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2 totally different guys.. It is so obvious yet I can't decide what to do

CoolioJJ

By CoolioJJ
in Dating Advice

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CoolioJJ Newbie

CoolioJJ

Posted
Posted

Okay, here goes. I tend to tell long stories but I'll try to keep this short. There are 2 guys I've been seeing for a bit now.

The 1st guy, I've been dating for almost 3 months. We go on dates weekly or biweekly since our schedules conflict at times and he goes out of town for work a lot & is in town during the weekends only. We haven't had any exclusivity or relationship talk but our chemistry is great & we've got a lot in common. We do have a sexual relationship too, it doesn't feel like we're in a casual relationship but he sucks with communication imo. Doesn't call but I've called him about 3 times, texts 3 times a week. His family came to visit him for a weekend and he basically vanished for 4 days with no hello. I take his lack of communication to equal lack of interest. When we're around each other it's different, he's so affectionate & interested in me.

 

Guy number 2: I've been going out with for almost 4 weeks now. Been on 4 dates, he's pretty great so far. Caring, quite communicative, includes me in his future plans(like wanting to teach me how to ski since Ive never been),he makes me laugh & smile. We text everyday & sometimes have long calls, I like being around him & he's a gentleman with the whole opening doors, being respectful. He hasn't kissed me yet(that I do not get) cos I'm 110% sure he likes me & has been trying to impress me.

 

Thing is I like guy number 1 more probably because I've been intimate with him & have known him the longest. My head is telling me to end contact with guy number 1 so I can leave my heart open for other potential matches but my heart is saying to just talk with Guy 1 & figure out if he wants something more serious. I just need to hear what you all have to say. Thanksss

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Seymore Mentor

Seymore

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Posted

Dude, guy 2 by far. And kiss HIM already. Where does this thing come from that the guy has to make the first move? It's 2016. I support equality, don't you

 

I think guy #1 is already showing you he doesn't intend to be serious. Why would he be? He's getting the milk for free. Think about it. You're sleeping with guy number one - a dude who really doesn't seem to show you much respect, and guy number 2 sounds like quite the guy and you're thinking of flaking on HIM.

 

If guy 2 is so good to you, what are you looking for that you're thinking of being open to other potential matches?

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SherrySher Grand Master

SherrySher

Posted
Posted

Easy decision..guy number 2. If anything is keeping you attached to guy number 1 it's the challenge and wanting to try and force him to care like you want him to, but it's not going to happen.

Here's a good piece of advice that someone gave me years ago. When you are trying to figure out who you should be with, always choose the second person...why? Cause if the first person was making you so happy and fulfilling everything you needed, person number two wouldn't have existed. You opened yourself up to person 2 because major things were missing.

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SoulTaker Collaborator

SoulTaker

Posted
Posted
Okay, here goes. I tend to tell long stories but I'll try to keep this short. There are 2 guys I've been seeing for a bit now.

The 1st guy, I've been dating for almost 3 months. We go on dates weekly or biweekly since our schedules conflict at times and he goes out of town for work a lot & is in town during the weekends only. We haven't had any exclusivity or relationship talk but our chemistry is great & we've got a lot in common. We do have a sexual relationship too, it doesn't feel like we're in a casual relationship but he sucks with communication imo. Doesn't call but I've called him about 3 times, texts 3 times a week. His family came to visit him for a weekend and he basically vanished for 4 days with no hello. I take his lack of communication to equal lack of interest. When we're around each other it's different, he's so affectionate & interested in me.

 

Guy number 2: I've been going out with for almost 4 weeks now. Been on 4 dates, he's pretty great so far. Caring, quite communicative, includes me in his future plans(like wanting to teach me how to ski since Ive never been),he makes me laugh & smile. We text everyday & sometimes have long calls, I like being around him & he's a gentleman with the whole opening doors, being respectful. He hasn't kissed me yet(that I do not get) cos I'm 110% sure he likes me & has been trying to impress me.

 

Thing is I like guy number 1 more probably because I've been intimate with him & have known him the longest. My head is telling me to end contact with guy number 1 so I can leave my heart open for other potential matches but my heart is saying to just talk with Guy 1 & figure out if he wants something more serious. I just need to hear what you all have to say. Thanksss

 

It all revolves around what your goal is in dating.

 

  1. Guy 1 - Has the best chemistry, which is why you like him more at this time. But his actions are "casual", which makes him come across as not looking for a relationship.
     
  2. Guy 2 - Is more compatible in how you want to date. If you're looking for a relationship, he's your best option. It's just a matter of spending more time with him.

BTW - Instead of waiting for Guy 2 to kiss you, maybe you should take the initiative and just go ahead and kiss him. Also, if Guy 1 was really serious about you, he wouldn't have left the door open for you to date Guy 2. Why did you go out with Guy 2, if you are so interested in Guy 1?

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missmarple Grand Master

missmarple

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Posted

I would give up on guy number 1. It's been 3 months and it seems like he's happy with the way things are going (sex without commitment, minimum communication, disappearing when his family is in town) when you obviously need more.

 

As for guy number 2, it's too soon to tell. Not having kissed you in 4 dates isn't that unusual. If you like him (and once you've stopped seeing the other guy), why don't you kiss him first?

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BrokenGator Collaborator

BrokenGator

Posted
Posted
Easy decision..guy number 2. If anything is keeping you attached to guy number 1 it's the challenge and wanting to try and force him to care like you want him to, but it's not going to happen.

Here's a good piece of advice that someone gave me years ago. When you are trying to figure out who you should be with, always choose the second person...why? Cause if the first person was making you so happy and fulfilling everything you needed, person number two wouldn't have existed. You opened yourself up to person 2 because major things were missing.

 

You gotta be careful with that advice because some of the "major things" missing is with "you". You don't want to end up being a serial dater or manogomist.

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Sportster2005 Mentor

Sportster2005

Posted
Posted

There's a difference between who we like, and who we are attracted to. Sort that out as you decide. Sometimes picking the person who is good on paper doesn't work if there isn't enough spark. Sometimes we pick partners based on too much on attraction, not people that are good for us. I would wager a lot of posts in here are because of this very thing

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masfas Newbie

masfas

Posted
Posted

Almost every single time when there is this "I can't choose between those two guys/girls", the right choice is none of those. You can't choose because both are lacking sth that the other has.

But if you really want to learn how to ski, give it a try. ;-)

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