I have no one to talk too and my marriage has been failing for years...

[inthesun]

I literally have no one to talk too... i dont want to admit it to my own family and well of course i dont want to talk to anyone on his family and my closest friends are wives of my cousins or his cousins.. so too close to chat i feel... or maybe i feel they wouldnt want to know

 

i knew when we got married it was a mistake but we still did it... we have two beautiful children and tonight i asked him if he wanted to talk because the night before he went to leave for work and i said love you and he said ya ok, and then left

 

i sent him a msg and said that wasnt very nice and he said sorry i didnt want to respond to empty words...

 

so tonight i asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he said nope and so i said i love you and he said thats insulting, dont say something i know you dont mean.. im like uhh ok? he said he feels numb inside and he doesnt know if he loves me and he doesnt know if he wants to love me.

 

so i said ok then WE will leave, and he said i dont want a divorce...

 

i said ok great so you do want to work this out and he said i know it might sound bad but financially it wouldnt be good for us so we should just stay as we are and be room mates

 

so i said im sorry i cant do that, i cant be in that type of relationship and he said why thats how we are living. (not really though cuz i still do all the a wife does, cook clean, laundry, taxi the kids... he just goes to work comes home and sits on his ass) he said you only do that for the kids... i said if i did it for the kids i wouldnt make enough food to feed you too!! or i wouldnt throw ur clothes in the laundry too!

 

so now what? he went to work and now im sitting here confused and no giving a anymore but im also not employed so its not like i can just go get an apartment tomorrow and move out.

 

If there is no hope for us then i want to move on, he is so worried that he will have to pay alimony and child support and he wont be able to afford it. what can i say?

 

do i just act as room mates then? do i wait until im financially ready and can leave? do i try to repair this 13 year relationship? im so unhappy its not even funny, he doesnt want to do anything, i have to beg him to interact with his children, hes addicted to video games, he doesnt want to go away and make memories, he wont even go to the park with them.. i almost want to just go and find a better father for them, i do so much for them, take the places let them experience life and 90% of the time he doesnt involve himself... they dont deserve a father who doesnt give a , he thinks he can just show up and interact with them for a few minutes, tickle them, and then thats it? thats good enough for the day? he is beyond selfish and his i know he gets it from his parents his dad is the exact same way.

 

i know what your going to say... just get out... but it seems so much more complicated then this... i think...

 

i dont know what kind of advice im looking for.. maybe just an ear

 

im distraught over it all

[Rising100]

Why are you two having problems?

Why does he think gou dont love him?

Why is there a discussion of divorce?

What happened in the past that changed the relationship?

[Matt3939]

Marriage counseling can help but both people have to want it. I don't think just finding another guy would help at all. If it's really over you have to figure out how to be financially stable. Meaning you have to be able to take care of both your children if need be. 13 years is a long time I'd go talk to somone even by yourself first. Good luck

[melancholy123]

I'm not going to say leave him. Not yet anyway. I will say you two need marriage counselling so you can sort out whatever the problems are and hopefully reclaim your lives together. Something is bugging him and unless and until he opens up about it, nothing is going to change. If he won't go to counselling then you need to go yourself. This is no way to live, and you do seem to realize it. His lame ass excuse about being afraid to have to pay alimony etc is just that, lame.

 

Get some professional help and find out if your marriage can be saved or not. It will take work on both parts to fix it.

[Lester]

It may be a question of whether he learned bad habits from his Dad or abuse.

 

Abuse will be hard to overcome. Unchecked, I would expect it to get worse.

With bad habits, don't expect change without resolute action on your part.

 

Ps, More facts would be helpful.

[catfeeder]

Seeking legal advice is not the same thing as filing for divorce, it's obtaining information about your options. I would meet with an attorney to learn all you can about the laws in your locations, what your options are, and the steps you'd need to take for each option. From there you can make choices when you're ready, and you can do that based on practical knowledge rather than pure emotion.

 

Some couples opt for a separation to learn whether they'd be better off living without the other, and in some locations filing for a legal separation can offer you certain financial protections while offering him the option of working on your marriage with a counselor.