Mftw3 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Me and my ex had been dating for a year and a couple months. We had a great relationship, sex was amazing, we were very close. She was the first to proclaim she loved me. I met her family and hung out with them several times and got close to her friends as well. She hadn't been with her ex for about 1.5-2 years. There were a couple times he tries to contact her via letters and flowers. She reassured me several times they were not in contact. Claimed his number was blocked. Towards the end when we were having issues. Fighting, but didn't seem no more then normal. I was struggling with insecurities, sometimes I would get slightly jealous. Out of what seemed like nowhere she broke up with me. She said she didn't like that i had those issues and wanted to give me time to "soul search". She said she had to choose between me and him, said that he came back into the picture. He offered to fly her to the state he lives in. she was considering going to see him in the other state he lives in. Post break up she said she needs time to focus on herself and work, so I went NC. Recently through the grape vine I have heard that he came back and they're seeing each other again about a month and a half after we had broken up. Advice? Link to comment
OldRomantic83 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 "time to work on herself..." - don't get me started, soooo overused it's almost cliché. Sounds like her feelings for this guy never truly went away, and putting it crudely... you were maybe just a stop gap. Link to comment
shiner501 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 "time to work on herself..." - don't get me started, soooo overused it's almost cliché. Sounds like her feelings for this guy never truly went away, and putting it crudely... you were maybe just a stop gap. I agree. Sorry Mtfw3 I know it hurts but that's what i think too. Same happened to me and it sucks. Try to think that you got some good times out of it and you are older and wiser. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Sorry this has happened, OP. How long had they been broken up when you two got together? The truth is that she wasn't over him. If her feelings were well and truly gone, him coming around again would have had zero effect on your relationship. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Unfortunately it sounds like that relationship never really ended. Continue no contact and block her. Sadly she was never in with both feet so your "insecurities" may have been an instinct that something wasn't right.. he tries to contact her via letters and flowers. She said she had to choose between me and him, said that he came back into the picture. He offered to fly her to the state he lives in. Link to comment
Mftw3 Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 Sorry this has happened, OP. How long had they been broken up when you two got together? The truth is that she wasn't over him. If her feelings were well and truly gone, him coming around again would have had zero effect on your relationship. Pretty sure it was atleast 2 or 3 years. I tried not to bring him up. Possible rebound? Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Me and my ex had been dating for a year and a couple months. We had a great relationship, sex was amazing, we were very close. She was the first to proclaim she loved me. I met her family and hung out with them several times and got close to her friends as well. She hadn't been with her ex for about 1.5-2 years. There were a couple times he tries to contact her via letters and flowers. She reassured me several times they were not in contact. Claimed his number was blocked. Towards the end when we were having issues. Fighting, but didn't seem no more then normal. I was struggling with insecurities, sometimes I would get slightly jealous. Out of what seemed like nowhere she broke up with me. She said she didn't like that i had those issues and wanted to give me time to "soul search". She said she had to choose between me and him, said that he came back into the picture. He offered to fly her to the state he lives in. she was considering going to see him in the other state he lives in. Post break up she said she needs time to focus on herself and work, so I went NC. Recently through the grape vine I have heard that he came back and they're seeing each other again about a month and a half after we had broken up. Advice? OUCH! So sorry you're going through this; as others have said, your intuition was spot on, and she'd never actually got over him in the first place. If it's any consolation, the issues that caused them to break up in the first place have probably never gone away either. All you can do is grieve the relationship, let go, block on social media and go NC. Live as well as you can, and move on. (((HUGS))) Link to comment
moodindigo91 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Man, I'm sorry you got yourself tied up with someone who wasn't over their ex. That's gotta hurt. My advice would be to remain no contact and forget about her. She was clearly never over her ex to begin with. Honestly, at the first sign of my partner's ex trying to contact them and with flowers and letters, I would have left, because at that point it's clear that either one is not over the other or neither are over each other and it's way too much drama to get yourself involved in. Though I'm sure you were blinded by love at the time, and trusted when she said she was not in contact with him. Either way, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on walking forward (while she reverts backward to her ex). Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Yes the possible rebound was you not him. She rebounded with you and bounced back to the ex...unfortunately happens all the time Link to comment
No1 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 That sucks!! There is no reason to go back and figure out where things went wrong or if there was anything you could of done to change the outcome. You just have to accept that she was perhaps not the most truthful person in the world and it is now over. Honestly this is the best thing to happen to you. This girl was not ever 100% yours. She always had her eye out for her X. Granted the relationship was good, but there was a little bit of her that wanted the X back. Problem is that there wasnt a good enough reason to end it with you. No justification. She would of felt bad breaking up with you just to go back with her X. The guilt wouldnt of lasted long but still, it would of been there. Then she picked fights, arguments and started setting up the break up until one day you probably slurped your drink or farted or something dumb and thought this is the opening I need and broke up with you and listed reasons why. All she was doing is justifying her reason to go back to the X. When I said this is the best thing to happen to you, I mean it. Let her go..There was a reason they broke up years ago and eventually they will break up again and she will probably come back to the one solid rock she has known.. You. Dont let her back into your life. You are far better off without her. In all honesty, you had fun, great sex, you had great times and wonderful memories and those are things that help you become who you are today. You learned a few things about yourself and about love.. Just dont let the bad things drag you down. Cry if you want to, mourn if you must but know that this is a good thing and now your heart has room for someone better. Believe in that. Youll be okay Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Agree.Yes the possible rebound was you not him. She rebounded with you and bounced back to the ex...unfortunately happens all the time ] Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Agree. ] Honestly! Where do you find these??? Link to comment
Almira23 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 My ex dumped me after he was on a vacation to his home country. He left me 3 weeks into his trip and 2 weeks later he was engaged to some lady that he had known since he was 15. At least you weren't dumped for someone who lives on a completely different continent who the ex has low contact with I know it sucks right now since the break up is so new, but give it a couple of more months. Trust me, it gets better. Link to comment
Whisperboy218 Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 This is a good thread with helpful advice. Thank you everyone My girlfriend of 13months just broke up with me last night. Very similar story as what you have shared OP. About a month ago an old boyfriend started texting her and calling her. She said it was just harmless, nothing more. But from that point on I noticed that she started emotionally drifting away and being a lot less open with me. This last week she was starting to squabble with me over such little things and turning them into dramas. From holding her wine glass wrongly when pouring her a drink to me parking incorrectly in the garage. It was very frustrating. Last night, she was texting her Ex again and I asked if we could have a discussion. I turned the TV off and started to share my concerns and see if we could work through them. Within 30sec she was interrupting me and saying that we should break up. That she no longer had feeling for me and found me boring, whereas she realise she still had feeling for this other guy. While it felt very sudden, she had probably been thinking about it for a while. This morning she has just packed the majority of her stuff and has move out. Feeling quite low, but part of me knows she wasn't being honest about this Ex texting her and she still had feeling for him, which meant she was 100% into me. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Whisper, yes u can see when they start the detaching...they start getting annoyed with your presence and there's almost a palpable contempt. It's better that she ended it quickly and moved out instead of playing both of you. My ex wife did the same with the texting and Facebook I just didn't put 2 and 2 together and when she finally dumped me she said she had thought about it for a couple years, which explained a lot. Link to comment
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