How do you know if an ex genuinely wants you back or just wants attention?

[Rossoe900]

I just had a recent experience with an ex who came back in my life after a year and 7 months of No contact. He immeditely started dating someone else after we broke up.He sent me a message on Facebook just saying he would love to hear from me and wants to know how I'm doing.I didn't get the message because I hadn't logged on Facebook for few months at that time.

 

 

 

He subsequently sent additional messages 2 months later ,saying he still thinks about me all the time and said "please reach out".I responded when I finally received the messages. He adimitted that he had been missing me and thinking about me..and he always thought about me.I thought he wanted me back based on his level of effort.We started talking everyday and my feelings for him came back..I thought we had future together

 

 

 

Well it turned out I was wrong.He started acting flaky ..making commitments he wouldn't keep,blew off our plans..And I noticed he stopped putting effort into contacting me.I was the only one always texting first.Then finally he says he has a lot going in his life now and we might have something in future when his life is better balanced.Then he says he hopes I understand.That was it and he ignored further messages from me.

 

 

 

It finally downed on me that he really doesn't want to be with me.He was probably newly single and lonely when he initiated contact with me. I can see why he would do that because I've always been good to him. I never hurt him, disrespect him and have always been there for him. He's the one who always left me then come back again

 

 

 

Ughh I wish he never came back.I was just doing fine without him now I'm hurt all over again and back to square one..I learned my lesson..I will never respond to him again.Has anyone been through?

[gebaird]

Ugh, so sorry. It sounds like there is a reason this guy is your ex (and he should remain that way)! He was just using you for company in between relationships, reaching out to you for "old times' sake." Block him/unfriend him so you don't even have to see his messages anymore. Your heart is hurting but your head knows this is for the best. I hope you can find someone who truly values you for you, and not just someone who uses you whenever it's "convenient."

[ParisPaulette]

In his case, given his past history, which is what you should be basing his current actions on, he just wants attention. You predict that by looking at how the person overall treated you.

 

This wasn't you two bumping into each other years later after you'd sort of amicably or for whatever normal not really toxic reason drifted apart only to rekindle things. This is someone who's got a history of playing games with you and blowing hot and cold.

 

As someone who went through this I can confirm, expect plenty more hot and cold behaviors with him, because that's his pattern. And I think you know it. I think the bigger question in all of this that you should be asking yourself is why you think you can keep doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result.

 

P.S. I went through that and worse six times with the same guy in a six-year period, even going once over a year before he contacted me again to beg for yet just one more chance. Years later, me moved on and married happily to someone else, he still periodically tries to get in touch with me and beg for me to give him one final chance, he swears this time he won't mess it up, honest, really, really, he's truly sincere THIS 7TH FLIPPING TIME!

 

I just think to myself, "Yeah, no. I'm over it and you," then add the latest numbers to my blocked list. It's almost an illness for some people, I think. So ignore, block, delete, decide for yourself to be done for good then be done for good regardless. Right now I don't care if my ex gained knighthood and had an entire personality transplant, I still wouldn't bank another go round with him being any different than the previous times.

 

You shouldn't either.

[Rossoe900]

Thank you, you are right..I don't know for some reason I thought It would be different this time. Now I see the situation for what it is and have reached a breaking point. It just took me longer to reach that breaking point I guess. In any event,I've blocked on my phone but I can't block him on face book because he deleted his account.He obviously made a new face book account for the sole purpose of getting in touch with me, then deleted it afterwards. Hopefully he'll stay gone this time

[BlarneyStone]

If you have to ask the question, it will almost always be the latter.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately i think your instincts are spot on. You did the right thing to block him after that charade he put on.

He was probably newly single and lonely when he initiated contact with me.

...Same guy?