Going to divorce and an introvert kid

[adriana24]

My kid is almost 10 years old. He is very good in school, loves math and science and pretty high IQ (144) but very sensitive. He cries a lot, especially when he thinks someone mad at him. He is a very introvert as well, he never told us whenever he had a bad day in school even though we smartly asked him. The maximum answer he gave was, "sorry, I really forgot about what happened!". We get all the stories about him from his teacher or other parents. We are working about this issue. Luckily he has many friends, funny, and a very happy kid.

 

The problem is, we are going to divorce soon. I've already told him about it and his reaction was beyond my expectations. I told him that I and his father won't be live together again. He calmly say, "Okay. I'll live with you". Then I asked him, "Do you understand it means your mom and dad will not marry each other again?". He said calm, "Yeah, I completely understand."

 

I thought he will be shock and need time to calm him down. I and my husband never fight even a bit and we talked about it very carefully to make sure he wouldn't overhear it, so I thought that our divorcement will be out of the blue for him. But his reaction just for that. This makes me worry wether he is not quite understand about the divorcement concept or he just covers his feelings up or what? What supposed i do for him?

[Clarisse]

If he is as smart as you say, and sensitive to boot, he very well may have anticipated the divorce. Even though you don't argue (my ex and I rarely argued either), children pick up on subtle cues like tension or unhappiness/depression. That said, he may have more of a reaction later on when you separate and reality sets in. Or, he may flourish after divorce. My kids did. You just never know.

 

Have you considered counseling for your son? My oldest had pretty severe anxiety when he was younger and therapy did wonders for him. He is now a well-adjusted 17-year old getting ready to head off to college. I cannot recommend counseling strongly enough. It will help your son with the difficulties he has expressing himself. You don't want that to continue into the teen years.

 

Take care of yourself and your little guy. Divorce is hard even under the best of circumstances.

[Jeffbobo]

Hello Adriana.

 

With divorce, I really don't think it matters whether kids are introverted or extroverted. I was divorced five years ago and have four kids, who at the time were 17, 11, 11 and 9. My oldest had the hardest time with the divorce and my younger kids handled it far better and they all fall at various places on the introvert/extrovert spectrum.

 

I think by far, the most important thing moving forward with your soon to be ex husband is to do everything the two of you can to provide your child with a safe and stable environment and home life. Get your child into a consistent daily routine so that he knows who he will be staying with day to day. He needs to know that he can depend on you both. He also needs to know that the divorce has nothing to do with him snd that mom and dad both love and will always be there for him.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you are expecting too many adult-like and complex emotions from him. Keep it simple. His answers are great and consistent with a 10 y/o why keep pushing it?

 

Try not to inflict your adult concerns and feelings on him or expect adult results and conversations in return..

 

Go to counselling for yourself to learn to cope with the divorce and your upcoming single parenthood. It may help you learn what is typical for a 10 y/o boy.Emotionally.

I've already told him about it and his reaction was beyond my expectations. I told him that I and his father won't be live together again. He calmly say, "Okay. I'll live with you". Then I asked him, "Do you understand it means your mom and dad will not marry each other again?". He said calm, "Yeah, I completely understand."

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[adriana24]

Thank you for all the inputs. I want to go to counselling both for me or my kid but I can't afford it for now. My husband won't share the bills anymore and i have to pay my kid's expensive education (there's no other way, it is the only school which has special class for my kid and he really enjoy it). I can handle it but yeah, money is tight now. But we will be fine. I've discussed with my kid about the money and showed him my calculation so he understands when i told him that he should quit some of his courses (piano, karate, English), he checked the number and said cheerfully, "easy mom, you can remarried dad later!" I know he was joking. Maybe he is really alright. I hope.

[qwaspolk82]

My kid is almost 10 years old. He is very good in school, loves math and science and pretty high IQ (144) but very sensitive. He cries a lot, especially when he thinks someone mad at him. He is a very introvert as well, he never told us whenever he had a bad day in school even though we smartly asked him. The maximum answer he gave was, "sorry, I really forgot about what happened!". We get all the stories about him from his teacher or other parents. We are working about this issue. Luckily he has many friends, funny, and a very happy kid.

 

The problem is, we are going to divorce soon. I've already told him about it and his reaction was beyond my expectations. I told him that I and his father won't be live together again. He calmly say, "Okay. I'll live with you". Then I asked him, "Do you understand it means your mom and dad will not marry each other again?". He said calm, "Yeah, I completely understand."

 

I thought he will be shock and need time to calm him down. I and my husband never fight even a bit and we talked about it very carefully to make sure he wouldn't overhear it, so I thought that our divorcement will be out of the blue for him. But his reaction just for that. This makes me worry wether he is not quite understand about the divorcement concept or he just covers his feelings up or what? What supposed i do for him?

 

He probably knew it was going to happen before you did. Kids are pretty intuitive especially with tension between parents. We had hoped our parents would divorce a lot sooner than they did. But the issues were much more obvious than others probably.

 

There's nothing wrong with him being an introvert. I'm not even sure what that has to do with the divorce.