Best way to get closure?

[Celeste7]

I admitted to a guy (let's call him Andy) who has been flirting with me that i am interested in him after a year of knowing each other. He turned me down, saying he sees me as a sister (yet has been commenting on my body/appearance in a sexual way for the whole year?? lol confused). He also says i am too 'sheltered' for him and he wants someone who is more worldly. However, i noticed that everytime we conversed, we clicked very well and the conversation flows and is not forced. We both enjoyed each other's company and were very close. I get many signs from him that he sees me more than a friend, (but that could just be my perception), for eg. when we first met he was extremely curious about me and asked our mutual friend about me a lot. He will always tell me that he saw my new profile picture and thinks i look really pretty etc etc. But i understand that some guys are just naturally flirtatious with everything that moves, so i will assume he simply just wasn't interested.

 

When we first met i didn't like him and thought he was extremely cocky and flirtatious! But as time went by over the course of the year, i got to know him and realise he was more than a playboy. But now I'm starting to think my first initial impression of him was right.

 

Another thing i need to add, which i still need to determine if it is a key point or not, is that his best friend (let's call him Callum) liked me during the period of all of this happening. Callum has told everyone we all mutually know that he is falling for me, so i assume Andy knows too. However, Callum knows i do not reciprocate his feelings.

 

Anyway, now both Andy and Callum have stopped talking to me completely (it's been like that for months now). But it's different for each of them. All three of us have always talked everyday before it all went downhill. Even though me and Andy don't talk everyday now, we are still friendly towards each other and have a nice conversation when we catch each other in public. however, Callum has completely ghosted me (cut me off as a friend), to the point where when we are face to face and i say hi to him, he completely ignores me. He's done this over 5 times, and i got sick of his sh*t and stopped saying hi altogether.

 

At first, i was quite sad that i had lost two of the closest guy friends I've ever had. But as time went by, i got accustomed to it and moved on in life. however, i do find myself feeling sad from time to time, and i start to dwell on what the heck happened for our group to break up? part of me wishes i hadn't admitted to Andy that i liked him, and maybe that way things will be different now.

 

What is your opinion on what really went down between the three of us? And how do i get some closure from both the Andy and Callum situation? I still think of what would've happened if me and Andy ended up together, which makes me very unhappy about my present situation. I also get jealous of the girls he is talking to now, which is very petty and unusual of me.

[Seymore]

First off, you are way overthinking things.

 

Second - an answer to your question of how you get closure? You look back to when he said he sees you as a sister. Doesn't get much more "closure" than that.

 

Third - the whole idea of closure is BS.

 

Fourth - a man can think sexually of a woman's body and not be attracted to them in any other way. Case in point - any porn actress. Brandi Love has the perfect body but no way in hell would I consider a future with her, lol.

[gebaird]

Maybe it was some kind of "bro code" thing, where they realized the crush triangle between the three of you was hurting their friendship.

 

Most people look in the wrong place for closure. They think it will come through confrontation, through answers and explanations. But often those answers simply aren't available, and if they do come they aren't satisfying.

 

Real closure comes through acceptance, letting go of the need to know and choosing to move on.

[Wiseman2]

You had a crush on Andy but he friendzoned you. Callum had a crush on you and you friendzoned him. That's why Callum went no contact and Andy will still acknowledge you.

 

No need for "closure" since you didn't date either of them. It would be best to date guys who are interested in you rather than hoping a flirty friend will become a bf.

What is your opinion on what really went down between the three of us? And how do i get some closure from both the Andy and Callum situation?