Do you think he is losing interest?

[Shorthaired]

I went on a 2 dates with this guy. Both dates were amazing: 5 hours conversations and lots of kissing and holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes without inviting me over/or being pushy about sex.

 

He bought me a book I mentioned I liked and gave it to be as a gift for the second date (for no reason). After each date he sends me a text about how much he enjoys being around me and can't wait to see me again. He also keeps in contact every day. All good right?

 

He is a divorced father. On the last date (Sat night ) he kept asking when he can see me again. I said later in the week. He mentioned that he is taking few days off from his job to spend with his children because they are on school holidays. He said due to that he will get back to me Tuesday about when he will be free because he will know his schedule then.

 

Tuesday comes and he sends me a few texts just making small talk about our days. He texts me a bit more in the evening but no mention of the date/time he is available. I finally ask "do you know yet when you will be free this week? I would love to see you but I know you are spending time with the kids so I understand if you can't this week". His response: "I would love to see you too, Friday is probably the earliest I can but I will let you know".

 

I am a bit concerned that he is blowing me off. I understand he has the kids but I don't understand why he can't firm down the day/time yet. His kids are not that young (a teenager and school aged).

 

Do you think I am overracting? I actually really like this guy, more than I have liked anyone in years. Just wondering what's our take on this.

[happyfrank]

Overreacting.

 

He likes you a lot. You got nothing to worry about.

[Wiseman2]

He gave you the heads up about the kids and then followed up with "I will let you know". Try to relax and not be to anxious. He's a single dad and probably has custody/visitation stuff and whatever else to sort out.

 

As a single dad he probably wants to spend as much time with them as he can. Let him get back to you and stop repeating the question of "so when will you be free". He'll let you know soon enough.

 

Doesn't sound like some lame blow off but more like a single dad who wants to see his kids, yet manage his dating life on top of that. Is there some other reason you feel "blown off"?

He mentioned that he is taking few days off from his job to spend with his children because they are on school holidays.His response: "I would love to see you too, Friday is probably the earliest I can but I will let you know".I am a bit concerned that he is blowing me off.

[janut1]

I agree with the other replies here. He is a single dad and he will make them a priority in his life. Please do not date him if you cannot understand that part of it. You will not be first priority and for some people that is hard to understand and deal with.

 

I am a single mom so I understand his side. My kids come first and they are also teenagers, so just because they are older, I still make sure that they are taken care of before going on a date or visiting friends, etc.

 

I don't think he is losing interest, but if you push too much he might.

[reinventmyself]

way overthinking it. Relax!

[TiredOfDating]

I went on a 2 dates with this guy. Both dates were amazing: 5 hours conversations and lots of kissing and holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes without inviting me over/or being pushy about sex.

 

He bought me a book I mentioned I liked and gave it to be as a gift for the second date (for no reason). After each date he sends me a text about how much he enjoys being around me and can't wait to see me again. He also keeps in contact every day. All good right?

 

He is a divorced father. On the last date (Sat night ) he kept asking when he can see me again. I said later in the week. He mentioned that he is taking few days off from his job to spend with his children because they are on school holidays. He said due to that he will get back to me Tuesday about when he will be free because he will know his schedule then.

 

Tuesday comes and he sends me a few texts just making small talk about our days. He texts me a bit more in the evening but no mention of the date/time he is available. I finally ask "do you know yet when you will be free this week? I would love to see you but I know you are spending time with the kids so I understand if you can't this week". His response: "I would love to see you too, Friday is probably the earliest I can but I will let you know".

 

I am a bit concerned that he is blowing me off. I understand he has the kids but I don't understand why he can't firm down the day/time yet. His kids are not that young (a teenager and school aged).

 

Do you think I am overracting? I actually really like this guy, more than I have liked anyone in years. Just wondering what's our take on this.

 

I take it you do not have kids? it doesn't matter how old they are. If he's a good dad, he's going to want to take advantage of extra time with them. Don't interfere with that, or it will end quickly.

 

He's being very fair to you while making sure his children do not get slighted due to his dating.

[Shorthaired]

I can see your points but I guess I don't understand why he just doesn't tell me that he can see me after his kids are gone on X day. I mean what is there to let me know about the Friday? Doesn't he know already if he can/wants/plans to spend a few hours with me.

 

I haven't heard from him at all yesterday or today so I guess Friday is not happening. I wouldn't mind if he told me straight up that he can't - I would make other plans. I would even understand if his kids are young so he didn't know due to having to arrange a babysitter. But they are old enough to take care of themselves, what is there to "not know".

 

I don't think some clear communication is too much to ask and honestly, I am pretty disappointed.

[trezeralietas]

It sounds to me like you are way over-thinking this. Go ahead and make other plans. Don't sit around waiting for him to contact you. It's not like the world will end if you miss one more day of not seeing him. It will show him that you are able to be happy living your own life and you aren't waiting on pins and needles, ready to jump whenever he says he's ready. And, if for some reason he's blowing you off (which it doesn't sound like he's doing), you're already out living your life and getting on with it. It will be one less thing to feel bad about. Imagine waiting and waiting, not making plans only to not hear from him or have him back out, and now you've missed the opportunity to do something else fun and fulfilling with other friends or alone. Don't do that. Breathe. It's going to be ok, no matter what happens.

[TiredOfDating]

I can see your points but I guess I don't understand why he just doesn't tell me that he can see me after his kids are gone on X day. I mean what is there to let me know about the Friday? Doesn't he know already if he can/wants/plans to spend a few hours with me.

 

I haven't heard from him at all yesterday or today so I guess Friday is not happening. I wouldn't mind if he told me straight up that he can't - I would make other plans. I would even understand if his kids are young so he didn't know due to having to arrange a babysitter. But they are old enough to take care of themselves, what is there to "not know".

 

I don't think some clear communication is too much to ask and honestly, I am pretty disappointed.

 

He DID give you clear communication. He said he would let you know friday. Maybe the kids have activities that aren't firmly scheduled yet. And again, the age of the kids shouldn't matter. If this is extra time with them, he shouldn't be expected to ditch them for a date.

 

Both my BF and I have kids. I am a FT single parent, so I don't mind as much letting my son go stay the night with a friend of mine when he and I have dates. But I never infringe on his weekends/evenings with his kids, because that time is for THEM, not me.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it's not that simple he said he'd love to see but...

 

There are a lot of variables such as the kids whims and schedules, single dad guilt, trying to maximize time with them and stuff he probably doesn't want to discuss with someone he went on 2 dates with such as arrangements with his ex, etc.

 

Keep in mind 2 dates is not a relationship with the expectation of having a regular pattern to your dates. Try not to get ahead of yourself and consider that dating single dads with the attached complications may not be the best bet for you.

I mean what is there to let me know about the Friday? Doesn't he know already if he can/wants/plans to spend a few hours with me. I haven't heard from him at all yesterday or today so I guess Friday is not happening.

[Sportster2005]

I think you are overreacting. Breathe.

[Shorthaired]

He did contact me on Thursday night to say that he can see me Friday and he can't wait. I loosely made plans already with a friend but I now want to cancel to see him

[SoulTaker]

 

He is a divorced father. On the last date (Sat night ) he kept asking when he can see me again. I said later in the week. He mentioned that he is taking few days off from his job to spend with his children because they are on school holidays. He said due to that he will get back to me Tuesday about when he will be free because he will know his schedule then.

 

Tuesday comes and he sends me a few texts just making small talk about our days. He texts me a bit more in the evening but no mention of the date/time he is available.

 

I see your point. If someone tells me that they'll get back to me at a certain time, then I expect them to do as they've stated. He did get back to you, but didn't bring up the subject of when he would be free.

 

It's not a big deal at this time (only been 2 dates). But if it keeps repeating itself, then it can be a problem. What I look for is if it's the parent who is in control of the children, or the children who are controlling the parent (I've experienced both situations).

[Shorthaired]

Also, when he got back to me now (on Thursday night about Friday), I didn't see his text for about an hour.

 

He proceeded to send me 5 more texts and basically trying to hurry me up with a response even though when I text him and it's not convenient to him, he barely sends two words or sometimes even just a thumbs up sign. But then when he texts me about when he is finally free, he expects immediate confirmation. Then he went on to kind of sweet talk too much about "How he can't wait to see me, he has missed me so much, he likes me a lot, I am his priority" etc which is in total contrast to him being kind of meh and lukewarm the entire week.

 

I dunno, I kind of doubt his sincerity.

[janut1]

Yea, thats a bit over the top with the I miss you and you are my priority. He probably knows you are unhappy and since you didn't text him right back, he went on and on to get your attention back. His kids should be his priority, so that isn't a good thing that he said that either.

[nutbrownhare]

Also, when he got back to me now (on Thursday night about Friday), I didn't see his text for about an hour.

 

He proceeded to send me 5 more texts and basically trying to hurry me up with a response even though when I text him and it's not convenient to him, he barely sends two words or sometimes even just a thumbs up sign. But then when he texts me about when he is finally free, he expects immediate confirmation. Then he went on to kind of sweet talk too much about "How he can't wait to see me, he has missed me so much, he likes me a lot, I am his priority" etc which is in total contrast to him being kind of meh and lukewarm the entire week.

 

I dunno, I kind of doubt his sincerity.

 

Relax. This is par for the course for people with kids, and doesn't diminish his feelings for you in any way. What you DO need to learn, though, is that this is the way it will be, and not to expect him to behave like someone who's single and has no ties. The problem with texts, emails etc is that they're terse by their very nature and if you're feeling anxious anyway then it's all too easy to read agendas into them - which probably aren't there.

 

If you continue this relationship, there are likely times when you will feel sidelined when he's with his kids - use those times to do other activities and enjoy yourself, and then you won't feel so dependent on him.

 

Also, try not to read negative connotations about his communication. He told you the earliest he could see you would be Friday - and he's doing that. Five texts in quick succession suggests that he REALLY means it.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately after just two dates you seem to have quite a growing list of complaints..This list has more complaints than the number of dates you've been on

 

First you want him to notify about Fri asap, when he does, he's "rushing" you, he doesn't text soon enough or the right way or he's too sweet,etc.

 

Perhaps you're lucky and finding incompatibilities after just 2 dates...or you are somewhat burned out from dating in general?

He proceeded to send me 5 more texts

he barely sends two words or sometimes even just a thumbs up sign.

he expects immediate confirmation.

he went on to kind of sweet talk too much

him being kind of meh and lukewarm the entire week.