There’s hope out there for the lonely broken hearted

[purringmouse]

There’s hope out there for the lonely broken hearted. There really and truly is. Don’t give up.

 

Let me share my story. Hopeful I can help someone see that there is a light at the end of the dark, dark tunnel of a break up.

 

To start off I was 30 at the time and he was 36. So about 9 months ago my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me a week before Valentine ’s Day, by text message. After 2 (what I thought where amazing) years, that’s all that I meant to him in the end, a couple text messages stating he was unhappy and didn’t know what he wanted and wanted time to himself to sort his life out.

 

At the time I didn’t understand why. I racked my mind over and over blaming myself, blaming everything about me for find a reason to find an answer as to what had happened. I knew his reasoning was a lie so I blamed myself for what must have gone so, so wrong. I immediately deleted him from my phone and blocked him on all social media.

In the first 3 months I cried myself to sleep every night, I cried in my car on my lunch break,cried when I got up in the morning and even cried at work. I stopped eating and started drinking; I lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks. My mind went to some dark places in those 3 months I’m not going to lie. I prayed he would come back to me, I read everything I could find online about no contact rule and winning back your ex. And for the first 90 days that’s what my mind set was.

It wasn’t until one of my coworkers that was still friends with him on social media told me what he had done just days after our break up that caused me to stop and think for the first time since the breakup. She had waited till about 3 months after our break up to inform me when she didn’t see me getting any better.

 

She told me about the posting he had made on his Facebook page to a woman he was “friends” with. Thanking her for everything I had done for him over the 2 years we were together. He gave her 100% credit for every little thing I had done for him all her support and comfort and being there through thick and thin. It was learning this that I stopped feeling sorry for myself. That caused me to sit down and wright out all the good things we had together, then all the bad, and the bad list grew and grew. I soon realized that I was over looking so many things that I normal would detest. I gave up so much of who I was to make this man happy.

 

Every time we went out he ALWAYS complained about the prices, even if it was something cheap (unless I was paying) this always made me feel like I was an expensive date and ultimately in the end I started paying for more and more. I’m big on 50/50 in a relationship but in the end that became seriously lopsided because I didn’t want to risk upsetting him with the price of something.

 

 

He cooked dinner for me 2 times in 2 years, I’m big on home cooked meals, he was big on chines take out, I cooked a home cooked meal for him every Saturday night and Sunday night. It didn’t need to be anything fancy I would have settled for a roll and ramen, but he just couldn’t be bothered.

 

He never complimented me no matter what I did or put on, in fact it got to the point I got so desperate to hear him say something nice about me I tried goading him into it only to be told” if you’re so unhappy with yourself do something about it” and when I was excited I dropped a few pounds he said “ I think maybe we should get you a new scale”.

 

He more than once blamed our relationship for his dogs’ poor training. He said he wasn’t spending enough time with her and that why she behaved so badly despite the fact that he didn’t believe in obedience training. I went to his place on Wednesdays, we stayed there all night, he would come to my place late Saturday night and then Sunday went to his in the morning and played with her and then spent the day out and about. The rest of the week and all day Saturday he was at home, yet our relationship was to blame for his dog tarring up his house while he was at work and eating food off the counter when he left it there.

 

I think what hurt the most is I finally saw that he never supported me, if I had an awesome idea he would always tell me why it wouldn’t work or if I talked about something I read online or something my dad had told me he would whip out his phone and try to disprove what I was talking about.

 

These were just some of the things that I started to see that weren’t right. The list went on and on and grew bigger and bigger, this is when I started to open my eyes to what was really going on. I now saw that for the last 3 months of our relationship he was pulling away and that I was begging for any kind of intimacy or connection from him. I saw the endless lies and ongoing texting of “friends” while he was with me, something he never did before. I saw how he strung me along as we planned for a ski trip; I was paying for, for our 2 year anniversary, right up to 2 days before the break up. I remembered all the nights I asked him what was wrong and he looked me right in the eyes and told me it was problems with work. I saw everything the way it was. I saw him in a new light and I saw him for the looser he was. I saw that he dumped me in a text message with no closure after 2 years of trusting him 100% and supporting everything he suggested, and even promoting his fundraiser and pushing my friends and family to donate to him and his cause just weeks before the break up.

 

I felt so used and angry after seeing what I had for so long been overlooking and I’m so happy that I had gone no contact despite that in the beginning it was for the wrong reason. In the end it was for the right reason. After our split 90% of our mutual friend deleted me which hurt. But now I’m fine with it, they made their choice. All of his family deleted and blocked me, which really hurt because I was so close to some of them, but again I’m ok with that now. I asked myself, why would I want those people in my life, reminding me of a life I deserve better then and of a man that didn’t deserve me?

 

I’ve had a few dates with a couple good men. I’ve had some sex which helped me realized that I was missing out on so much and again resoling that I was settling. Now I’ve found a guy that absolutely adores me, and even though its early on and I don’t know how I feel about him I do know that I will be loved again and I will love again.

 

This man that I once thought with all my heart was the love of my life turned out to be the exact opposite. That wouldn’t have happened if I was still curled up on the couch blaming myself missing what once was. It took sitting down and writing out the good and the bad and being completely honest with myself. No relationship is perfect despite how good it seems at the time. Everyone has their faults you just have to be willing to see them and stop ignoring them in the end. Life will go on and there is something better out there, you just have to be willing to move on and try to find it.

[1a1a]

This is a good post