Big age gap

[tgpp]

Hello all. I'm 26 years old in a relationship with a 38 year old woman. It started out of a sudden. At first we were talking much on facebook, then we started going out, then we had sex and then a relationship, within the first month.

 

The first 4 months were magical, I had all her attention, we were spending time together, talking much etc. Age gap equals different economics. I am a PhD candidate, I have no job and I cannot go out much. I explained that to her and she accepted. At least, at first.

 

Summer came and she spent in touring on vacations, she was contacting me little (once a day or something). Summer brought many problems, we were meeting every ten days or something. Then September came, and I was hoping that everything could be back to normal.

 

But now she is distant. We haven't met for 2 weeks, haven't had sex for a month and all we argue constantly. In our last argument (we got no contact for a whole week) she told me that the things I do are not the things she is seeking for in her age etc etc... Then no sex, as I mentioned, followed.

 

I asked her if she has lost interest and she told me "definitely no", and she told me that she keeps wanting me. .I complained to her about not seing each other, not calling, her not answering etc and she told me that all these are lies. Then she told me that my character is bad, but she still wants to be with me.

 

The thing is that I feel very insecure. And each time we arrange going out and she agrees, at first I am really happy and thing that everything is gonna be ok, but then she cancels and I feel the same pessimism.

 

Does this sound toxic? Is it my fault? Sorry for the long text and thank you in advance.

[Edmund Exley]

Its not toxic, its just ran its course. You guys just haven't dealt with that yet.

[Doc Blaze]

"she told me that the things I do are not the things she is seeking for in her age etc etc... "

 

 

 

listen to this, its pretty clear. I don't think you are at fault, I just think that you both are at different points in your life. At first it was fun and exciting but now its getting into the relationship itself part where you start to look for more than just sex, and fun.

[moodindigo91]

It sounds like a it was a fling to be honest. Maybe she hasn't lost interest perse but maybe her interest is not in a committed relationship, but instead in a FWB type of arrangement. It just sounds like you guys didn't really discuss these things, or what your future might look like. You are in very different points in your life, it's hard to say that she was willingly and exclusively committed to you in the first place, like did you agree to be mutually exclusive?

[lucidious]

She just isn't that into you anymore. You're the only one trying and she keeps canceling. Maybe her feelings are there but it's not as strong as before. Sometimes feelings fade and you can't help it. If she doesn't make you happy anymore then she's not the one.

[tgpp]

It sounds like a it was a fling to be honest. Maybe she hasn't lost interest perse but maybe her interest is not in a committed relationship, but instead in a FWB type of arrangement. It just sounds like you guys didn't really discuss these things, or what your future might look like. You are in very different points in your life, it's hard to say that she was willingly and exclusively committed to you in the first place, like did you agree to be mutually exclusive?

 

Yes, she wanted a commited relationship from the beginning. And as the times passes she asks me for more things to do. Yes, we are at different levels and I've told her that if she seeks for "more adult things" I will understand and let her go, but she says that she wants me and wants to try for that.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds you were her boy-toy for a while, then she lost interest except for occasional hookups.

 

She doesn't want a relationship, so it may be best to go no contact and move on and date many of the other fine women your own age.

I'm 26 years old in a relationship with a 38 year old woman. she told me that the things I do are not the things she is seeking for in her age etc etc...

 

]

[moodindigo91]

Yes, she wanted a committed relationship from the beginning. And as the times passes she asks me for more things to do. Yes, we are at different levels and I've told her that if she seeks for "more adult things" I will understand and let her go, but she says that she wants me and wants to try for that.

 

Bummer, it sounds like her interest is fizzling out then. It sucks when people tell you one thing but then act another way altogether. She's giving you mixed signals and there's literally no way for you to tell what she actually wants. Sounds like too much drama for you. Given the fact that you are knowingly in different places in your lives and probably want different things, the fact that you are both very busy, and that it seems her interest has waned, it might be best for you to call it quits. It's unnecessary drama in your life. If she isn't going to be straightforward and tell you she's not interested in the way you are or put in the effort if she is interested, then it is pointless for you to continue running circles around her waiting for her to validate you.

[tgpp]

Bummer, it sounds like her interest is fizzling out then. It sucks when people tell you one thing but then act another way altogether. She's giving you mixed signals and there's literally no way for you to tell what she actually wants. Sounds like too much drama for you. Given the fact that you are knowingly in different places in your lives and probably want different things, the fact that you are both very busy, and that it seems her interest has waned, it might be best for you to call it quits. It's unnecessary drama in your life. If she isn't going to be straightforward and tell you she's not interested in the way you are or put in the effort if she is interested, then it is pointless for you to continue running circles around her waiting for her to validate you.

 

But she says the opposite. When we are together, it's magical.

[Ms Darcy]

Look at her actions now. She's avoiding you and distancing. Accept the reality.

[moodindigo91]

But she says the opposite. When we are together, it's magical.

 

I can just literally repeat that comment because it doesn't seem like you understood it. She's saying something different than what she's doing, leaving you to run circles around her waiting and practically begging for attention and validation. She's not interested anymore, move on.

[Edmund Exley]

But she says the opposite. When we are together, it's magical.

 

Thats called keeping you hooked. For her own amusement.

[Gary Snyder]

Yeah, she's just not into you now, sorry. Talk is cheap but actions scream. Why not try dating someone closer to your age?

[tiredcupcake]

Hello all. I'm 26 years old in a relationship with a 38 year old woman. It started out of a sudden. At first we were talking much on facebook, then we started going out, then we had sex and then a relationship, within the first month.

 

The first 4 months were magical, I had all her attention, we were spending time together, talking much etc. Age gap equals different economics. I am a PhD candidate, I have no job and I cannot go out much. I explained that to her and she accepted. At least, at first.

 

Summer came and she spent in touring on vacations, she was contacting me little (once a day or something). Summer brought many problems, we were meeting every ten days or something. Then September came, and I was hoping that everything could be back to normal.

 

But now she is distant. We haven't met for 2 weeks, haven't had sex for a month and all we argue constantly. In our last argument (we got no contact for a whole week) she told me that the things I do are not the things she is seeking for in her age etc etc... Then no sex, as I mentioned, followed.

 

I asked her if she has lost interest and she told me "definitely no", and she told me that she keeps wanting me. .I complained to her about not seing each other, not calling, her not answering etc and she told me that all these are lies. Then she told me that my character is bad, but she still wants to be with me.

 

The thing is that I feel very insecure. And each time we arrange going out and she agrees, at first I am really happy and thing that everything is gonna be ok, but then she cancels and I feel the same pessimism.

 

Does this sound toxic? Is it my fault? Sorry for the long text and thank you in advance.

 

I think there are many other details you havent told us to help you. But yes, she has lost interest. Of course, your insecurity is very justified. I dont think the age gap has anything to do with it. I am sorry.