Got Great Walled

[graceedee]

I've been great walled. We've been a habit to each other for months. He's basically filled gaps in my day. And I was happy. Two weeks ago, he told me he needed a break from me. This caused a lot of exchanges between us, mostly me asking why. Every reason he gave out for some odd reason just didn't feel enough. Until a week ago when he told me he was afraid of getting into something he can't get out of. I stopped asking for a while at that point, but my gut just says it wasn't enough. I pressed on with my questions to the point that he told me I was starting to annoy him. So I told him, I'll stop and that I will just try to make peace that we won't work. Then last night, he messaged me that he really liked me and all. But he can't overlook our differences because I wasn't Chinese.

 

At the back of my head I kind of knew that was the reason. I was dreading it and was hoping it wasn't the case. And when he finally said it, it just hurts. It hurts so much. I thought that once he admits it, I can finally hate him enough to stop talking to him so I can move on. But I don't. I don't hate him. It just hurts so bad. We were good friends and I really didn't want to waste that friendship. But when I'm left to my own devices, I still keep thinking how good things were and it just hurts so much that it all ended because I wasn't Chinese.

 

I don't know what to do. This is honestly one where I can't think of a way to move on.

[jujusamples]

Good grief! Are you serious? I have never heard of anything like it!

 

The ironic thing is, I'm not Chinese but I'm married to a Chinese man. My brother also married a Chinese woman. Funny because both my husband and sister in law are different types of Chinese and they are both very into their culture. It works out just fine for both my brother and I and we are both not Chinese.

 

I'm confused on and is actually curious to know what your boyfriend reasoning is behind that? Makes no sense to me.

 

I know it's hard to think this right now, but good riddance! Did he not know you weren't Chinese when he first started dating you? He just figured that out now? Please elaborate, very curious.

[graceedee]

I know it's hard to think this right now, but good riddance! Did he not know you weren't Chinese when he first started dating you? He just figured that out now? Please elaborate, very curious.

 

He knows I'm not Chinese. When I asked him before if it mattered to him, he says it doesn't. That he was looking into personality and all. I even asked if his family was even okay with him dating a non-Chinese, and he says he doesn't care.

[jujusamples]

He knows I'm not Chinese. When I asked him before if it mattered to him, he says it doesn't. That he was looking into personality and all. I even asked if his family was even okay with him dating a non-Chinese, and he says he doesn't care.

 

So why the sudden change? If you are compatible and everything is going good than your race shouldn't matter. My brother can't even communicate with his in laws because they don't speak English but their marriage is still working out. Hence, my sister in law is very family oriented, as in she comes home to see her family very often.

 

Seems to me like your boyfriend is just making up an excuse and is just coming up with anything. Not sure why he's doing it but you deserve better. You need someone whom would accept you for who you are.

 

Just considered it as you dodged a bullet.

[Rising100]

What the hell is wrong with him?

Why is being chinese such a big deal?

Are you sure he didnt make that up to cover the real reason?

[James516]

You wrote "Every reason he gave out for some odd reason just didn't feel enough". Any reason given is enough to know he is done with things, whether you want to accept that or not.

 

As dificult as it sounds to you now, the way to move on is to stop contact with him. Otherwise you're going to keep thinking you can change this situation or drive yourself crazy trying to think of his motivations which is a waste of time that will only make you feel worse for a longer time, yet the outcome of this being over will stay the same.

[Wiseman2]

Where you just friends hoping it could turn into more or were you dating? Do you think he led you on?

 

He may come from a strict family tradition about dating within his own culture. Perhaps his parents are arranging a marriage or pressuring him to date women they approve of.

 

Go no contact and block. Unless you can accept being just friends.

he really liked me and all. But he can't overlook our differences because I wasn't Chinese. We were good friends and I really didn't want to waste that friendship.

[ParisPaulette]

it just hurts so much that it all ended because I wasn't Chinese.

 

You need to wake up and realize that right there is a major red flag, because it shows he's not interested in you (or anyone) as a human being. He's interested in the fantasy in his head only, so while he could go through the motions and pretend interest it really wasn't for your benefit, only his own weird twisted reality.

 

Please block and delete this guy and find better, no scratch that, find REAL friends. Not people who have a script in their head and then get weird when someone doesn't match it. That way lies madness, and not your madness, although people like that will hurt your insanity.

 

Consider this a gigantic screaming red flag and don't look back.

[Brokenheart99]

Sadly I've seen this happen so often. Start talking dating etc because you kinda like each other but you know it can't go anywhere because of whatever reasons(i.e. Culture, age, distance, pick a reason). But you continue to see them because you like them and maybe you're just bored or something. As feelings grew, he realized this couldn't go anywhere and it got too serious and he backed out. Honestly consider yourself lucky that you weren't in deeper. It woulda have been much harder and heartbreaking to say bye to someone you loved and spent years with. At least he ended it early. Whatever silly reason he gave you, it's important enough for him to not budge over. I would leave it and try moving on. I'm really sorry you had to go through this.