Mixed signals, very confusing

[little01]

We broke up almost 3 months ago, been together over 7 years. We kind of drifted apart the last 6 months, took each other for granted and also the fact that he is not the settling down kind, his longest relationships average 2 years before it ends for whatever reason. So that says something about me, right? He's older than me, early 40s, i'm early 30s. So we got together when I was very young and I'm also financially independent. I'm not sure who's the dumper here, he was being distant so I brought up the topic and he said he's been unhappy for a long time and thinking of breaking up and wants to enjoy life (GIGS). It was all still a blur to me. He said he might have mid life crisis and laughed about it too He has been spending a lot of time on his hobby which he loves and I think meeting people from there sort of influenced his decision - single girls, stories of hook ups, parties, 'fun' people, having fun all the time, etc.

 

I moved out from our home, not too far from ours, it hurts SO BAD. First 2 months I was a wreck, first few weeks I did the begging, crying, calling, etc. For the past few weeks I tried to get myself together and keep it calm and have limited contact. I tried to hang out more with friends, exercise, travel, keep myself busy but I still think of him. There are a few breakthrough actions from him that are out of character, which shows him missing me and him reaching out - asking for advice, following my advice asking for help/favours for something that he can do himself (excuse to see me more?), hanging out on weekends doing our usual thing, telling his parents to contact me for something, sending me funny links (when i was away for holidays)... It is all very confusing.

 

I'm not sure if he's got a good support system, but I've always been his person, and he's mine. We were each other's best friends for 7 years. I still love him dearly of course, I'm sure he does too. He's a bit of a narcissistic so I'm not sure if he'll ever admit to a reconciliation. Line of communication is open, he knows how I feel and we are not seeing anyone as far as i know.

[gebaird]

... his longest relationships average 2 years before it ends for whatever reason. So that says something about me, right?

 

Definitely.

 

I think you're confused because you're in the friend zone and it's unlikely to lead back to a committed relationship. You have a choice to make -- stay confused or walk away. The fact that he's doing some of the same things he would be doing if you were in a romantic relationship doesn't mean you are in one. You got 5 more years than any other woman, which I think is a huge success. But if you're looking for more -- a lifetime commitment, for example -- you aren't going to get it from him. And as long as he's still hanging around, he's keeping you from healing and finding someone else.