I've seriously been considering suicide.

[SugarFreeFL]

I'm diabetic, I have clinical depression, I'm physcotic and obsessive, and am completely unmotivated

 

I can't stand living with Diabetes, I stopped wanting to take care of it to the point of letting my blood sugar go high hoping that one day it will kill me. It's a pain and it doesn't help that ik depressed and am completely unmotivated to want to work on it.

 

My gf just broke up with me a month and a half ago. I purposely run into her at places, I take sleeping pills so I can dream about her because Id rather a fake life with her than a real one without her. I leave flowers at her doorstep. I talk to myself at night and picture her beautiful voice in my head. I can't think of any other girl and when i look at them all i do is compare them to her. I lived with her for only 4 months and everytime I woke up she was there, one day I woke up and she told me she didn't love me anymore then the next day went out with her friends, got high and drunk and she's only 18 .now I wake up and she's not and I cry. And punch walls and have panic attack's and screaming for her to come back to me while im in my room alone.

 

I hate going to ing work. I hate dealing with people and getting told the same ing thing every day and listening to people's bull while I'm going through a lot. And getting paid crap to do crap and can't afford half my fUcing medical expenses with diabetes

 

I grew up with just my mom, no father, and I get really obsessive over people because I don't want to be alone like my mom. It started to make me have an obsessive personalty like OCD issues, other people, and just personal possessions.

 

I was brought to a mental hospital that made me worse and I don't trust therapist because I know they'll send me back and I refuse to talk to anybody about it. I keep to myself, I don't even speak to my family about it because they think I'm crazy.

 

Im losing my hair due to stress, I'm only 19 and most of my hair is gone, it started when I was 15 and I got bullied about it everyday and would break down when I was at school because I felt so different and ugly compared to everyone.

 

I have really bad anxiety and anger problems have random outbursts and say things that I don't mean. But at the same time I'm overly caring and loving and get jealous especially with my ex. I didn't like her going out without me, or talking to ANY other guys without me knowing what it was about. And I liked to keep her just to me because I have self hatred and thought she'd leave me which she did because im ing crazy and can't help it.

 

I want to end my life. I've been like this even b4 I met her, she just makes it worse. I can't go back to a mental hospital. I hate who I am. And ik people have it WAY worse than me. I'm just very weak and emotional and as family member tells me I'm just a pu$$y that can't handle it and that I need to man up.

[gebaird]

I'm just very weak and emotional and as family member tells me I'm just a pu$$y that can't handle it and that I need to man up.

 

Oh wow, with that kind of "family support" it's no wonder you've got issues.

 

Please don't end your life. It's risky (some people fail and end up disabled), and there are better ways to escape your pain. You can heal from it. I've never met a single person in my life who is a lost cause. You probably think you are, but it's not true. There's a path for you.

 

It's only been 6 weeks since your GF broke up with you. That's not enough time to even begin to process your grief. I realize there are a host of issues in addition to that one, but that seems to be what pushed you over the edge.

 

The fact that you took the time to write this post tells me you don't want to die. You want help and healing. You want connection. You want to be heard.

 

You're emotionally saturated, and if you can change something small it will give you breathing room to start facing the problems in your life. I don't know what that small change is for you, but it could be something like walking, writing in a journal, drawing, meditation, reading a self-help book, doing a random act of kindness, spending more time outdoors. Obviously those things aren't going to give you an instant turnaround, but if you're not happy with who you are then starting the process of change is a logical next step.

[Wiseman2]

Talk to your mother or friends or therapist or doctors or anyone you can really trust about all this.

I'm diabetic, I have clinical depression, I'm physcotic and obsessive, and am completely unmotivated, I'm only 19. I have really bad anxiety and anger problems have random outbursts and say things that I don't mean.

...is it related to this?