Not sure what to do or how I feel about this girl...

[michaelmonkion]

I'm talking to this girl (again). We were first talking from March to May, and in the first month I was on cloud 9. She was all I could ever ask for, and I really was never happier. However, the second month turned to very abrupt ambivalence. I was having conflicting feelings about her and questioning if I wanted her after all. The thoughts became so powerful and overwhelming that I couldn't take it anymore. I eventually called it off, and while I felt satisfied in that I didn't have to worry about making a decision anymore, I also felt severely disappointed in my inability to remain confident about this girl.

 

A couple months pass, and I start thinking about her again. I saw a couple of pictures of her on social media and I thought to myself "Why the hell did I ever leave her? What was I thinking?" and I felt the urge to talk to her again. So, I started messaging her again, and she seemed pretty content about it. For a couple weeks we were getting along pretty well and things were looking good. But, to my dismay, it happened again! I started having conflicting feelings and I was unsure if I wanted to go any further with her. I feel very attracted to her, but at the same time I get this nagging feeling that pulls me the other way. I brought this up to her last time, but this time we tried going into a bit more depth to figure out the root of the problem.

 

For one, she lives on the opposite side of our country. She's 6 years younger than me (18 and 24) and about to enter college, while I have been out for about a year. Basically, we're in different life stages, and that can cause conflict on several levels. I have been in a rut over what to do as a career, and have been working part time at a job that was doing more harm than good when I was doing it full time. Meanwhile, she wants to go to college in a state even farther from where I am now, and I don't believe there would be many opportunities for me there. Overall, there are many things against us, so we came to the conclusion that we can't go any further until we actually meet. It wouldn't make the problems go away, but it would give us a better sense of this being worth it or not.

 

So now, the only way for us to meet is for me to fly out to her, get a hotel, and spend a few days there. Her mom doesn't want me staying in their house, which is understandable for many reasons. I have the money, but it would be a considerable amount to spend. More importantly though, I'm just afraid this nagging feeling will follow through and be clearer than ever when I go to see her. She says if we don't work out she's not going to be upset and she'll be fine with the outcome, but it might be harder for her to say that after actually spending time with me. I'm extremely afraid of hurting her. I hear a lot about intuition and the gut feeling and how you should always listen to it, and I'm afraid this is an instance of that. However, I do also have positive feelings about her, so maybe it's just a matter of needing to see her. The feelings are on and off, alternating between positive and negative. Maybe seeing her will make me feel better. I don't know, but I need to make a decision. I don't know what I'm feeling, and if I should just take a risk and get my answer by seeing her. What are your thoughts on this? Any help is appreciated.

[limichelle]

I think why waste each other's time if you feel strongly in your gut it won't work out. Having a lot of negative intuition is a clear sign of being incompatible. Follow your gut and strongly listen to it. This isn't a matter of cold feet since this has been going on for awhile.

 

 

Lisa