Help Please

[helpmeplease00]

This is really starting to get on my nerve now. Firstly, we are 22 and my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now. I left him last year because he just mentally played with my emotions and image and it just wasn't healthy. Anyway, he pleaded and said he realised what he did and said how certain aspects of his life were vented onto me and that he has worked and is working on himself and he understands how awful he was towards me.( bad excuse from his part, but I wanted to see if he actually had changed) I was adamant that I wouldn't get back together however I still had strong feelings and ended up back with him and gave him a second chance to redeem himself. He did change himself and things looked brighter but now this is whole new level...Anyway, flash forward to now. We are barely sexually active what so ever he always says he is too tired or just makes an excuse or stays up too late gaming so I just end up falling asleep. He stops me from kissing him during the day (one kiss a few kisses may be aloud) but no intimate make out. Pretty much the same at night sometimes if I am lucky I make a move and eventually it happens. Hence, whenever the idea of sex comes about its always me making the first move and I mean always me who starts it. I have confronted him nicely and explained how its always me making a move. So then after some time he will make a move just to prove he actually made a move but then after it just dwindles back to what it was.

 

At one point we were both studying on this course (we had different classes) on that day I didn't have to go in so he went there himself. At then end of the day he drove back and I realised while we were sitting down he had a wet patch on his groan. He had came in his pants i.e after confronting me he told me he masturbated in the car in the car park straight after coming out of class.... I got so upset and didn;t know what to think... He merely stated that he had been so stressed he just had to do it ''apparently'' but I too was under a lot of stress at that time. He got really angry and defensive at me when I kept questioning him and basically was upset about it. At the end I was just so fed up I just accepted it (but deep down not really) because I just couldn't believe it and didn't know how to take it. To be honest whenever I am not around he watches porn and masturbates to it. In one weekend when I wasn't around he watched quite a few videos in just two days of porn and hentai porn (which hurts me as well) So with our non existing physical action he quite happily masturbates. Now we are at uni he is in one department and I am in another. I figured out that he did it again in the car to hentai right after uni.... i.e came out of uni went into the car and straight away masturbated.... Then later came to pick me up.. he also forgot to mention he finished a lot earlier than he said so that small lie also irritated me. I mean what is this.. Am I overreacting because its really starting to annoy me and really upset me. It this normal, should I just accept this.I am fed up with just having to accept it he always gets so angry and defensive when I confronting him of any problem. We are also suppose to moving in together. But because of all this whereas I was never an anxious person its starting to make me feel that way and upset.

 

Please help!

[gebaird]

I wouldn't move in with him when your relationship is already in a bad place -- it will just exacerbate the problem. It's one thing to look at porn, it's another to ignore the real woman you are in a relationship with. It sounds to me like he may be addicted, only able to "feel the rush" with fantasy women and not with you. Outside of sex, is the rest of your relationship good or just average? I would encourage him to go to 12-step sex addiction program. He'll probably laugh and say every guy does it, at which point you can tell him this relationship isn't working for you and he either needs to step up or risk losing you. Don't settle for mediocrity when real love is an option (with him or with someone new if your current BF chooses not to meet your needs). Alternatively, he may just be losing interest and not wanting to hurt you. Either way, the problems you listed here need to be addressed or the relationship will fail.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to say but it was mistake to get back together. He's a mess and that affects the relationship. You would not be this unhappy if you dated a normal guy.

he has worked and is working on himself and he understands how awful he was towards me.We are barely sexually active what so ever he always says he is too tired or just makes an excuse.whenever I am not around he watches porn and masturbates to it.