'd rather see me completely heartbroken than just tell the truth or show me (he says because I won't let him have my iTunes password and search through what I've been downloading then it's the same). See why guy #2 seems so much more appealing ? What do I do? I'm so confused. I love him but it's causing me so much hurt and I'm finding myself attracted to someone else

[BrokenGator]

Can you give examples of names and putting you down?

[Anon18150]

He's always calling me retarded and calling me weird and saying I have no friends. He's called me a slag and a a lot too as he knows it hurts me.

[Birdie]

Yes you should leave guy #1. Based on this and past threads he is abusive and your relationship is toxic.

 

BUT you should not leave to get with guy #2. You need to be alone for a while. I know that terrifies you and again based on past threads is one of the main reasons you have not left your current guy....but unless you learn to be ok alone and relearn who oh are as a person you're not going to be able to find a healthy relationship.

[SherrySher]

You're not in love with guy #1...you're addicted. This is completely different from love. You feel you need him and have gotten into a very toxic cycle and way of thinking.

You are trying to justify his bad behavior by looking back to when he is somewhat good to you, but it does not justify it. If he truly loved you back, the name calling and so on, would not exist. It's abusive and this is no where in the vicinity of love.

You either need to be on your own to heal and get your head back centered or consider if this new man can start a relationship with you that will be based on mutual respect and you can be good to one another, as that's what you need and not how it is now.

[HeartGoesOn]

My problem is I've found Myself thinking my lie would be so much simpler with the other guy (although this by no means means that I'll leave one guy for the next)

 

I find this a bit confusing. What guy are you currently with?

[SooSad33]

You've been with him.. for a while.

 

I suggest you do NOT look into jumping from him to another guy who is 'intrested', at this time in your Life.

You NEED to be able to mentally & emotionally stable to move on in a healthy manner.

 

Take a few months.. on your own to work on yourself BEFORE even thinking about dating again.

 

Goodness.. slow down and deal with this one, first. Then work on healing... get out of things that are 'toxic'!

[Anon18150]

Honestly, this is what I hate about this site. Nobody really reads.

 

I did state it didn't mean I was going to be with the second guy at all. It just meant I was confused as I was attracted to someone else.

 

I don't think anybody understands I don't exactly need 'healing time' either. I know the way I've been treated isn't good but I'm not mentally scarred by it. I've been through much worse than this. I'm stronger than this.

 

That's my issue. If I sit the guy I'm currently wth now and ask him what he really feels about me it turns him angry and says I shouldn't be questioning how he feels as I'm the bad one etc etc. It's driving me crazy recently. Even yesterday we ere out together when the text occurred and when I questioned it, it was

Turned back onto me.

[Sportster2005]

Honestly, this is what I hate about this site. Nobody really reads.

 

I did state it didn't mean I was going to be with the second guy at all. It just meant I was confused as I was attracted to someone else.

 

I don't think anybody understands I don't exactly need 'healing time' either. I know the way I've been treated isn't good but I'm not mentally scarred by it. I've been through much worse than this. I'm stronger than this.

 

That's my issue. If I sit the guy I'm currently wth now and ask him what he really feels about me it turns him angry and says I shouldn't be questioning how he feels as I'm the bad one etc etc. It's driving me crazy recently. Even yesterday we ere out together when the text occurred and when I questioned it, it was

Turned back onto me.

 

If you hate this site and don't like the advice, demand your money back.

 

Here's some more advice you can hate. Leave him and seek therapy for your complete lack of self esteem and self love.

[IAmFCA]

To answer your question in the title:

 

Yes.

[FlashEng1]

Honestly, this is what I hate about this site. Nobody really reads.

 

I did state it didn't mean I was going to be with the second guy at all. It just meant I was confused as I was attracted to someone else.

 

I don't think anybody understands I don't exactly need 'healing time' either. I know the way I've been treated isn't good but I'm not mentally scarred by it. I've been through much worse than this. I'm stronger than this.

 

That's my issue. If I sit the guy I'm currently wth now and ask him what he really feels about me it turns him angry and says I shouldn't be questioning how he feels as I'm the bad one etc etc. It's driving me crazy recently. Even yesterday we ere out together when the text occurred and when I questioned it, it was

Turned back onto me.

 

Yeah, +1 with Sportster, you're more than welcome to contact Support or the Admins here to demand a full refund.

 

We read... too much even. Hence why half the posts refer to your PAST posts, because people remember.

 

Personally, I believe you hate this site not because no one reads, rather, no one here is posting what you want to hear. We're not giving you the answers you'd like, nor are we giving you more reason to continue your addiction. Which is very much what this is.

 

True signs of an addicted person: "I can quit it whenever I want to, but...." and they continue what's CLEARLY harming them, and everyone else on the outside who aren't blinded or poisoned by it, can see as well. I'm sorry, but unless you have a child with me, are family, have CLOSE ties to or can threaten my career, OR would probably kill me, there's absolutely NO/ZERO/NONEWHATSOEVER reason to remain in the picture.

 

Especially with this crap:

He's always calling me retarded and calling me weird and saying I have no friends. He's called me a slag and a a lot too as he knows it hurts me.

 

Like come on Anon, there's your answer RIGHT THERE. Nevermind Guy #2. Because what you can't see (and many here can) are how you(ANYONE mind you) can carry over the bad habits/insecurities from Guy #1 into a relationship with Guy #2. Maybe I should be reading up on your past posts as well, as I cannot fathom how or why someone who is much stronger than this, would even consider EITHER option as an option. Maybe I've been enjoying being single too long, but the SECOND names like this are thrown out, I'm hitting the block button, and you aren't going to hear from me again. You're strong? Prove it to yourself and walk away before this gets any worse, or at the very least before you waste another minute of your life with someone who isn't right for you and putting you down with names like "retarded," and having no friends (dubya tee eff!??)...

 

You're mentally scarred by it clearly when someone can throw names at you like this, and treat you the way he has, yet you still love him? I mean, it's nice and all that you have ONE SENTENCE out of your entire post that talks about "I won't leave one guy for the next" yet your entire post talks about the positives and negatives of both men.. Clearly you have a handle on things.

 

Your SIGN to go was ages ago when the name calling began, or when you start checking out mentally anyway. Your holding on is the addiction. It really is as simple as that. "There's no trust."