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Complicated Situation, finally got my head straight


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Hi everyone,


I have a bit of a complicated situation. I had been broken up with by a boyfriend last summer, but I was trying to get him back and seeing him almost every day. I met another guy during this time and started to see him very casually. Deep down, I knew I wasn't truly interested in him and was leading him on.


I met one of the new guys very close friends. He started to pursue me as well. Eventually, I was asked to make a choice between the the new guy and his friend, all the while still seeing my ex. I was conflicted but eventually said I was going to tell the friend I wasn't interested because it seemed like the right thing to do in order to maintain the respect necessary for myself to believe that I wasn't leading the first guy on. When I went to end the things with the new guys friend, I realized I liked the friend way too much. I told the friend I would end things with the new guy. I never told the friend that I was initially going to end things with him.


So there is this twelve hour period or so, where both think I am going to end things with the other person. During this time, the two men decide to talk to one another. The friend shares what happened with the new guy. When I find out the next day, I am very upset with the friend. I lie and tell the first guy that I did end things with the friend. I carry this lie on even in the face of actual evidence that the opposite happened. I even create evidence to the contrary, and both know I am lying.


They both maintain their friendship and stop talking to me. My exboyfriend does something crazy online to them to see where things were between me and them. They think I did it. I initially don't know my exboyfriend is behind this. It is at this time, I decide to take six months away from all the boys, all the drama, and just focus on myself.


It's been six months. I've done the work. I've learned that it was my ex who did the crazy thing because he admitted it to me. He hasn't nor does he intend to tell them. I haven't talked to the ex in months. I've realized I was leading the new guy on to get over my ex, but was and am truly interested in his friend. The two friends are actively avoiding/ignoring me, and I am too.


Should I let this go? Do I have a chance with the friend if I apologize or do I risk just embarrassing myself? I have done the work to get over my ex and realize that this all happened not because I am a horrible person but because of inexperience and wanting attention. I think I've grown from this, but in doing so I haven't talked to any of these men except the ex once over the last six or so months.

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