Did my fiancé learn his lesson and won't cheat again?

[redhotchili5]

This is really tough for me, I (31/f) was dating my current boyfriend (37/m) for two years when I found out he never stopped being with his supposed "ex" the whole time, she told me everything. Needless to say I was heartbroken and in shock, we were just talking about moving in, I've met his whole family and his small son from a previous marriage. This explains his weird behavior, him not moving in yet despite coming over everyday and his declaration that marriage is just a piece of paper.

 

Long story short, I told him never to contact me and broke up with him but he wouldn't let it be. He called my phone 1,000 times, wouldn't leave my house, cried and begged and pleaded, and said she meant nothing that if he wanted her he would be at her house right now. He blocked her and hasn't contacted her since. He proposed two weeks later and told me he wanted nothing more than to get married, he's now moved in and we just came back from disney world with his son.

 

I have everything I want, am I crazy to think that this will work and that he is sincere. Does anyone have successful second chance stories or in you opinion do you think this whole thing is doomed from the way it started? Is it possible he really has changed? I want this so badly but I don't want to regret giving him a second chance.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like he is not trustworthy. It sounds like he needed a place to live and a sham proposal got him in the door. Hopefully he'll stop cheating.

 

Do not marry him or mingle finances. Tell your family and friends what is going on. Watch your back.

He proposed two weeks later and told me he wanted nothing more than to get married, he's now moved in and we just came back from disney world with his son.

[ParisPaulette]

But he was cheating on you for two fricking years -- two whole years of deception. Not a one-night stand, not a one-time you were both mad and broken up and he slept with an ex -- TWO WHOLE YEARS OF LYING AND DISHONESTY.

 

Just because he cries do you think that means it's fixed? My ex cried each and every time, called me thousands of times a day, showed up, did everything he could to get me back six times - six times in which as soon as he had me he was right back to cheating on me. I finally figured out that whatever he wanted to call it - love, obsession, losing control in some way, it hurting his ego, emotional or mental issues - WHATEVER it was, I finally wasn't going to be letting it be my problem. Because that ship was whack and I was off the crazy train, finally.

 

So is cheating on two women for two years then having a meltdown 'cause you got caught. Also mind you, he did not come clean about this on his own. The ex did, she's the reason you even know about his cheating. Otherwise he'd have married you, still cheating with her the entire time. This could have gone on for a lifetime if SHE, not him, SHE hadn't fessed up.

 

You need to take a really sober time out in all of this and realize the other woman was the honest one who finally gave you a heads up, not him.

 

Crocodile tears anyone? You've just let yourself be used by a moocher who needs a place to stay and someone to mother his son while he's out playing. I'm sorry, but what were you thinking and where is your own value and self-respect in all of this???

[agent1607307371]

am I crazy to think that this will work

 

Yes. He's learnt nothing other than that you can be manipulated by begging.

 

he wanted her he would be at her house right now

She's kicked him out, hasn't she?

 

This was two years of active, ongoing lies and deception. His words mean nothing. His actions, for the past two years, show you who he really is and how much respect for you. Which is none. Have some respect for yourself.

[Wiseman2]

Agree.

She's kicked him out, hasn't she? This was two years of active, ongoing lies and deception.

]

[AvaD21]

I think it is possible for people to change but I think it will be impossible for you to trust him again and that in itself means the relationship is doomed to fail x

[nao]

Sure, there is way back from cheating, but in this case I don t think so...

The guy is divorced with a small child, never broke up with his ex while being with you, so he has been cheating on you during all your relationship, now he wants to marry you...

Hellooo!!! Why would you even think about him? Consider yourself lucky you got rid of him before marriage and before having kids with him...

[Jibralta]

You need to take a really sober time out in all of this and realize the other woman was the honest one who finally gave you a heads up, not him.

 

Crocodile tears anyone? You've just let yourself be used by a moocher who needs a place to stay and someone to mother his son while he's out playing. I'm sorry, but what were you thinking and where is your own value and self-respect in all of this???

 

Agree. He's in it for himself. You may want marriage very much, but not to this person, please!!

[MissCanuck]

You will regret letting him back. Mark my words.

 

I know a woman who had an eerily similar experience to yours. He led a double-life with his ex for the first two years of their relationship. She found out and she and his other girlfriend confronted him together.

 

Same BS, he cried and begged. They eventually got married, a couple of years after this all blew up. Had two children. And guess who got busted cheating again? Not only with one woman, either. And guess who is now wishing she'd listened to her friends and family after we pleaded with her not to give this jerk another chance? Now she is stuck with two small children, alone. That is what you have to look forward to if you allow this to continue.

 

OP, you are in shock and deep denial. A lot of people in your position take the cheaters back, simply because facing the truth is too painful. However, I feel it was a huge mistake to let him move in with you after all of this. You've essentially just told him he can totally mistreat you and you'll actually reward him for it. Yes, you've rewarded him for cheating and lying.

 

If I were you, I would tell him to pack up his stuff and get out. The relationship you thought you had and the man you thought you knew aren't real, and they never were. You've only just really met him - the real him. And he is a total low-quality clown. You have been played a fool and he now knows you can be manipulated and fooled again with tears. Not good. This one is dead in the water.

 

You deserve someone who actually loves you enough to stay faithful and devoted. This man doesn't love you. And he sure as hell doesn't want to marry you for the right reasons.

[ABCABC123ABC]

No one here can predict if he will do it again. Does it really matter though if he has changed? He has already betrayed your trust and that is something that you can never get back. He could be perfect from here on out, but you will always have that doubt in your mind whether he is cheating again or not.

[Hollyj]

How in the world could you trust this guy, again????

 

I think you are really foolish for taking him back. He will do it again!!!

 

She was not the problem . He is. Don't be so desperate to get married ! Make better choices!

[shessofly]

You have doubts for good reason. Unfortunately no one can guess what he will do in the future, but it seems he has built a relationship with you on a foundation of lies from the get-go. It is not hopeful for your future together. Sorry.

[kamurj]

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