How do I move on?! What do I do?!

[andyckr]

It's been 1 yr and 3 months since I broke up with my ex lesbian girlfriend. We were in a relationship for 5 years. She made my life a living hell; long story short, she cheated on me on a non-stop basis with her now ex husband from 2 years whom she got knocked up from and is a gold digger. I finally got the courage to decide it was time for me to move on. I am now in a relationship with someone I met 6 years ago and I am crazy for her but the problem is that my ex girlfriend has started to try to get in contact with me and says she misses me and she wants me back.

I am completely sure my life was MISERABLE with my ex and that the way my girlfriend makes me feel, my ex, never made me feel the way my girlfriend does in the 5 years we were together and with my current girlfriend, she's perfect, everything I have ever wanted and looked for and makes me so happy that I have started to believe in love again and that there are some good people out there. But when my ex girlfriend starts to try to contact me, she throughs me for a loop on my feelings and just brings confusion and doubt on my life and relationship and due to her insistence, I am hurting my current relationship and girlfriend and I'm afraid of losing her.

I really need some guidance. I feel so lost, confused, sad, etc. cause my heart wants to go back but my head says she doesn't deserve me and her insistence on pursing me makes me doubt everything with my current girlfriend.

[Hollyj]

Why haven't you blocked her????

 

I strongly suggest you get counseling to understand what attracts you to chaos, cheating and disrespect. I think you need to take responsibility for staying with someone like her. You knew who she was and chose to stay. Why didn't you get out after the first time she cheated? Don't say it was love.

 

I'm not clear, you were with her while she was married?

 

You need to end it with your gf. She needs someone who is fully invested and not holding on to the past with their ex.

[andyckr]

Why haven't you blocked her????

 

I strongly suggest you get counseling to understand what attracts you to chaos, cheating and disrespect. I think you need to take responsibility for staying with someone like her. You knew who she was and chose to stay. Why didn't you get out after the first time she cheated? Don't say it was love.

 

I'm not clear, you were with her while she was married?

 

You need to end it with your gf. She needs someone who is fully invested and not holding on to the past with their ex.

 

I haven't blocked her because I am afraid of her and what shes capable of doing and telling people about my deepest secret which is that I am not out of the closet because I am not ready for my parents to know yet.

 

And yes, she was married still when her and I got into a relationship but she reeled me in with her lies from ghe very beginning which I should've known better but she took advantage of the fact that I was in love with her and used that knowledge to manipulate me every single time.

 

I have no communication whatsoever or have interest in wanting her back but she just confuses me when she's texts me and continues to call me. I just ignore her.

[Hollyj]

How could she cheat on you, if she was married. You were the cheater.

 

You are not a victim, and were fully complicit in all of this. Terrible! She did not take advantage. I think it is time that you start to take responsibility for your poor decision making.

 

What's the difference between ignoring. More excuses.

 

Your girlfriend deserves better.

[andyckr]

I haven't blocked her because I am afraid of her and what shes capable of doing and telling people about my deepest secret which is that I am not out of the closet because I am not ready for my parents to know yet.

 

And yes, she was married still when her and I got into a relationship but she reeled me in with her lies from ghe very beginning which I should've known better but she took advantage of the fact that I was in love with her and used that knowledge to manipulate me every single time.

 

I have no communication whatsoever or have interest in wanting her back but she just confuses me when she's texts me and continues to call me. I just ignore her.

I also continued to stay with her because I was stupid,, in love, naive and BELIEVED she honestly could and would change but when I went up for the delivery of her baby, I realized then that she was never ever going to change and that she refused to leave her other life and to that, I realized I needed to close that chapter of my life and move on but now I am trying to move on and she continues to want to come back cause she says she's realized what she had and wants me back.

[Hollyj]

The only victim is the poor husband.

[WashedUp]

So sorry that you're going through this.

 

Is there a reason that you haven't come out to your parents yet? What's the worst that could happen if they knew? Would they not want you to be happy? Your sexuality shouldn't have to be hidden, but it's your story to share, not hers. If this is all that she has on you, I would bite the bullet, tell your parents, then block any way that she has of contacting you. It seems that she doesn't really want you back - she just doesn't want you to move on and the only person giving her that control is you.

 

Are you ready to be in a relationship with your new gf? Don't make her feel the way your ex made you feel. If you are in it, you need to be emotionally invested and the only way to do that is to cut your ex off completely. How does your new gf feel about hiding the relationship? I wouldn't want to be someone's secret.

 

Good luck x

[Wiseman2]

Go no contact and block her. It's over and don't jeopardize your current relationship for this. Don't worry about revenge and her outing you.

 

You can't live in constant fear of her or allow her to have a sustain hold over you.

I haven't blocked her because I am afraid of her and what shes capable of doing and telling people about my deepest secret which is that I am not out of the closet because I am not ready for my parents to know yet.

[andyckr]

So sorry that you're going through this.

 

Is there a reason that you haven't come out to your parents yet? What's the worst that could happen if they knew? Would they not want you to be happy? Your sexuality shouldn't have to be hidden, but it's your story to share, not hers. If this is all that she has on you, I would bite the bullet, tell your parents, then block any way that she has of contacting you. It seems that she doesn't really want you back - she just doesn't want you to move on and the only person giving her that control is you.

 

Are you ready to be in a relationship with your new gf? Don't make her feel the way your ex made you feel. If you are in it, you need to be emotionally invested and the only way to do that is to cut your ex off completely. How does your new gf feel about hiding the relationship? I wouldn't want to be someone's secret.

 

Good luck x

I haven't told my parents because I want to be happy and in love before I tell them. My mom suspects and has asked me straight forward but she caught me off guard and I got scared and chickened out and denied it. But now that I have found happiness again with my current gf, she gives me the strength to want to come out to my parents and share my happiness with them. I know they will support me and love me no matter what but just deep down inside I still haven't gotten the courage to do it and just dont feel ready plus I want to be in a real stable and happy relationship before crossing that line becauseonce it's out, there is no going back.

[andyckr]

I haven't told my parents because I want to be happy and in love before I tell them. My mom suspects and has asked me straight forward but she caught me off guard and I got scared and chickened out and denied it. But now that I have found happiness again with my current gf, she gives me the strength to want to come out to my parents and share my happiness with them. I know they will support me and love me no matter what but just deep down inside I still haven't gotten the courage to do it and just dont feel ready plus I want to be in a real stable and happy relationship before crossing that line becauseonce it's out, there is no going back.

My gf is completely aware of the situation cause I have tried to be as honest as I possibly can with her about my ex gf and everything that's going on cause I believe it's only fair to her that the least I can do is give her my honesty.

 

About hiding the relationship, she is actually in the same boat as I am, she's also still in the closet as we speak but we are both so in love and really want to be with each other so much that we are working together and supporting each other to get the courage and come out to our families.