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Can I fall for someone I never even met?

fadedblessings

By fadedblessings
in Online Dating

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fadedblessings Newbie

fadedblessings

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I met this guy online through an anonymous social media app known as Whisper about a month ago (August 31). He's from Australia, and I live in the US. We instantly hit it off and we seemed to have quite a bit of similarities. He's a gentleman which makes me more attractive to him instead of his looks (we both are different races, he's white and I'm black). Two days after talking, we went further and he gave me his Snapchat, Kik, Facebook, etc to continue our friendship. He started off calling me "mil lady, dear, miss, ma'am" then progressed to "beautiful, amazing, adorable" I guess I have become a part of his life, but not physically. I started to quickly become attached to him.

As a lady, I'm learning how to control my emotions and not take things to fast with a guy. I told him how I feel about that and he stated that it's my rules and I shouldn't forget that, he will still be my friend regardless.

Friend turned into more quickly, I was texting him through Kik and he said "We may get busy & not talk for a day or two or go on holidays or something but I'm always here for you. I love you, and only you." Now we only talked for less than a month and he already confessed he loves me. I didn't want to be mean and not say it back.. (It's so easy to say those 3 words and not mean it..) I know I shouldn't have, but I indeed get attached to guy, and started fantasising life with him. Can you fall for someone you've never met?

At the beginning, he confessed how his last relationship, the girl left him for someone else so he's a bit hurt and been looking for someone to reconcile with for over 2 years now. He also mentioned he will be honest with me as I would do the same for him, and that he's lucky he has me in his life because I'm perfect for him including my flaws and all. Lastly he concluded that we can be together one day. (Again, ANYONE can something and not mean it)

Recently, since last week our communication has weaken. I always try to think of topics for us to talk about but I usually get a dry response or the feeling he doesn't care to respond. I know he lives in a different time zone, different continent, but we both make the effort to talk to each other. I'm actually emotionally attached to him, but if I continue to feel like he's going to ignore me purposely ignore me, I will have to cut him off completely. I even asked him if I was ever a bother & he told me no, I can talk to him about anything & he's here. But really, he's not. The last message I sent (today actually) was I told him that I feel like we are drifting apart & his last response was "I didn't think so...." Why so man dots? What is he actually thinking? Should I just ignore him like he does to me and claim he's busy? I don't want to doubt him for no reason but my mind is everywhere, and I don't know if he really means what he say. Guys can be manipulative and go after one thing, but the whole 4 weeks we were talking he didn't mention one thing about that particular subject which makes it difficult. I can't help but dream about him, and he just there in my dreams which sucks. I can't help to think that he's talking to multiple girls as well.

 

I really need some advice and will provide additional information. (Sorry I kinda threw everything in at once) Please and thank you!

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rosephase Mentor

rosephase

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"He also mentioned he will be honest with me as I would do the same for him, and that he's lucky he has me in his life because I'm perfect for him including my flaws and all."

 

You've been talking to him for a month, he doesn't know your flaws. You don't know his. Personally I believe its possible to fall in love without meeting... but really you are only falling in love with your idea of him. You don't know him. He doesn't know you. And while you can have a connection over video chat I don't know if you can even really tell if you are attracted to him. Smell has so much to do with chemistry.

 

Why are you spending time connecting romantically with someone who is so far away. Do either of you have the kind of money where you could see each other on a semi-regular basis? Or is this all just a fun fantasy?

 

If this is real what would the next step be?

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Unfortunately there are a few red flags here such as saying ILY to someone you talked to for a month and never met.

 

It doesn't sound like he's sincere so it would be best to cut him off and not get attached.

 

Go on dating apps and find local guys to date whom you can meet in person and have real relationships with..

I met this guy online through an anonymous social media app known as Whisper about a month ago I can't help to think that he's talking to multiple girls as well.
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ThatwasThen Grand Master

ThatwasThen

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You are infatuated (and no you can't "love" someone you've never met IMO you can mistake your infatuation and your lust for love though) and you've grown attached to the attention he once was giving you and now seems to be withdrawing.

 

Why are you doing this to yourself? Why keep up a "chat buddy" interaction where you are getting more and more attached when you could be out there meeting boys in person that don't live thousands of miles away from you with whom you'll likely never meet. Everything you know about him, you can not assume is the truth either. Words without action to back them up are just words.

 

Start the fade on him because I think that's what he's doing to you. He can likely see that you're getting to dependent on him for your joy and self-worth and he realizes that its not healthy. If he doesn't see that, then I hope you do now that you've started this thread and gotten some feedback.

 

Fade this out and get on with meeting guys in real life. You'll be glad you did.

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cucumber95 Newbie

cucumber95

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You can, but the person you start loving might be not the same as person you meet. I had this with my ex-gf, I had feelings for her before we met, I knew she is the one, we spoke on skype, fb, etc.. and then we met, and it was allright, we had same feelings, and we had lovely time together for 7 months.

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limichelle Mentor

limichelle

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You have to meet to see if there is chemistry that's the only way you can tell if you two are right for each other as more then friends. Over the internet it is a fantasy really but it can turn into reality. I met my guy online and we talked for eight months and met and felt the sparks and chemistry that we anticipated to feel so it can happen.

 

Lisa

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Capricorn3 Grand Master

Capricorn3

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This sounds like a major case of infatuation and fantasy on your part, and a huge amount of insincerity on his part. He's leading you on and enjoyed the attention - you boosted his ego and that was all. He's now busy with real life people and more or less forgets about you and is bored with the cyber "relationship". Seriously, move on cause this aint going nowhere. Don't waste your time anymore - find someone in real life where you live.

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melancholy123 Grand Master

melancholy123

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You dont love him, you love the ILLUSION of him. You dont know him. I dont believe you can love someone you have never met, He could be telling many girls the same story online and if he's slow to respond to you he may well have another girl on the hook who he's telling the same stuff to. You'd be better off to forget this guy and find someone in the real world that you can actually see and interact with, not some random guy thousands of miles away. He could actually be married with a bunch of kids, you dont know for sure.

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