How to have confidence and talk to him??

[baozi626]

Hi, I am a 16 year old girl that goes to college.

So I got this problem because in my class there is a guy I really like but I have no idea how to make him interested. We already talked few times before. On our second day of college (that started a month ago) we got lost so while sitting in the libilary with the other guy, we made a small talk, he asked me where I am from and if its nice there. Then we talked in class as he sat next to me and said that he loves my pencil case (Tortoro) and that it is his favourite anime character. Then yesterday he asked me where did our class move on last lesson (class change). Everything looks good if not the fact that I am extremly well... wierd around guys I like. My mind goes automatically blank and I don't know what I am saying. After they leave I just want to puch myself in the face. I am also extremly awkward and clumsy, other girls from my class say that I m cute, but I don't feel that way because I am extermly tall and I feel like it does not go together.

The problem with not being able to talk to guys might be because I went to girl school for 3 years. I mean, I do have few guy friends back in my country or even I got few in college, but it was them who came and talked to me and now it just feel normal to talk and joke around (one even confessed that he like me and that completly terryfied me as I did nothing and I m not interested because I like the other guy. But thats different story..).

The other problem with the guy I like (I know I have a lot of problems in my life xD) is that he is always late or does not attend class, therefore even if I wanted to sit next to him, I simply can't because I have no idea where would his seat be and I can't save a seat for him because other people from my class sit next to me and ask for help in tasks or whatever.

Also I need to make him do a move quite quickly because there is the other girl in my class that has a crush on him (I know for sure because I was sitting next to her when she was confessing to her friend) and she is that kind of girl that talks to people easily. I dont want to see her as enemy because she is nice and I consider her as a good class mate but I really like a guy and I was heart broken before because I gave up my first love to my cousin because I thought that her happiness is more important than mine. It was very painful for me (I never told her because I guess that would make her suffer too) and if this happens again, I don't think I would risk it next time.

Sorry that I wrote so much but I wanted to make the situation clear. Please tell me, what can I do?

It is really hard to just come up and talk to guy randomly so please dont just say "talk to him".

Thank everyone for reading this, and hopefully for good answers!

[moodindigo91]

Well the good news is, he knows about you because you've talked a few times so it's not something you're doing cold. I would rehearse in your mind a bunch of topics you're pretty comfortable conversing about: food, school, favorite TV shows, you said you both like the same anime character so maybe start there. Any topic that you can talk about endlessly is one you'll want to use when you're nervous, because even if your mind blanks, it's a topic you are very familiar with so it will be more natural for you to speak about it or pick it back up if your mind does go blank for a second.

 

Also, I think the biggest piece of advice is to embrace awkwardness when interacting with boys you like. It's not always a bad thing if there's some awkwardness between you, as long as it's not awkward tension, it generally means you like each other. At your age, any interaction with a boy is bound to be somewhat awkward! Don't think too much of it.

[gebaird]

Can you perhaps connect with him on social media and initiate a conversation that way? Perhaps writing will be a little easier for you than talking in person, and you can get to know each other that way.

[Andrina]

First things first, confidence is the best attractor. You have to start practicing positive self-talk. Look at yourself in the mirror and say things about yourself like, "I love my long slim legs. I look cute in skirts. I can reach high things on shelves. I can eat a lot and not gain weight." Whatever positive thing you can think of is great. If you don't feel good about yourself, people will sense this and also wonder what's wrong about you that you feel so poorly about yourself. Sometimes people with poor self worth also attract abusers and bullies.

 

Change is always scary, but now that you are around more male students, it's a good time to start practicing. Being nervous is normal when you start a new behavior and are in a new situation. So what? The more you practice, the better you'll get at it. Start by asking another student if they understood something you didn't in class. Give someone a compliment about their shirt. Maybe ask where they bought it. Get a few students together for a study group. Ask someone, if you have time between classes, to get coffee or a smoothie.

 

Getting to a guy first doesn't always mean that first come, first serve. It doesn't mean you can't ask him to study with you or to go get coffee. I wouldn't put romantic moves on him though, without getting some clues that he sees you in that way. In my experience, guys like to chase a woman, but he also needs signals that she would be receptive if he asked. Don't be in a rush to pounce on him before the other girl gets to him. You will come across as desperate.

 

Have fun in college, be a positive person with confidence, and trust that the right guy will see the treasure you are.

[SkellyWoozle]

First things first, confidence is the best attractor. You have to start practicing positive self-talk. Look at yourself in the mirror and say things about yourself like, "I love my long slim legs. I look cute in skirts. I can reach high things on shelves. I can eat a lot and not gain weight." Whatever positive thing you can think of is great. If you don't feel good about yourself, people will sense this and also wonder what's wrong about you that you feel so poorly about yourself. Sometimes people with poor self worth also attract abusers and bullies.

 

Change is always scary, but now that you are around more male students, it's a good time to start practicing. Being nervous is normal when you start a new behavior and are in a new situation. So what? The more you practice, the better you'll get at it. Start by asking another student if they understood something you didn't in class. Give someone a compliment about their shirt. Maybe ask where they bought it. Get a few students together for a study group. Ask someone, if you have time between classes, to get coffee or a smoothie.

 

Getting to a guy first doesn't always mean that first come, first serve. It doesn't mean you can't ask him to study with you or to go get coffee. I wouldn't put romantic moves on him though, without getting some clues that he sees you in that way. In my experience, guys like to chase a woman, but he also needs signals that she would be receptive if he asked. Don't be in a rush to pounce on him before the other girl gets to him. You will come across as desperate.

 

Have fun in college, be a positive person with confidence, and trust that the right guy will see the treasure you are.

 

What a lovely post. More young girls should read advice like this X

[baozi626]

Thank You, I have much more courage now I will take things slowly and see what will happen next I will try to overcome fear of talking to guys and enjoy myself Thank you sooooooo much for great answers!!!

[H8Reality217]

your a girl, you don't need to approach guys