Justagirl90 Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 I need some advice on what to do, my partner and father to my 3 children walked out on us weds, and broke it off because it wasn't workin, what I can't understand is how someone can just up and leave his girlfriend and kids with no explanation, I'm absolutely devastated, & begged him not to leave because he's gonna regret it, no matter what I said it didn't change his mind, he's 30 and has now moved back in with his mum, he text me today and said it's hard on him, he misses the kids and doesn't feel at home, he doesn't know how to feel or what to do? Is he regretting what he's done? Or? I'm confused also, how do you get over a breakup when kids are involved? Seeing him will only make things worse but at the same time I can't and won't stop him seeing the kids Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 Welcome to ENA. I'm really sorry. First off, I think you should contact a lawyer who can guide you in arranging a visitation/custody agreement and child support payments. He can walk out on you, but he can't walk out on his kids. Link to comment
Confusedabtluv Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 I got divorced at 30 it has been 3 years now. It still isn't easy. My exhusband is remarried and seemingly happy. I am in a new relationship that is I don't know is working but not great at the moment. It's hard honestly you will have lots of back and forth. You will have lots of moments where you question if you're making the right decision for yourself, for your children. There will be several times that you miss him and lay in bed alone and think even if he isn't the right one it would be so much easier to have him there with you holding you rather then to lay there and cry by yourself. There is a reason he left though whether there's somebody else involved not saying that he is cheating but maybe he has developed feelings for someone else and wants to leave before he does something he may regret or maybe he feels like there are issues that has made him feel like he has no choice but to leave. I don't know what he is thinking but know that there's a reason. No one wants to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with them 100% I am there right now and it is confusing and hurting and I hate that I am in a situation to where I am unsure if I should leave or stay so him leaving he slightly did you a favor by being the one to leave but it doesn't mean that you can't work on things and figure out what you need to do to make your relationship work. Link to comment
j.man Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 There aren't enough details on here to provide you much insight other than to get legal arrangements made. Generally speaking, instances of partners walking out on their families don't just fall out of the sky. For the sake of the children you two share, I'd do some honest and hard reflection on your relationship and reach out to him as well with the suggestion of couples / marital counseling. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 Sorry to hear this. What reason did he give you, was there too much fighting? Clearly you must still communicate, particularly about the kids. Did he move out or just staying at his mother's wanting a "break"? my partner and father to my 3 children walked out on us weds, and broke it off because it wasn't workin and has now moved back in with his mum Link to comment
Justagirl90 Posted October 2, 2016 Author Share Posted October 2, 2016 Gen isn't give me a reason just that it wasn't working, it started going downhill when I started work 4 months ago, he said a week ago that he'd work really hard on our relationship more because he stopped making the effort, he told me he decided to break it off in one day, I asked if there is anyone else and he said no there wasn't, he's at his mums for the weekend, he is coming over tomorrow after work to see the kids, I told him to go to his mums because I can't have him here because it isn't fair, he still wanted to live here till he sorted himself out, he told my 6 year old daughter that he'd move and they can all stay before even telling me Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 If I were a mom, I would always be worried about having kids with a man who is not my husband. I would be worried it would be easier to walk away, such as in this situation. Was there ever any thought about a permanent commitment before the kids came along. Link to comment
trickykid Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 You say, you wont stop him from seeing the kids, thats a good start. Is he going to see the kids, as normal, like I dont mean everyday like he used too but is he going to see them regular enough, like every other day. If the two of you can keep that amicable and work with that, there is no need to involve lawyers / courts etc. If he isnt going to see them regular and help out, then get in touch with a lawyer, not every break up involving kids, needs to be settled legally. Next, its important you both dont descend into bitterness and play the kids off each other between you too. As hard as it is for you two to break up, there are 3 kids who this has affected even harder, so its important not to solve issues and argue in front of them. Maybe he does regret it, who wants to go live with their parents? Maybe he will regret it in the future, maybe when he discovers it isnt a bed of roses in his parents, maybe when he has to find a place of his own, extra bills and child support kicks in, he will soon regret the handy life he walked away from. When he realises the kids wont be there when he wakes up in the morning, that is going to be a killer But without much info about the background story, its hard to gain an understanding of where his head is at. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 If I were a mom, I would always be worried about having kids with a man who is not my husband. I would be worried it would be easier to walk away, such as in this situation. Was there ever any thought about a permanent commitment before the kids came along. well, that ship has sailed here. Besides, husbands (and wives) can break up anyway. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 You say "he broke it off because it wasn't working" What does that mean? How was your interaction with one another. Him saying that sounds like you two fought a lot and he's at the stage of the straw that broke the camels back. So: What was the relationship like in general. If we know that, maybe we can advise more then to just get legal arrangements sorted. Have you asked him if he's willing to get counselling together to help you make it work? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 well, that ship has sailed here. Besides, husbands (and wives) can break up anyway. I don't think there's any need to invalidate the question. It would provide more insight, at least to me, on how they both viewed the relationship and it's future. Link to comment
Leona700 Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 I'm sorry you're going through this no one deserves to feel abandoned..it sounds like he needs some space to clear his head.. Give it to him..I think people in general struggle being married and sharing their space all the time with someone else. can't Link to comment
faraday Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 If I were a mom, I would always be worried about having kids with a man who is not my husband. I would be worried it would be easier to walk away, such as in this situation. Was there ever any thought about a permanent commitment before the kids came along. This sounds kinda judgy. It's too late at is point....they're not talking about having their first kid...they already have three. And it's hard to have three children without consent of both people involved. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 This sounds kinda judgy. It's too late at is point....they're not talking about having their first kid...they already have three. And it's hard to have three children without consent of both people involved. I think there's a difference between stating how I personally would feel and what they should or should not have done. Most importantly, I think the question of whether there was a permanent commitment is important. Whether that's marriage or a common law agreement or whatnot. How does he view the relationship? Did he also view her as a partner? Sadly, I do know people who have multiple children with someone without really being on the same page about the level of commitment their relationship. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 So you asked him to leave the home, he doesn't want to, he wants to be there with the kids?! That doesn't sound like a guy who is packing up and leaving his kids. He's just not happy in your relationship. He wants to break up but co parent the kids. Are you common law? Link to comment
Justagirl90 Posted October 3, 2016 Author Share Posted October 3, 2016 We were absolutely fine together, we didn't argue. It had disagreements, we stopped communicating towards the end, he'd come home from work after a bad day and be in a bad mood with me so I stayed out of his way, I would ask him if he's ok and he's say no I'm not ok and that was it, he told me before we got together he didn't want to get married because of his parents having a messy divorce, he knew one day I want to, he said on our last serious talk a week before we broke up that if we worked out at our relationship if things went well we'd see where it went, so tbh I don't know what went wrong, we were absolutely fine after our talk and we made it work, enough intimate stopped about a month ago, a week later he ended things, even tho he said he'd make more of an effort, and trust me I made more effort than him x Link to comment
Clarisse Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Despite his denials to the contrary, my guess is that he has met someone else. It may be clearer in the coming weeks. I sincerely hope that's not the case. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hold your little ones close and protect yourself legally and emotionally. Link to comment
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