A Sistery Situation

[Oasis]

Hi, need some advice!

 

So, I've been seeing this girl, G [22/f], for about 5 months. I knew her and her sister, K [23/f], for about 8 years now. We all met through work and kept in touch through the years. Randomly 5 months ago, G calls me to come out to a club. I wind up going since I was literally just browsing Reddit at 10pm on a Saturday night and one thing leads to another. Sex is good between us so we naturally keep seeing each other. Fast forward to now, 5 months later, we are really into each other. We both feel this could be a real and serious relationship BUT her sister.

 

Her sister, K and I have some history. About 5 years ago (2011), K and I made out and fooled around a bit one time but never had sex. We texted for a little more than a month but never hung out again for a variety of reasons; Neither of us wanted to take a 20 minute bus/train ride to see each other and we both just started college.

 

2 weeks ago, G texted K about her and I saying we like each other and want to see each other exclusively and that she wanted to talk to K about it first. K rejects the idea saying I was her first love and she can have anyone but me. Sisters shouldn't date the same guys and it would make her uncomfortable. G says okay, she gets it and will back off. K says do whatever you want to.

 

I find this a little shocking because we hooked up once, texted a little bit and K's been in a relationship since the beginning of 2012 and they just moved in together recently. G knew K and I hooked up once but didn't know it was all that. I told her I didn't know it was all that either, we only hooked up once and texted a bit. G says we shouldn't see each other because of how her sister feels and she doesn't want to cause any problems. I tell G I understand and don't want to cause any problems either.

 

Now, for the last 2 weeks, G and I have still seen each other a couple times and went out with her friends. This AM G asks what are we going to do? She wants to be together but her sister is blocking her. I tell G I understand what position she is in but think her sister is completely overreacting. I say we can try finding away to work this out or stop. G says we can't tell K her feelings, they are what they are. So we'll have to stop. I say understandable but then everything needs to fully stop. That's only fair to the both of us. Being friends is fine but I need my space too. G doesn't like this. She wants to be friends and talk still. I know this will just lead to another cycle of hanging out and leading to the same conversation.

 

I feel there are only two things to do: to be together despite what her sister says or fully stop. Are we in the wrong if we want to keep seeing each other in this situation?

[Wiseman2]

Agree. If they have made some sort of sister pact then that's between them. It's her decision whether to see you or not, regarding that. However it's your decision to not be friendzoned if she can't see you because of this sister taboo thing.

I feel there are only two things to do: to be together despite what her sister says or fully stop. Are we in the wrong if we want to keep seeing each other in this situation?

[moodindigo91]

Well clearly there was a disconnect between you and K when you guys flirted way back in 2011, she is calling you her first love and you are dismissing her entirely in favor of her sister, G. I do agree that K is overreacting, though. She's been in a relationship with someone for a long time, and even if you were her first love, she should be well over it by now and be able to put that aside if it meant her sister's happiness. But K clearly doesn't think this way and G is not willing to try to change her mind or talk some sense into her. They are close in age so I assume they have a close relationship, I doubt G would be willing to date you despite her sister's objections... if she isn't you'll have no choice but to fully stop seeing G as you thought. I'm sorry, this is a bad situation to be in especially if you really like each other.

[melancholy123]

I find this ridiculous. K is from 5 yrs ago, she's got a new guy she's living with. So what if you were her first love, she needs to get over it! G needs a backbone when it comes to K, if G really wants to be with you she needs to tell K just that. K should not have any say in your potential relationship with G.

[Oasis]

Agree. If they have made some sort of sister pact then that's between them. It's her decision whether to see you or not, regarding that. However it's your decision to not be friendzoned if she can't see you because of this sister taboo thing.

 

Thanks for the response. I told G that it is totally her decision to move our relationship forward, not her sister. I don't want to be friendzoned. I don't mind being friends becsuse we have for the past 8 years but I'm not going to be there until she finds someone new.

[Oasis]

Thanks for the reply.

K and I had feelings for each other but to me it was years ago and something that just didn't work out. She found herself someone and I'm looking for someone. I think she says first "love" because i was the first guy she was truly interested in. A month of texting to me can't ever be love.

 

G approach her and got shot down. She says she scared her sister will resent her. I tell G that would be very immature thing but she doesn't want to push it.

[Oasis]

I find this ridiculous. K is from 5 yrs ago, she's got a new guy she's living with. So what if you were her first love, she needs to get over it! G needs a backbone when it comes to K, if G really wants to be with you she needs to tell K just that. K should not have any say in your potential relationship with G.

 

I agree K shouldnt have a say. I believe informing her sister was enough and respectful. G is very stuck on her sister's " love" for me.