Am I ready to go after another girl?

[LondonLad83]

Really unsure what to do here...

 

Basically I came out of a long term, long distance relationship and had 2 years of finding no one. I then met this girl who lived in another city but it wasn't as far as my previous relationship. Things got very heated with her and we hooked up but afterwards I gave her the impression I wasn't interested in a relationship, which wasn't really true, it was just very early on (about 4 weeks after meeting her) we carried on talking a lot and getting closer but she started dating another guy within 3 weeks. She was carrying on talking to me saying she loved me and we were soul mates and well as sex talk and we were getting closer and closer and every now and then she'd act like she'd leave him but I know it will never happen.

 

So I tried to be friends because we are like best friends, invited her to a gig I was playing with my band, and she didn't turn up. But I met another girl there.

 

This other girl is attractive and friendly, she spent a lot of time talking to me, we exchanged details and before she left she gave me a big hug, saw her again later on (as it was a sort of festival in town at different venues) again we chatted, invited her to another gig she said she'd come and see if I remembered her (which i took as a good sign) we've then been talking on and off and we have a lot in common. But nearly everything I like about her is also something that the first girl has. I like her and she seems a lot less hassle than the first girl who I do have big arguments with (that blow over quite quick) but I still feel in love with the first girl.

 

I don't know if it's fair to try with this new girl but how will I know if things could work unless I give it a try? I'm worried though I will still be talking to the first girl and want to be with her and that's not fair on anyone. I've even thought about telling girl one about this because I don't want her coming back to me once I've started seeing someone. Another problem is girl 2 also lives in a different city but she said she's looking to move to London where I live.

 

I know maybe I shouldn't see anyone while I'm still in love with girl one, but it took me so long to find anyone and I blew it in just over a month, I don't want to throw away another chance. Really don't know what to do.

[FlashEng1]

feel in love with the first girl.

 

That is the truth. feel. But it's not love. Perhaps part of you knows it too.

 

Try to forget about girl 1. There's so many sayings here, I look forward to Wiseman's meme(s). Actions speak louder than words, her actions are with another man.. is that really love?!? You can copy and paste 'I Love You' a thousand times in 2 minutes, and it mean no more than the .000002kb of data the text itself was worth. Nothing. Her actions are with another man.

 

Be thankful she didn't show up... perhaps this is a chance to see where things go with girl 2... But try to forget #1 altogether first. Get to know #2 over time and see where things go; who knows, perhaps you'll find a real friend (Girl #1 isn't a 'good' friend) or more.

 

As well, you don't need to let Girl #1 know anything about #2. That's none of her business. She's not even your girlfriend. You guys aren't dating (unless her boyfriend knows about you, and is okay that y'all are getting to know each other and date and fall in love.. /s)

 

Whether you're ready or not doesn't matter when you're forming friendships and getting to know people (in my humble opinion, knowing you're a musician/in a band). There may be the initial flirting and chemistry, that can turn into something great or not; but you don't really know what happens next, especially if you can't let go of what has already happened and is over.

[LondonLad83]

That is the truth. feel. But it's not love. Perhaps part of you knows it too.

 

Try to forget about girl 1. There's so many sayings here, I look forward to Wiseman's meme(s). Actions speak louder than words, her actions are with another man.. is that really love?!? You can copy and paste 'I Love You' a thousand times in 2 minutes, and it mean no more than the .000002kb of data the text itself was worth. Nothing. Her actions are with another man.

 

Be thankful she didn't show up... perhaps this is a chance to see where things go with girl 2... But try to forget #1 altogether first. Get to know #2 over time and see where things go; who knows, perhaps you'll find a real friend (Girl #1 isn't a 'good' friend) or more.

 

As well, you don't need to let Girl #1 know anything about #2. That's none of her business. She's not even your girlfriend. You guys aren't dating (unless her boyfriend knows about you, and is okay that y'all are getting to know each other and date and fall in love.. /s)

 

Whether you're ready or not doesn't matter when you're forming friendships and getting to know people (in my humble opinion, knowing you're a musician/in a band). There may be the initial flirting and chemistry, that can turn into something great or not; but you don't really know what happens next, especially if you can't let go of what has already happened and is over.

 

 

Thank you for the advice

 

I know girl 1 is probably not in love with me, if she is then either she's in love with 2 people or there's another reason she's with him and not me... he does live a lot closer for instance. But I AM in love with her.

 

I guess you're right, I should see where things go with girl 2, I just don't want to hurt someone else. I feel like girl 1 kind of wishes she didn't get involved with this guy but she did and now none of this is good at all, I've been jealous of him but really she's been carrying on behind his back telling me she loves me and all sorts of steamy talk which I've now ended.

 

I think as long as I take things slow you're right, but I do need to forget this other girl if things go well with the second one because I can';t do what she's been doing with me and her boyfriend

[Wiseman2]

Agree with Flash. Go with the new girl. Why? Because there is too much drama with girl 1. Maybe it was intense, hot, ok whatever, when you get to know new girl better you'll look back and go..."What was I thinking?"

I like her and she seems a lot less hassle than the first girl who I do have big arguments with

 

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[LondonLad83]

Haha the how I met your mother gif made me laugh.

 

Yeah I get what you're saying. I know girl 1 is out of the question but I just don't know whether I shpuld stay single until I'm totally over her rather than make progress with someone when I still have feelings for girl 1. I don't want to hurt someone else in the process. But I guess if I take it slow there's nothing wrong with trying.