Need help decoding his actions/body language...

[Bluebird97]

I posted about this before, but think my question was somewhat misunderstood, so I've tried to rephrase it a little. I really just want to know why he gives me shy guy signs that he likes me, if we're supposedly just friends.

 

Is he denying his feelings (out of shyness or embarrassment)?

 

Is there some other possibility I'm not thinking of?

 

My coworker/crush only talks to me when we're alone. He also waves, smiles, and makes goofy faces at me. We have grown kind of close in the past year.

 

When other people are around, he ignores me, turns his back to me when he knows im near, stutters, or gives me the dear in headlights look. He even walks away if I get within a few feet of him.....just completely doesnt know how to act. He talks to EVERYONE else around him, but seems nervous around me.

 

I know its shyness because I am the same way around him in a social setting, but I do still try to work up the courage to say hi. It's just easier to talk to him without the pressure of having everyone else around.

 

He's always known that I like him, but he recently started acting a lot more shy and nervous....I haven't talked to him a whole lot recently or flirted, so not sure why his behavior has changed.

 

Shy guys supposedly get like this when they don't know how to act around a girl they are interested in. I gently confronted him about his awkwardness, but he denied everything including any possible feelings. He was really nervous and kept changing the subject to random topics. If he sees me as a friend, why can't he talk to me around our friends?

 

If he was uncomfortable with me liking him (which he's always known), or if he didn't like me as a person, he wouldnt still talk to me when we're alone.

 

He's never had a girlfriend (in his 20's) and is the quiet/shy type. He's a very big guy...about 6'5" and very heavy. I'm average height and a little curvy, but people sometimes tell me I'm pretty.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are hoping his "shy guy signs" outweigh his direct responses to you about "being good friends" only.

 

It's common to read into things when there is a crush, particularly that the crush is mutual but somehow mysteriously unrealized due to some miscommunication or in this case 'shy guy' syndrome.

 

What do the facts tell you? Has he asked you out? Has he told you "we are only friends" several times?

 

Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It may help you identify guys who are interested or not or shy etc.

why he gives me shy guy signs that he likes me, if we're supposedly just friends. Is he denying his feelings (out of shyness or embarrassment)?

...Same guy?

[Bluebird97]

Thanks or your response. Any idea why there's such a difference in the way he treats his other friends vs. me? What other things relate to a change in baseline behavior? I mean, he's known I've liked him for a long time. A lot of his nervous behavior is more recent. He hasn't asked me out, but his personality is extremely inhibited and shy. I've read that some guys won't ever ask a girl out...even if they know the girl likes him. I think he fits this category. Thoughts?

[Andrina]

Since he knows you like him, even if he's shy, that known fact would give him the confidence to ask you out. He likes the ego boost that you like him, but that is the extant of it. Start treating him like any other co-worker so that you can direct your emotional energy on someone who is interested in you. If you are having trouble meeting eligible men, try meetups.com. Also, most new relationships don't work out, so if you date a co-worker, if the relationship ends, you end up with the awkwardness of seeing each other every day.

[moodindigo91]

Yeah if he knows you like him, his shyness wouldn't stop him from asking you out. Besides that, he told you he just wants to be friends and denied any feelings for you. My guess is since he's shy and knows you like him, you're making him uncomfortable because it sounds like he just wants to be friends. So when you're around him, flirting and what not, he feels uncomfortable. All your other coworkers probably treat him like a normal coworker/friend so he feels comfortable when talking to them. You're the one putting on the moves. I think it's time to start treating him like a regular coworker and cut down on the flirting. If he liked you, he would have told you when you confronted him.

[Bluebird97]

We work in a casual environment amongst many married couples and relatives and don't share an office, so I'm not worried about that. I do treat him like any other friend, but at the same time, it's hard to talk to him when he barely let's me get near him without him without running for the hills.....unless we're alone, lol. I'm really not interested in dating other guys.

[Bluebird97]

I don't flirt with him....talking is at far as it goes, and he initiates most of the conversations. If I'm walking 100 ft ahead of him in the parking lot, he'll catch up to me and chat for a bit. Sometimes, he approaches me while I'm sitting in my car.....things like that. If he was uncomfortable, he wouldnt be approaching me. It's only in a social setting that he's uncomfortable....and I feel the same way. It's uncomfortable with everyone else around. I know I feel that way because I like him, but if he doesnt, why does he act like that?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he knows you like him and he's avoiding you either because it's work or he's not interested or he simply doesn't want a gf/dating situation.

 

Chasing uninterested guys will lead to disappointment. Learn to pick up on the nuances of interpersonal relationships so you don't make those around you uncomfortable.

it's hard to talk to him when he barely let's me get near him without him without running for the hills....

[Bluebird97]

Why does he approach me and act friendly when we're alone if he's so uncomfortable?

[moodindigo91]

Yeah you do seem pretty stuck on him and he is, in your own words, running for the hills every time you try to get near him, unless you're alone. IMO, OP, you should try to muster up some interest in dating other men because this sounds like a dead end. You'll spend many more months trying to decode his actions, and as far as I can tell he's been pretty up front with you in words that he isn't interested. His actions don't exactly read that he's interested either, instead they are ambiguous at best. You might just make your work relationship more and more awkward as time goes on.

[Wiseman2]

Whenever debates get this rhetorical it's because there is a specific conclusion in mind to the presented argument.

 

And that is you want to believe he is secretly into you but his shyness is preventing him form expressing that.

 

That's why this second thread on this same topic omitted the material about him specifically telling you he just wanted to be friends.

Why does he approach me and act friendly when we're alone if he's so uncomfortable?

[Bluebird97]

I worded it the way I did because so many posts were focusing on the fact that he isn't interested and that I just need to move on. What I'm more interested in....which still hasn't been answered precisely, is why he is acting the way he is. I really am fine with being friends with him. It's just that I'm struggling to understand how he's feeling, and why his behavior has changed while the circumstances havent. Someone said it's because I'm making him uncomfortable, which isn't accurate because he does talk to me. Maybe it's just one of those situations where you have to know the guy to really understand the situation/awkward friendship/work environment. I appreciate everyone's effort in trying to help me sort this out. Still feeling just as lost though.

[Iggy5129]

I worded it the way I did because so many posts were focusing on the fact that he isn't interested and that I just need to move on. What I'm more interested in....which still hasn't been answered precisely, is why he is acting the way he is. I really am fine with being friends with him. It's just that I'm struggling to understand how he's feeling, and why his behavior has changed while the circumstances havent. Someone said it's because I'm making him uncomfortable, which isn't accurate because he does talk to me. Maybe it's just one of those situations where you have to know the guy to really understand the situation/awkward friendship/work environment. I appreciate everyone's effort in trying to help me sort this out. Still feeling just as lost though.

 

The question is being answered: we don't know but the evidence points to him not being interested in anything more than a friendship with you. We cannot know WHY he acts the way he does, only he knows that. We're just going off the evidence presented and it shows that he's not interested and possibly feels awkward around other people because he doesn't want them to get the impression that you're anything more than friends.

 

If you would open your mind and actually HEAR what we're saying you would understand you already have the answer to your question. You're just not hearing what you want so you keep pushing for the answer you want.

 

Sometimes things are just what they seem. And it seems he's not interested in a romantic relationship with you. There's no secret motive to his behavior. You're just hoping there is.

[Bluebird97]

I'm not hoping for anything at this point, and there is no hidden motive in my question. If the reason for his behavior is that he hates me or I that I smell funny, I would be satisfied because then at least I would have a definite answer and stop thinking about it. The unknown drives me crazy. I believe there is a reason for his behavior....if there wasn't he would treat me like he does everyone else. I'm just going to keep being friendly and acting normal toward him. Maybe he'll eventually come out of his shell.

[Wiseman2]

There is no unknown. He told you he only wants to be friends and he avoids you at work when people are around because he must sense your crush.

The unknown drives me crazy